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  • National Trust Days Out: What SEND Families Need to Know

    🌿 Top 10 National Trust Days Out SEND Families Often Find Work Well

    (Shared by SEND parents — every child is different)

    1. Large woodland walks
      Open space, freedom to move, and no pressure to “stay on a path” can be hugely regulating.
    2. Places with lakes, rivers or water features
      Water is calming for many autistic and ADHD children and offers natural sensory input.
    3. Sites with multiple short routes
      Being able to leave early or change direction reduces anxiety for both children and parents.
    4. Gardens rather than indoor houses
      Outdoor spaces tend to be quieter, less restrictive, and easier to adapt to individual needs.
    5. Places with benches, logs or picnic areas
      Built-in rest points help children regulate without it feeling like a demand.
    6. Locations with animals or farm areas
      Animals can provide grounding, interest and connection without social pressure.
    7. Sites with natural play areas
      Unstructured play supports regulation far better than busy, rule-heavy playgrounds.
    8. Off-peak visits (weekdays or late afternoons)
      Fewer people, less noise, and reduced sensory load make a big difference.
    9. Places where you can avoid cafés and shops
      Being able to skip queues, crowds and transitions helps reduce overwhelm.
    10. Anywhere you can arrive, wander, and leave without explanation
      Flexibility is key — the best days out are the ones with no pressure to “make it worth it”.

    For many SEND families, days out can feel stressful, expensive, or simply not worth the emotional cost. Busy attractions, rigid rules, crowds, and pressure to “behave” can turn what should be a break into another challenge.

    But outdoor, low‑pressure spaces can be very different — and this is where National Trust places can be a genuine lifeline for some families.

    This post explains what support is available, how access usually works, and why these kinds of days out can be especially helpful for autistic, ADHD and PDA children.

    Why National Trust Places Often Work Better for SEND Children

    National Trust sites tend to offer:

    • wide open outdoor spaces
    • freedom to move at your own pace
    • fewer behavioural expectations
    • quieter areas away from crowds
    • nature‑based regulation

    For many neurodivergent children, this reduces sensory overload and demand, making visits far more manageable than traditional attractions.

    There’s no pressure to stay for a set time, follow a strict route, or interact socially — you can leave when you need to.

    Free Carer / Companion Entry

    Many SEND families don’t realise that carers or essential companions can often enter National Trust places for free when accompanying a disabled child or adult.

    This means you’re not financially penalised because your child needs support.

    Some families apply for an Essential Companion card, while others explain their child’s needs at the entrance — staff are generally understanding and supportive.

    You don’t usually need to provide detailed medical evidence on the day.

    Free Family Passes and Promotions

    From time to time, National Trust also runs free family pass promotions through newspapers or campaigns.

    These aren’t SEND‑specific, but they can allow:

    • free entry for adults and children
    • a full day out at no cost

    Because these offers are time‑limited, they’re easy to miss — but they can make a big difference for families who are watching every penny.

    You Don’t Need a Diagnosis to Access Support

    One important thing to know:

    Support is often based on need, not labels.

    Your child doesn’t need a formal diagnosis for you to explain:

    • they need supervision
    • they need emotional or physical support
    • they struggle with regulation in busy spaces

    Reasonable adjustments exist to make places accessible — you’re allowed to use them.

    Why This Matters for SEND Parents

    SEND parenting is expensive.

    Between appointments, reduced work hours, transport, and emotional load, many families stop doing days out altogether — not because they don’t want to, but because it feels too hard.

    Knowing that accessible, affordable options exist can be the difference between staying home and creating positive, regulating experiences together.

    A Gentle Reminder

    You’re not asking for special treatment.

    You’re accessing support so your child can experience the world in a way that feels safe.

    That’s what accessibility is for.

    If you want calmer, lower‑pressure ideas for days out that work for SEND families, you’re not alone — and you deserve support too.

    You can also find practical guidance and parent‑led support at AskEllie, created by and for families navigating SEND every day.

  • Autistic Burnout in Children: 5 Warning Signs Parents Shouldn’t Ignore

    Autistic burnout in children is still widely misunderstood.

    It’s often mistaken for behavioural issues, regression, laziness, or poor mental health — when in reality, it’s a nervous system response to prolonged overload.

    Burnout doesn’t happen suddenly. It builds quietly over time, especially in children who are coping, masking, and meeting expectations without the right support.

    Recognising the signs early can prevent long‑term distress and help families act before crisis point.

    What Is Autistic Burnout?

    Autistic burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and cognitive exhaustion caused by sustained effort to cope in environments that are not autism‑friendly.

    For children, this often comes from:

    • prolonged masking at school
    • sensory overload
    • constant social and behavioural expectations
    • lack of appropriate adjustments
    • pressure to “cope” without enough support

    Burnout is not a failure. It’s a sign the demands placed on a child have exceeded their capacity for too long.

