Blog

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Being threatened with court action because your child can’t attend school is one of the most distressing things a parent can face—especially when that child has special educational needs, anxiety, or is awaiting support. At AskEllie, we hear from families all over the UK who are being dragged through the legal system instead of being offered the understanding and support they need.

This guide will walk you through what’s happening, what your rights are, and how to prepare if your local authority (LA) decides to take legal action.

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Why Am I Being Taken to Court?

Under Section 444 of the Education Act 1996, parents can be prosecuted if their child “fails to attend regularly” at school. There are two levels:

• Section 444(1) – failing to ensure regular attendance (fine up to £1,000)
• Section 444(1A) – if the LA believes the absence was intentional or aggravated, penalties may include a fine up to £2,500 or even imprisonment (rare, but scary).

BUT: If your child’s non-attendance is due to illness, special educational needs, anxiety, or an unsuitable school placement, you may have a valid defence.

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What Are My Rights?

You have the right to:

• Explain your child’s needs
• Present evidence that supports why school attendance has been difficult
• Challenge the suitability of the education provided
• Raise safeguarding or mental health concerns
• Request or highlight the failure to provide alternative provision or EHCP support

Many parents don’t realise that absence related to emotional distress, school-based anxiety, or unmet SEND can be considered a valid reason, especially if you have medical or psychological evidence.

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Steps To Take Immediately:

1. Collect Evidence
   • Diagnosis or assessment reports
   • EHCP (if you have one) or evidence of a pending application
   • GP letters, CAMHS letters, therapist notes
   • Emails with school or the LA about attendance issues
   • Screenshots of communication if necessary
2. Make a Written Statement
   • Clearly explain your child’s needs, the impact of school, and what support you’ve requested or been refused
   • Highlight any trauma, refusal behaviours, or safeguarding concerns
3. Request Legal Support
   • Contact SENDIASS in your area
   • Use legal aid solicitors who understand SEND law
   • Charities like IPSEA and SOS!SEN may be able to guide you further
4. Ask the LA to Reconsider
   • Remind them of their duties under the Children and Families Act 2014
   • Ask why they are pursuing prosecution over offering support or EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than At School)

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What Happens In Court?

If it goes to court:

• You can represent yourself, but legal representation is strongly advised.
• The magistrates will look at evidence of non-attendance but also your explanation and circumstances.
• If you have shown that you are doing everything you can to get help and support your child, it will be taken into account.

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Remember:

You are not alone. Many parents are being wrongly criminalised for trying to protect their children from unsuitable, unsafe, or unsupported education environments.

Ellie was built for this exact reason—to help families navigate systems that often feel impossible.

If you’re facing court over your child’s attendance, visit AskEllie.co.uk for support, guidance, and free resources to help you stand your ground.

You are not a bad parent. You are a parent doing your best in a broken system.

This is the question no one wants to ask out loud.
The one that keeps you up at night.
The one that makes you feel like you’re failing as a parent—even when you’re doing everything you can.

“I have two children with different needs. One can just about manage school. The other can’t cope at all. And trying to fight for one is slowly breaking the other.”
“What am I supposed to do?”

We’ve heard this story more times than we can count.
One child at home, refusing or unable to attend school.
The other barely holding on—exhausted by the stress, scared of being dragged into it, or even begging not to be linked to their sibling for fear of being bullied or burdened.

And you? You’re stuck in the middle. Torn. Burnt out.
Feeling like there’s no “right” answer.

When the System Makes You Choose

No parent should have to decide which child to put first.
But that’s what a broken system does. It creates impossible choices.
Do you keep one child out of a damaging school, knowing it means your other child might lose their safe space, their focus, or their social group?
Do you push for provision that meets the needs of one, when the other is begging not to be in the same building?

These aren’t just logistical challenges. They’re emotional landmines.
And they shouldn’t be falling on families to fix.

You Are Not Alone in This

What we want you to hear—loud and clear—is this:
You are not a bad parent for struggling to balance this.
You are not wrong for protecting your child who is at home.
And you are not failing the one who’s just barely coping.

You are being placed in an unworkable situation—and still doing your best.

What You Can Do

• Document everything: Including the impact on both children. If one is struggling emotionally, socially, or academically due to the situation—write it down.
• Request a review of provision: If an EHCP exists, ask for a new placement that works for everyone’s safety and stability.
• Ask for separate transitions or support plans: Children should not be expected to manage each other’s needs in school. It’s okay to request that your children not be placed together if it’s not emotionally safe.

And most of all: Get support for yourself. You shouldn’t have to carry this alone.

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At AskEllie, we’ve spoken to parents who’ve lost jobs, homes, and relationships trying to hold the pieces together for more than one child. These aren’t isolated stories. This is a pattern.

If you’re in this position—or close to it—come by AskEllie.co.uk. We’ll help you get clear on your rights, what to ask for, and how to move forward without sacrificing one child’s needs for another’s.

Because no family should ever be forced to make this choice.

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Most of us are so deep in the fight—EHCPs, diagnoses, school placements, Tribunal appeals—that we barely have time to breathe, let alone think about the future. But here’s the truth no one tells you early enough:

👉 Our children with autism grow up.
And when they do, the whole system changes.

Support doesn’t automatically continue after 16 or 18. New assessments, new criteria, adult social care, college or employment options, benefits changes—it’s like starting all over again… just when you thought you were getting somewhere.

Here’s what you can start thinking about early, even if your child is still in primary school:

✅ Make sure the EHCP includes Preparing for Adulthood outcomes by Year 9 – It’s the law, but many LAs skip it.
✅ Start gathering evidence for things like independence, travel training, managing money, or support needs at home
✅ Get familiar with adult services – Education, health, social care… they all work differently after 18.
✅ Think about benefits – PIP (not DLA) and adult ESA/Universal Credit are a whole new world.
✅ And most importantly: talk to your child about their hopes, goals, and fears. Their voice matters.

Let’s not wait until they turn 17 to realise we needed to start this years ago. You’re not failing if you didn’t know this—it’s just one more thing the system doesn’t make clear.

We’re here for all of it—from first diagnosis to adulthood.
💛 Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk for help navigating what’s next.

There comes a moment in many SEND families’ journeys when everything breaks.
When the early mornings become panic attacks.
When the school gates feel like a battlefield.
When your child, who used to try so hard, just… stops.

They can’t go in.
And you can’t make them.

And suddenly, you’re not just navigating a broken system—you’re fighting to protect your child from it.

“It Was Never Meant to Be This Way…”

So many parents tell us: “We tried everything. Rewards, routines, therapists, early mornings, lifting them into the car… but it just kept getting worse.”

And the heartbreak? It’s not just watching your child unravel. It’s being told it’s your fault. That you’re “colluding” with their anxiety. That they “just need boundaries.” That it’s a parenting issue, not a provision one.

Let’s be clear: it is not your fault.

When a child cannot cope with school, the answer isn’t to double down on forcing them in. The answer is to listen to what their distress is telling us—and act on it.

What Does “Not Coping” Really Look Like?

For some kids, it’s screaming and lashing out before school.
For others, it’s silence, shutdown, or illness every single morning.
Some kids become aggressive. Others just disappear into themselves.

And when they do make it into school, the cost can be huge—meltdowns at home, exhaustion, refusal to eat, sleep, speak. We hear stories every day of children who are technically attending school—but are crumbling underneath.

That is not education.
That is survival. And it cannot last.

What Can You Do When You Reach This Point?

1. Put it in writing.
   Let the school and local authority know that your child is no longer able to attend due to emotional or mental health needs. Use words like “not fit to attend,” “trauma,” and “emotional-based school avoidance.”
2. Request a change to provision.
   If your child has an EHCP, you can request an early review and ask for Education Otherwise Than In School (EOTIS). If they don’t, you can request an EHCP and ask for interim provision under Section 19 of the Education Act.
3. Collect evidence.
   Letters from your GP, Educational Psychologist, CAMHS, or therapist all help. Even your own records of behaviour and distress matter. Your voice counts.
4. Say no to pressure.
   You are not legally required to force your child into school if it’s harming them. Keep everything in writing and seek support.