    5 Warning Signs Your Child May Be Heading Toward Burnout

    1. Coping at School, Collapsing at Home

    One of the most common signs is a child who appears to manage in school but unravels once they’re home.

    Meltdowns, shutdowns, emotional outbursts, or complete withdrawal after school aren’t bad behaviour — they’re a release. Home is where the mask finally comes off.

    This pattern often signals a child who is surviving school rather than accessing it safely.

    2. Skills Seem to Disappear

    Parents often worry their child is “going backwards.”

    Things they could previously manage — routines, independence, communication, emotional regulation — suddenly feel impossible.

    This isn’t regression. It’s overload.

    When the nervous system is overwhelmed, it prioritises survival over skills.

    3. Rising Anxiety and Avoidance

    Burnout frequently shows up as:

    • school refusal
    • panic attacks
    • avoidance of everyday tasks
    • increased need for reassurance
    • resistance to demands that once felt manageable

    This isn’t defiance or lack of motivation. It’s a sign the child has no remaining capacity to meet expectations.

    4. Sensory Sensitivities Intensify

    Sounds, clothing, touch, light, smells, or busy environments may suddenly feel unbearable — even if your child tolerated them before.

    As burnout builds, sensory tolerance drops.

    The nervous system has no buffer left.

    5. Ongoing Exhaustion or Withdrawal

    Burnout looks like a deep, persistent tiredness that rest alone doesn’t fix.

    Children may:

    • sleep more or struggle to sleep
    • withdraw from things they once enjoyed
    • appear flat, disconnected, or emotionally numb

    This level of exhaustion is not typical tiredness — it’s systemic depletion.

    Why Acting Early Matters

    When early warning signs are missed, burnout can escalate into:

    • prolonged school refusal
    • significant anxiety or depression
    • long recovery periods
    • loss of confidence and self‑esteem

    Early action can reduce long‑term impact.

    Support should begin before a child reaches crisis.

    What Helps When Burnout Is Emerging

    There is no single fix — but certain principles consistently help:

    • Reducing demands rather than increasing them
    • Lowering pressure around attendance, performance, and behaviour
    • Adjusting environments to reduce sensory load
    • Valuing regulation and safety over compliance
    • Listening to what behaviour is communicating

    Recovery from burnout is not about pushing harder. It’s about creating space to heal.

    A Final Reframe for Parents

    If your child is struggling, it doesn’t mean you’ve missed something or failed them.

    Autistic children often cope until they can’t.

    Burnout is not a behaviour problem.
    It’s a support problem.

    And recognising that early can change the path forward.

    If you’re navigating burnout, school pressure, or unmet SEND needs, you don’t have to work it out alone.

    AskEllie exists to help families understand what’s happening, what support should look like, and what steps to take next — calmly and clearly.

  • Why Bedtime Stories Matter More Than You Think (Especially for Neurodivergent Children)

    For many families, bedtime stories are seen as a lovely routine — something cosy, calming, and familiar. But for autistic children, ADHDers, and children with PDA profiles, bedtime stories are doing far more than helping them drift off to sleep.

    They are quietly shaping emotional regulation, safety, language, and even brain development in ways schools often can’t.

    Bedtime Is When the Nervous System Finally Exhales

    All day long, children are managing demands:

    • Listening
    • Following rules
    • Masking
    • Managing sensory overload
    • Navigating social expectations

    For neurodivergent children, this effort is huge.

    By bedtime, the external demands finally drop. The nervous system shifts out of doing mode and into processing mode. This is why so many children suddenly talk more, ask questions, or seek connection right before sleep.

    A shared story meets that moment perfectly.

    Stories Create Safety Before Sleep

    When a child listens to a familiar, trusted adult reading a story, their brain receives powerful signals:

    • You are safe
    • You are not alone
    • The day is complete
    • Nothing is expected of you now

    This sense of safety is essential for children who experience anxiety, demand avoidance, or hypervigilance.

    It’s not about forcing calm.
    It’s about allowing calm.

    Why Certain Books Are Especially Powerful

    Some children’s stories do more than entertain. They gently build:

    • Emotional literacy (naming feelings)
    • Predictability and structure
    • Imagination without pressure
    • A sense of being understood

    Books like The Gruffalo, The Snail and the Whale, Inside Out–style emotional stories, and other narrative-driven stories allow children to explore fear, bravery, sadness, and connection at a safe distance.

    For autistic and PDA children, this indirect learning is often far more effective than direct instruction.

    Stories Open Pathways Schools Often Can’t

    Schools are busy, noisy, demand-heavy environments.

    Bedtime stories are the opposite:

    • Low demand
    • One-to-one connection
    • Repetition without pressure
    • Emotional learning without assessment

    This is where real integration happens.
    Not because a child is being taught — but because they feel safe enough to absorb.

    It’s Not About Reading “More” — It’s About Reading Together

    The magic isn’t in the number of pages.
    It’s in the shared moment.

    Even five minutes of reading:

    • Builds trust
    • Regulates the nervous system
    • Reduces bedtime anxiety
    • Supports sleep

    For some children, this routine becomes the emotional anchor that allows their body to finally rest.

    The Books We Use and Love

    I’ve shared the children’s books we regularly use at bedtime — especially the ones that work well for autistic, ADHD, and PDA children — over on my Benable list, which you can find via my Linktree on TikTok.

    These are books chosen for:

    • Emotional safety
    • Predictability
    • Gentle humour
    • Rich but accessible language

    They’re not about pushing lessons.
    They’re about connection.

    A Gentle Reminder

    If bedtime feels hard in your house, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.

    For many SEND families, bedtime is when everything finally surfaces.

    A story won’t fix everything — but it can be the bridge between a busy day and a regulated night.

    Sometimes, the most powerful support doesn’t look like therapy, charts, or strategies.

    Sometimes it looks like a familiar book, a quiet voice, and a child who knows they are safe.

    You can find our recommended bedtime books via my Benable link in my TikTok Linktree.

    If this resonated, you’re not alone — and neither is your child.

  • When Girls Are Mislabelled as Bipolar: What Might Really Be Going On

    Parents are increasingly worried about their daughters’ mental health — especially when emotions feel intense, unpredictable, or overwhelming.

    One word that often comes up is bipolar.

    But here’s something that doesn’t get said enough:

    Bipolar disorder is rare in children and young people, and it is frequently misunderstood — particularly in girls.

    Strong emotions alone do not equal bipolar disorder.

    This article isn’t about diagnosing. It’s about helping parents understand what they may be seeing, why girls are often mislabelled, and what support-focused steps matter most.

    Why Bipolar Is Often Mentioned With Girls

    Girls are more likely to:

    • internalise distress
    • mask struggles in school
    • be described as “dramatic” or “too emotional”
    • fall apart at home rather than in public

    When emotions swing quickly or intensely, adults sometimes reach for the most serious label they know — even when the pattern doesn’t fit.

    But emotional intensity is not the same as bipolar disorder.

    What Bipolar Disorder Actually Involves (Briefly)

    Bipolar disorder is characterised by distinct clinical mood episodes — typically including periods of mania or hypomania that are:

    • sustained over time
    • not purely triggered by stress or environment
    • accompanied by changes in energy, sleep, judgement, and behaviour

    These patterns require specialist assessment over time.

    Sudden emotional reactions, meltdowns, or shutdowns — especially when linked to stress — are not enough to indicate bipolar disorder.

    5 Signs a Girl May Need Mental Health Support (Often Misread as Bipolar)

    1. Big Emotional Swings Tied to Stress

    Strong reactions that flare during school pressure, social conflict, sensory overload, or exhaustion — then settle once the stress reduces.

    This points to emotional overwhelm, not a mood disorder.

    2. Explosions Followed by Guilt or Shutdown

    Some girls experience intense emotional outbursts followed by shame, withdrawal, or exhaustion.

    This pattern is common in:

    • anxiety
    • autism
    • ADHD
    • trauma responses

    It reflects difficulty regulating emotions — not mania.

    3. “Fine” in Public, Falling Apart at Home

    Many girls hold everything together at school, then unravel in the safety of home.

    This is known as masking.

    Masking protects a child during the day — but it comes at a cost, often paid later through meltdowns, anxiety, or burnout.

    4. Sleep Problems Linked to Worry, Not Euphoria

    Difficulty sleeping because of:

    • racing thoughts
    • fear
    • rumination
    • sensory discomfort

    This is very different from the reduced need for sleep seen in manic episodes.

    The reason for sleep loss matters.

    5. Being Told She’s “Too Much” or “Overreacting”

    Girls whose emotional needs aren’t understood are often dismissed rather than supported.

    Over time, this can lead to:

    • low self-esteem
    • anxiety
    • emotional suppression
    • fear of being a problem

    Misunderstanding distress can be more damaging than the distress itself.

    Common Conditions That Are Misread as Bipolar in Girls

    Girls’ distress is more commonly linked to:

    • anxiety disorders
    • autism (especially masked presentations)
    • ADHD
    • PDA profiles
    • trauma or attachment stress

    These are not lesser explanations — they simply require different support.

    Why Labels Should Never Come Before Support

    A label does not help a child unless it leads to understanding and appropriate support.