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At AskEllie, we’ve read hundreds of stories from families who hit this exact point. And while every situation is different, the pain is shared: the feeling that you’re screaming into a void, trying to protect your child from a system that doesn’t seem to care.

But there are steps you can take. There are legal protections. And there is a growing movement of parents saying enough is enough.

If your child can’t cope with school anymore, you’re not alone.
Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk—we’re here to help you push back, be heard, and find a way forward.

A major legal challenge is now underway—one that could have a huge impact on families of children with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) who rely on independent schools.

What’s happening?

The government plans to introduce VAT on private school fees, as part of a wider effort to raise funds and support state education. But families of disabled children are fighting back, arguing that this policy is not just unfair—it’s discriminatory.

The case, currently at the High Court, argues that applying VAT to private school fees will force many SEND children out of specialist schools and into mainstream settings that simply can’t meet their needs. For many of these children, private education isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline.

Why does it matter?

Families aren’t choosing private schools for prestige—they’re choosing them because the local authority has failed to meet their child’s needs in a mainstream setting.

These schools often offer:

• Smaller class sizes
• Staff trained in neurodiversity and PDA
• Therapies on-site
• Flexible, sensory-friendly learning environments

All things that can be essential for a child’s wellbeing, regulation, and academic success.

What are parents saying?

Parents involved in the case have said that taxing these fees is effectively punishing them for having children with disabilities. Some families fear they’ll be forced to withdraw their children from environments where they are finally thriving—back into systems that previously left them traumatised or out of education altogether.

What happens next?

The outcome of this case could set a major precedent. If successful, it may push the government to reconsider VAT exemptions for SEND-specific placements—especially in cases where a private setting is named in a child’s EHCP.

But for now, the fight is ongoing—and families are watching closely.

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💬 What do you think? Should private school fees for children with EHCPs be exempt from VAT? Let us know your thoughts.

🧭 For more support with SEND rights, EHCPs, and understanding how policy changes could affect your family, come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk. We’re here to help.

You’ve probably heard the phrase before—“school refusal.”
It gets whispered in meetings, scribbled in reports, thrown around like it’s a behaviour problem, a parenting issue, or just another box to tick.

But let’s be real:
Our kids aren’t refusing school.
They’re surviving it.

And here in 2025, it’s time we stop treating emotional breakdowns like disobedience—and start listening to what these children are really trying to tell us.

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“EBSA” Is the Label. But What’s the Story?

EBSA stands for Emotionally Based School Avoidance.
It’s a better phrase than “refusal,” but it still doesn’t tell the full story. Because what’s actually happening is this:

➡️ A child’s nervous system is sounding the alarm.
➡️ They feel unsafe, unseen, unsupported—or all three.
➡️ And their brain is doing exactly what it was wired to do: protect them.

This isn’t about defiance.
It’s about survival.

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We Are Asking Kids to Tolerate Environments That Are Breaking Them

Fluorescent lights, unpredictable routines, sensory overload, shame-based behaviour systems, isolation booths, sticker charts that don’t work, teachers who shout, peers who bully, staff who don’t believe…
And we wonder why they’re not walking through the door.

Would we?

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What the Professionals Sometimes Miss

Even in 2025, too many professionals still say things like:
❌ “Just bring them in for 20 minutes a day.”
❌ “He’ll get used to it if you’re consistent.”
❌ “She needs to face her fears.”
❌ “You’re giving in too easily.”

Here’s the truth:

“Exposure therapy” doesn’t work when the environment is actually harmful.

You can’t desensitise a child to a system that retraumatises them daily.
You can only listen to what they’re showing you—and adapt.

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What These Children Actually Need

✅ Emotional safety first
✅ Trusted adult relationships
✅ Sensory-informed environments
✅ Flexible timetables or EOTAS
✅ Validation, not punishment
✅ Parents who are backed—not blamed

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Dear Parent: You’re Not Enabling. You’re Protecting.

If you’ve been told your child is manipulating, refusing, or being difficult—please hear this:

You are not a failure for choosing your child’s safety over forced attendance.
You are not alone for saying “no more” to tears, meltdowns, or physical restraint.
You are not the problem.

You’re the one doing what the system should be doing—listening, adapting, and loving without condition.