    What helps most is:

    • being believed
    • reducing pressure
    • supporting emotional regulation
    • adapting environments
    • offering safe spaces to decompress

    Support should begin before a diagnosis — not after.

    A Reassuring Note for Parents

    If you’re worried about your daughter, trust that instinct.

    But try not to jump to the most frightening explanation.

    Strong emotions are not a failure. They are a signal.

    And with the right understanding and support, many girls who appear to be “too much” begin to feel safe enough to settle.

    You Don’t Need to Figure This Out Alone

    If your child is being misunderstood, mislabelled, or unsupported — you are allowed to ask questions, seek clarity, and push for appropriate help.

    AskEllie exists to help families understand their options, their rights, and their next steps — calmly and without judgement.

  • You Don’t Have to Be Fined Because Your SEND Child Can’t Cope

    For many parents of children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND), one of the biggest fears is this:

    “If my child can’t go to school, am I going to be fined or prosecuted?”

    That fear is often reinforced by letters about attendance, threats of fines, or even warnings of court action — sometimes at the very moment families are already at breaking point.

    Here’s the truth that often gets lost:

    You do not automatically break the law because your SEND child can’t cope with school.

    And you are not expected to force your child into crisis to prove you’re a ‘good parent’.

    When a Child Can’t Attend School, It’s Not Truancy

    Attendance law is frequently misunderstood.

    There is an important difference between:

    • a child who will not attend school, and
    • a child who cannot attend school due to anxiety, distress, trauma, or unmet SEND.

    If your child is genuinely unable to attend, that is not wilful non-attendance.

    Forcing a child into school when they are overwhelmed, distressed, or psychologically unsafe is not only harmful — it can escalate trauma and delay recovery.

    You Do NOT Need Medical Evidence to Be Protected

    One of the most damaging myths parents are told is that they must provide:

    • a diagnosis
    • a CAMHS letter
    • or a medical professional’s report

    before the school or local authority can act.

    This is not true.

    Evidence of need can include:

    • school observations
    • behaviour logs
    • attendance records
    • incident reports
    • emails between you and the school
    • your own written account of what is happening at home

    Waiting lists, delayed assessments, or lack of diagnosis do not remove your child’s needs — or your legal protection.

    The Local Authority Still Has a Duty to Educate

    If your child cannot attend school, responsibility does not disappear.

    Under Section 19 of the Education Act, the local authority has a duty to arrange suitable education for children who cannot attend school because of:

    • illness
    • anxiety or mental health difficulties
    • exclusion
    • or other reasons preventing attendance

    This education must be:

    • suitable to your child’s age and ability
    • appropriate to their SEND
    • provided without unnecessary delay

    Home welfare checks alone are not enough.

    If your child cannot access school, the question should not be:

    “Why aren’t you sending them?”

    but:

    “What education is being put in place instead?”

    If You Are in Crisis Too, That Matters

    Many parents are pushed to breaking point while trying to hold everything together.

    Parental mental health struggles, exhaustion, or breakdown are not reasons for prosecution.

    They are safeguarding concerns.

    If you are unwell, overwhelmed, or unable to cope, that should trigger support, not punishment.

    Schools and local authorities have duties not only to children, but to families under strain.

    What Actually Protects You From Fines

    Parents are most at risk when communication breaks down — not when they ask for help.

    Practical steps that protect you include:

    • Keeping everything in writing
    • Clearly stating your child cannot attend, rather than will not attend
    • Explaining the impact attendance is having on your child’s wellbeing
    • Asking what support or alternative education is being put in place
    • Responding calmly and consistently, even when under pressure

    Silence is often interpreted as disengagement. Documentation is protection.

    When Attendance Pressure Becomes Unlawful

    Threats of fines or prosecution while:

    • needs are unmet
    • assessments are ongoing
    • support is absent
    • or a child is clearly distressed

    may be inappropriate and, in some cases, unlawful.

    Attendance enforcement should never replace SEND support.

    If you are being pressured while your child is in crisis, it is reasonable — and necessary — to challenge that approach.

    A Reassuring Final Word

    You are not failing because your child can’t cope.

    You are responding to their reality.

    Protecting your child’s wellbeing — and your own — is not neglect. It is responsible parenting.

    You do not keep yourself safe by forcing attendance. You keep yourself safe by documenting need, communicating clearly, and insisting on support.

    If you are navigating attendance pressure, threats of fines, or feel unsure about your rights, you do not have to do this alone.

    AskEllie exists to help families understand their legal position, their options, and their next steps — calmly and clearly.

  • Why Your Child Talks Non‑Stop at Bedtime (And Why It’s Not a Problem)

    If you’ve ever tucked your child into bed, turned off the light, and suddenly been met with a flood of words — questions, worries, stories, random thoughts — you’re not alone.