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**Let’s Stop Asking “How Do We Get Them In?”

And Start Asking “Why Can’t They?”**

What if “school refusal” became a trigger phrase—not for shame, but for action?
What if it meant: This child is telling us something important. We need to respond.

The next time you hear “refusal,” remember:
It’s not defiance.
It’s a child’s nervous system saying, “I’m not okay.”

And the sooner we stop punishing them for it, the sooner we can build something better.

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Need help explaining EBSA to school, the LA, or professionals who don’t get it?
Want to know your rights around EOTAS, mental health, or school attendance pressure?

Come by AskEllie.co.uk — you’re not imagining it. You’re not alone. And you’re doing the right thing.

Caring for a child with special educational needs (SEN) is often all-consuming. The appointments, the school meetings, the EHCP paperwork—and on top of that, you’re trying to manage your child’s emotions, behaviour, sensory needs, and your own mental wellbeing. It’s no wonder so many parents say they’re running on empty.

This post is a gentle reminder that your needs matter too—and offers practical self-care tips to help you feel more in control, more supported, and more like yourself again.

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1. Get Organised—But Give Yourself Grace

Organisation can make a world of difference in reducing stress:

• Use a shared family calendar to track appointments, deadlines, and school reviews.
• Keep a folder (physical or digital) for all EHCP and medical documents—so you’re not scrambling every time something is needed.
• Use reminder apps or sticky notes for medication, calls, or daily routines.

But don’t put pressure on yourself to run your household like a military operation. Being organised is about freeing up mental space—not adding guilt.

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2. Figure Out What Works (and What Doesn’t)

Every SEN family is different. Take time to notice:

• What routines actually help your child feel calm and regulated?
• What activities drain you emotionally—and which fill you up?
• Which professionals listen and support you—and which don’t?

You don’t need to follow every bit of advice from school or services. Trust your instincts. Build around what works for you. Let go of what doesn’t.

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3. Use the Support That Exists—Even If It’s Flawed

We all know the system isn’t perfect, but there are still services that can lighten the load:

• SENDIASS – Offers local advice and support on EHCPs and school rights.
• Carer’s Assessments – These are for you as a parent, and can lead to practical support.
• Parent support groups – Online or in-person, these are vital places to vent, share, and realise you’re not alone.

If you feel like you’re getting nowhere, places like AskEllie can help you understand your rights and navigate the maze.

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4. Create Small, Manageable Self-Help Habits

You don’t need a full day off (though we wish you could have one!). Try:

• 10 minutes of deep breathing or walking outside.
• Listening to a podcast or music while doing chores.
• Saying no to one thing a week that drains you.
• Leaving the dishes for once and going to bed early.

Tiny acts of self-care matter. They’re what keep you going in the long run.

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5. Look After Your Mental Health—It’s Not a Luxury

Caring for a child with SEN often involves grief, burnout, isolation, and trauma. If you’re feeling low, angry, or anxious—that’s valid.

Consider:

• Talking to your GP about stress or anxiety.
• Asking your local authority if they offer counselling or respite.
• Reaching out to other parents who just get it.

Your wellbeing isn’t selfish—it’s essential for your child’s wellbeing too.

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You Deserve Support Too

You don’t need to be superhuman. You just need space to breathe, tools to manage the chaos, and people who understand what you’re going through.

For help with EHCPs, school battles, and navigating SEND systems, come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk. You matter too.

When raising a child with Special Educational Needs (SEN), planning family holidays requires careful consideration of school attendance regulations. Understanding the current rules is essential to avoid potential fines and ensure your child’s educational needs are met.​

1. Understanding Term-Time Holiday Regulations

In England, headteachers can only authorize term-time holidays under “exceptional circumstances.” Family holidays are generally not considered exceptional, making unauthorized absences subject to fines. This policy applies to all students, including those with SEN. ​House of Commons Library

2. Fines for Unauthorised Absences

As of August 2024, fines for unauthorized school absences have been standardized across England:​

• £80 if paid within 21 days.​The Sun
• £160 if paid within 28 days.​bso.bradford.gov.uk+2Birmingham City Council+2Sefton Council+2