    For many parents, bedtime chatter feels confusing or exhausting. It’s often labelled as stalling, avoidance, or poor bedtime discipline.

    But for many children — especially autistic children, ADHDers, and those with PDA profiles — this behaviour is something very different.

    It’s their nervous system finally exhaling.

    The Hidden Effort of the Day

    All day long, children are working hard in ways that aren’t always visible.

    They’re listening.
    They’re following rules.
    They’re managing noise, transitions, expectations, and social cues.

    For neurodivergent children, this effort is often amplified.

    Autistic children may be masking — suppressing natural behaviours in order to cope in environments that aren’t designed for them.
    Children with ADHD may be constantly regulating impulses, attention, and emotions.
    Children with PDA profiles may be navigating a world full of demands that feel overwhelming or threatening to their sense of autonomy.

    By the time evening arrives, their nervous system is often running on empty.

    Why Bedtime Triggers the Talking

    At bedtime, something important changes.

    The demands stop.
    The noise fades.
    The expectations drop.

    The body shifts out of “doing” mode.

    And when a child finally feels safe, still, and connected — the thoughts they’ve been holding in all day come spilling out.

    Questions.
    Worries.
    Memories.
    Ideas.

    This is known as verbal decompression.

    It’s the brain’s way of processing the day once it finally has the space to do so.

    This isn’t defiance.
    It isn’t manipulation.
    And it isn’t a lack of discipline.

    It’s regulation.

    Why This Is Especially Common in Autistic, ADHD & PDA Children

    Neurodivergent children often carry a much heavier cognitive and emotional load during the day.

    Many are hyper‑aware of their environment.
    Many are constantly scanning for safety.
    Many are holding back emotions to “get through” school or social situations.

    For children with PDA profiles, demand avoidance can mean that even internal expectations — like “I should sleep now” — create anxiety.
    Talking can be a way to stay regulated and connected while avoiding that internal pressure.

    When the lights go out, the mask comes off.

    And the safest place for that release is often with a trusted adult at bedtime.

    Why Shutting It Down Often Backfires

    When bedtime talking is rushed or shut down, children don’t suddenly become calm.

    Instead, they often:

    • Become more anxious
    • Struggle to settle
    • Wake during the night
    • Store worries to release later through meltdowns or dysregulation

    This isn’t because parents are doing anything wrong.

    It’s because a nervous system that hasn’t been heard can’t simply switch off.

    What Actually Helps at Bedtime

    The goal isn’t to eliminate bedtime talking — it’s to contain it gently and safely.

    Here are some strategies that support regulation without turning bedtime into a battle:

    1. Build in a “Talk Window”

    Create a short, predictable window before lights‑out that’s just for talking.

    Knowing there is space to be heard often reduces the urgency to talk endlessly.

    2. Listen Without Fixing

    You don’t need to solve every worry.

    Often, naming and acknowledging is enough:
    “That sounds like it felt really hard today.”

    3. Gently Park Worries

    For children who struggle to let go, try writing worries down, recording a voice note, or agreeing to revisit them tomorrow.

    This reassures the brain that nothing is being ignored.

    4. Reduce Pressure Around Sleep

    For PDA and anxiety‑prone children, the expectation to sleep can increase arousal.

    Shift the focus to rest, comfort, or lying quietly together rather than “going to sleep”.

    5. Remember: Connection Comes First

    Sleep follows safety.

    When a child feels heard and connected, their nervous system can finally settle.

    A Final Reframe

    A child who talks at bedtime isn’t trying to delay sleep.

    They’re showing you that this is the moment they finally feel safe enough to be themselves.

    And that — even when it’s tiring — is something to be honoured.

    You’re not failing at bedtime.
    You’re being their safe place.

    And that matters more than a quiet room ever could.

    If you support a child with autism, ADHD, PDA, or anxiety, and bedtime feels like a daily struggle, you’re not alone.

    Small shifts in understanding can make a big difference — for your child and for you.

  • Why Reward Charts and Sticker Systems Often Don’t Work for PDA Children

    Reward charts, sticker systems, and behaviour targets are everywhere.
    They’re often presented as motivating, positive, and evidence-based.

    But for many children with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile, these approaches don’t just fail — they can actively increase anxiety and distress.

    This isn’t because the child is oppositional, manipulative, or unwilling.
    It’s because PDA is rooted in nervous system threat, not behaviour choice.

    Understanding PDA: It’s About Anxiety, Not Incentives

    Children with a PDA profile experience everyday expectations as overwhelming.
    Even low-pressure demands — especially those tied to performance — can trigger a fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown response.

    For these children, motivation doesn’t come from rewards.
    It comes from feeling safe, autonomous, and in control.

    When a task becomes something they must do to earn a reward, their nervous system often hears:

    “You’re not okay unless you perform.”

    That’s when avoidance increases — not because they don’t want the reward, but because the pressure itself becomes intolerable.

    Why Reward Charts and Stickers Can Backfire

    Reward systems usually rely on:

    • delayed gratification
    • targets or thresholds
    • visible tracking of success or failure

    For PDA children, this can:

    • turn enjoyable activities into demands
    • create anxiety about “failing” to earn the reward
    • increase perfectionism or refusal
    • lead to self-sabotage (getting almost there, then stopping)

    Parents often describe situations like:

    “They could easily earn all the stars — but they stop just before.”

    This isn’t defiance.
    It’s a nervous system trying to regain control.

    Stickers Aren’t Neutral for PDA Children

    Even sticker charts — often described as gentle or positive — still carry an expectation:

    “Do this, then you’ll be rewarded.”

    For PDA children, this conditional structure can feel unsafe.
    Instead of encouragement, it can feel like pressure disguised as praise.

    Many parents notice that:

    • behaviour worsens once a chart is introduced
    • the child becomes anxious, tearful, or avoidant
    • progress disappears when rewards are removed

    That’s a sign the system wasn’t supporting regulation — it was temporarily overriding it.

    What Tends to Work Better for PDA Profiles

    This doesn’t mean PDA children don’t respond to encouragement.
    They often do — just in different ways.

    More effective approaches tend to include:

    • low-key, immediate acknowledgment (not delayed rewards)
    • choice and flexibility, rather than targets
    • playfulness and novelty
    • collaboration instead of compliance
    • connection before expectation

    Some families find success with:

    • surprise or spontaneous rewards (no target to reach)
    • blind dips or grab bags
    • praise without tying it to outcomes
    • removing visible tracking altogether

    The key difference is this:

    The child is not performing to earn safety — safety is already present.

    Why This Matters in Schools and EHCPs

    Reward charts are often written into school support plans as standard practice.
    For PDA children, this can unintentionally escalate difficulties and be misinterpreted as “non-compliance”.

    Understanding the PDA profile helps adults:

    • stop pushing approaches that increase anxiety
    • reframe behaviour as communication
    • design support that reduces threat rather than increasing it

    This is especially important in EHCP planning, where inappropriate behaviour strategies can undermine a child’s ability to engage at all.

    Moving Away from “Motivation” — Towards Regulation

    PDA children don’t need to be motivated more.
    They need to feel less threatened.

    When adults shift from:

    “How do we make them do it?”
    to
    “How do we make this feel safe?”

    Everything changes.

    A Final Thought for Parents

    If reward charts haven’t worked for your child, that doesn’t mean you failed — and it doesn’t mean your child is difficult.

    It often means the strategy didn’t match the child’s nervous system.

    Understanding PDA isn’t about lowering expectations.
    It’s about changing the route to reach them.

  • 5 Signs a Boy Might Have AuDHD

    And What the Term Really Means

    You may be hearing the term AuDHD more and more — especially from parents who feel their child doesn’t quite fit the usual autism or ADHD boxes.

    But what does AuDHD actually mean?
    And how might it show up in boys?

    This article is not about diagnosing children.
    It’s about understanding patterns, recognising unmet needs, and helping families make sense of what they’re seeing.

    What Is AuDHD?

    AuDHD is not a medical diagnosis.

    It’s a community-used term that describes a child who shows both autistic and ADHD traits at the same time.

    When these traits overlap, they can:

    • Mask each other
    • Intensify emotional and sensory challenges
    • Lead to misunderstandings, especially in school

    This is one reason many AuDHD children are:

    • Mislabelled as “naughty”, “lazy”, or “oppositional”
    • Supported for one area but not the other
    • Missed entirely until difficulties escalate

    Understanding the overlap matters — because support needs often look different.

    Why AuDHD Can Look Different in Boys

    Boys are often expected to be:

    • Energetic
    • Loud
    • Boisterous
    • Less emotionally expressive

    As a result, emotional overwhelm, sensory distress, or social burnout may be overlooked — or misinterpreted as behaviour problems rather than signs of neurodivergence.

    Many boys with AuDHD work incredibly hard to cope — until they can’t anymore.

    5 Signs a Boy Might Have AuDHD

    1. A Constant Push–Pull Between Independence and Support

    Your child may:

    • Want to do everything themselves
    • Then suddenly need reassurance or help
    • Push adults away, then seek closeness

    This isn’t inconsistency.
    It’s often the tension between ADHD impulsivity and autistic need for predictability and safety.

    2. Big Emotions That Switch Quickly

    You might notice:

    • Intense excitement, frustration, or distress
    • Sudden emotional shifts
    • Strong reactions that seem to come “out of nowhere”

    When ADHD emotional intensity combines with autistic sensitivity, regulation can be much harder — especially under stress.

    3. Focus That’s All-or-Nothing

    Many AuDHD children:

    • Struggle to focus on everyday tasks
    • Hyper-focus deeply on interests they love
    • Become distressed when interrupted

    This isn’t a lack of effort.
    It’s how their brain prioritises attention and motivation.

    4. Social Confidence Followed by Exhaustion

    Some boys with AuDHD appear:

    • Chatty
    • Funny
    • Confident around peers

    But afterwards, you may see:

    • Withdrawal
    • Meltdowns
    • Increased anxiety or shutdown

    This is often the result of masking — and masking is exhausting.

    5. School Difficulties That Don’t Fit One Category

    You might hear things like:

    • “He’s bright but distracted”
    • “He can do it when he wants to”
    • “His behaviour doesn’t make sense”

    When autism and ADHD overlap, children often fall between systems designed to support one or the other — but not both together.

    Why This Understanding Matters

    This isn’t about attaching a label.

    It’s about recognising that:

    • Behaviour is communication
    • Emotional regulation is a skill, not a choice
    • Support must match how a child’s brain works

    When children are understood, expectations become more realistic — and support becomes more effective.

    A Reassuring Note for Parents

    If this sounds familiar, you’re not overthinking it.

    Many parents sense early on that something doesn’t quite fit — long before professionals do.

    Trust that instinct.

    Understanding comes before behaviour.
    And support works best when it’s built on insight, not assumptions.

    If your child is struggling at school or you’re being told to “wait and see”, AskEllie is here to help you understand your rights and next steps.
    You’re very welcome to come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk — you’re not alone.

  • Psychologist Says These 5 Movies Every Toddler Should Watch First

    Because They Support Emotional & Social Development in Ways Everyday Play Sometimes Can’t

    When we talk about toddlers and screen time, the conversation is usually framed around limits, risks, and what not to do.

    But child psychologists and early-years specialists often take a more nuanced view: not all screen time is the same.

    Some films — when chosen carefully and watched intentionally — can support a child’s emotional and social development by helping them recognise feelings, understand relationships, and make sense of the world around them.

    These aren’t “educational” in the traditional sense.
    They don’t drill numbers or letters.
    Instead, they support something just as important in the early years: emotional understanding.

    Below are five films commonly recommended by child development professionals — and why the order matters.

    Why Movies Can Support Emotional Development

    Toddlers experience big feelings long before they have the language to explain them.

    Stories told through film allow children to:

    • See emotions played out safely
    • Recognise fear, joy, sadness, anger and excitement
    • Observe relationships, reassurance and repair
    • Build empathy by seeing the world through someone else’s eyes

    For some children — especially those who are sensitive, anxious, or neurodivergent — stories can reach emotional understanding in a way direct instruction sometimes can’t.

    The 5 Movies (And What They Support)

    1. Inside Out

    This film does something remarkable: it makes emotions visible.

    Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust are shown as normal parts of a child’s inner world — not problems to eliminate.

    For toddlers, this helps lay the foundations of emotional literacy.
    They may not yet say “I feel overwhelmed”, but they begin to recognise that feelings come and go — and that all emotions have a purpose.

    Supports:

    • Emotional awareness
    • Self-regulation
    • Understanding that feelings are not “bad”

    2. Finding Nemo

    At its heart, this is a story about attachment, fear, and trust.

    Children watch a parent struggle with anxiety, a child explore independence, and both learn that safety and courage can exist together.

    For toddlers, this gently introduces ideas around:

    • Separation and reunion
    • Reassurance
    • Resilience after fear

    Supports:

    • Secure attachment
    • Emotional reassurance
    • Perseverance

    3. Moana

    Moana doesn’t wait to be rescued. She listens to herself.

    Toddlers don’t process this as a “message”, but they absorb the emotional tone: trying, failing, continuing, trusting inner instincts.

    This is especially valuable for children who doubt themselves or feel anxious about new situations.

    Supports:

    • Confidence
    • Identity
    • Courage without pressure

    4. Zootopia

    Zootopia introduces big themes — difference, bias, fairness — in a way young children can access emotionally.

    Rather than lecturing, it shows:

    • Assumptions being challenged
    • Friendship across difference
    • The impact of being misunderstood

    For toddlers, this supports early empathy and social awareness.

    Supports:

    • Empathy
    • Acceptance
    • Social understanding

    5. Encanto

    Encanto resonates strongly with many families because it explores belonging, pressure, and being valued for who you are — not just what you can do.

    Even very young children pick up on:

    • Family dynamics
    • Emotional support
    • Uniqueness within a group

    For neurodivergent children especially, this can feel quietly affirming.

    Supports:

    • Sense of belonging
    • Emotional safety
    • Self-worth

    This Isn’t About “More Screen Time”

    It’s important to be clear:
    This isn’t about increasing screen time or replacing play, interaction, or real-world experiences.

    Instead, it’s about being intentional.

    When watched calmly, with an adult nearby, and talked about afterwards — even briefly — these films can support emotional development in ways that feel natural and safe.

    For many children, stories help make sense of feelings that are otherwise overwhelming.

    A Final Word for Parents

    If your child struggles with big emotions, anxiety, or social understanding — you’re not doing anything wrong.

    Emotional development is not linear.
    Some children need more support, more reassurance, and more time.

    Tools like stories and films don’t replace parenting — but they can support it.

    And sometimes, the right story at the right time helps a child understand themselves just a little bit more.

    If you’re navigating emotional, behavioural or school-related challenges with your child, AskEllie exists to support you.
    You’re very welcome to come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk — you’re not alone in this.

  • Are People Really Going to Lose PIP Because of Assessment Companies?

    What You Need to Know (Without the Panic)

    Over the past few days, we’ve seen a growing wave of anxiety online around Personal Independence Payment (PIP).
    Comments like “everyone is going to lose PIP now” or “the wrong company is doing assessments” are understandably frightening — especially for disabled people and SEND families who already feel under constant pressure.

    So let’s slow this down and look at what’s actually true, what isn’t, and what really protects you.

    First: Assessment Companies Do NOT Decide Your PIP Award

    This is the most important thing to understand.

    Assessment providers (such as Serco, Capita, IAS, Maximus, etc.) do not decide whether you get PIP.

    Their role is to:

    • Carry out the assessment
    • Write a report
    • Make recommendations

    The final decision is made by the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) — not the assessment company.

    That distinction matters.

    A New Provider Does NOT Mean the Rules Have Changed

    When a new company takes over assessments, it does not change:

    • PIP law
    • PIP criteria
    • Entitlement rules
    • Your legal rights

    The same legislation applies regardless of who conducts the assessment.

    What does change sometimes is how assessments are delivered, which can affect people’s experiences — but not the underlying legal framework.

    Why People Do Lose PIP (And It’s Not Usually the Provider)

    Most PIP decisions — especially removals at review — happen because of:

    • Lack of supporting evidence
    • Inconsistent answers
    • Focusing on “coping days” instead of worst days
    • Not clearly explaining risk, repetition, reliability, or safety
    • Assessment reports missing or misrepresenting key details

    This is why so many people successfully challenge decisions at Mandatory Reconsideration or Tribunal.

    The issue isn’t usually who assessed — it’s how the impact was evidenced.

    What PIP Is ACTUALLY Assessing

    PIP is not about:
    ❌ Diagnoses
    ❌ How hard you try
    ❌ How independent you look

    PIP is about function:

    • What you can do
    • What you can’t do
    • What causes distress, harm, exhaustion, shutdown, or risk

    And crucially — whether you can do tasks:

    • Safely
    • Repeatedly
    • Reliably
    • In a reasonable time

    If you can’t meet those standards, the law says it counts as not being able to do it.

    How to Protect Yourself at Review or Assessment

    If you’re worried about reassessment, these steps matter more than anything else:

    1. Evidence Everything

    Letters from:

    • GP
    • Consultant
    • OT
    • CAMHS
    • SEN professionals
    • Support workers

    Even personal statements or diaries can help.

    2. Talk About Your Worst Days

    PIP is not assessed on your best day.
    If you fluctuate, explain:

    • How often bad days happen
    • What happens on them
    • What support you need then

    3. Be Consistent (Not Optimistic)

    Many people lose points because they:

    • Minimise difficulties
    • Say “I manage” instead of explaining the cost
    • Mask during assessments

    You don’t need to exaggerate — but you do need to be honest.

    4. Challenge Wrong Decisions

    A refusal or reduction is not the end.
    Many people win at:

    • Mandatory Reconsideration
    • Tribunal

    Appeals exist because the system gets things wrong — often.

    Fear Spreads Fast. Knowledge Protects People.

    It’s completely valid to feel anxious — especially if you’ve had a bad assessment before.

    But panic helps nobody.

    What does help is:

    • Understanding your rights
    • Knowing how PIP really works
    • Preparing properly
    • Challenging unfair decisions

    That’s why AskEllie exists — to give clarity in a system that often relies on confusion.

    Need More Help?

    We’ll continue breaking down:

    • PIP reviews
    • Assessments
    • Evidence wording
    • Appeals
    • Disabled rights

    So families don’t feel alone or powerless.

    You’re not failing.
    You’re navigating a system that was never designed to be easy.