These fines are per parent, per child. Repeated offenses may lead to further legal actions, including prosecution. ​Education HubBirmingham City Council

3. Considerations for SEN Children

While the regulations apply to all students, parents of SEN children can discuss specific circumstances with the headteacher. For instance, if a child with autism would benefit from a holiday during less crowded periods due to sensory sensitivities, this might be considered an exceptional circumstance. However, approval is at the discretion of the headteacher, and there’s no guarantee of authorization. ​

4. Recommendations for Parents

• Open Communication: Engage in a dialogue with your child’s school to explain any unique needs or circumstances that might warrant term-time leave.​
• Documentation: Provide supporting evidence, such as recommendations from healthcare professionals, to substantiate your request.​
• Stay Informed: Regularly check for updates from the Department for Education and consult with local authorities to stay informed about any changes to attendance policies.​

By understanding these regulations and maintaining open communication with your child’s school, you can better navigate the complexities of term-time holidays for SEN children.

If you’ve ever typed into a SEND support group at 2AM, overwhelmed, exhausted, and desperate for answers—you’re not alone.

Thousands of parents across the UK are asking the same questions every day. At AskEllie, we’ve seen them all—and we’re here to give you clear, straight answers.

Here are the most common questions asked by parents in Facebook groups:

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1. Do I need a diagnosis to get an EHCP?

No.
An EHCP is based on needs, not labels. A diagnosis can help clarify things, but it’s not required. What matters is the evidence showing what your child struggles with and what support they need.

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2. Can the school refuse to apply for an EHCP?

They can, but you don’t have to wait.
You can apply directly as a parent to the local authority. You don’t need the school’s permission or support to do this.

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3. Is it worth going private for a diagnosis or report?

It depends. A well-written private report from a trusted professional can help—but it doesn’t guarantee anything. What matters most is that it clearly describes the child’s needs and recommends specific provision.

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4. My child can’t cope with school anymore—what can I do?

If your child is emotionally or mentally unfit to attend, the school and LA must provide alternative provision. You can ask for Education Otherwise Than In School (EOTIS) if they can’t access school safely.

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5. What is Alternative Provision (AP) and why is my child being sent there?

AP is education provided outside of mainstream, often for children struggling to manage in a regular setting. It must still meet their EHCP needs, and shouldn’t be used as a dumping ground.

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6. Should I send my child to a school just to “prove it doesn’t work”?

No.
If a setting is clearly unsuitable or unsafe, you do not need to send your child in to prove harm. Instead, focus on gathering professional evidence and requesting a review or appeal.

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7. We’re going to Tribunal—what do I need to prepare?

You’ll need:

• Evidence of needs (from reports, observations, etc.)
• Examples of what hasn’t worked
• A clear ask: what you want changed in the EHCP
  We’ve got a full guide to help at AskEllie.co.uk.

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8. When do I go to the Ombudsman?

If your LA is ignoring legal deadlines, delaying support, or refusing to act—and you’ve tried the complaints process—it’s time to escalate. The Ombudsman can investigate and even award compensation.

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9. How do I manage my child’s meltdowns and still protect the rest of the family?

It’s tough. There’s no perfect answer—but calm routines, low-demand environments, sibling support, and knowing you’re not alone can make all the difference. There’s a full post about this on our blog.

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10. What if no one came to my child’s birthday party?

Then we cry with you. And remind you: this isn’t about your child being unlovable. It’s about a system—and a society—that still hasn’t learned how to embrace difference. You’re not alone, and neither is your child.

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These are just a few of the most common questions asked by thousands of parents every day. At AskEllie, we’ve built a tool to make sure those questions aren’t just answered—but acted on.

Come by AskEllie.co.uk—for legal support, emotional backup, and the knowledge that you are not in this alone.

You’re asking the right questions. We’re here to help you find the right answers.

Every parent hopes their child will enjoy school. But for some families, especially those with neurodivergent children, school doesn’t just fall short—it becomes the source of trauma.

We’ve heard from so many parents through AskEllie whose children have been placed in specialist settings that simply don’t work. Their child never settles. They never manage to attend. And after months—or even years—of trying, pleading, and waiting for change, the only thing left is the one thing the system resists the most: Education Otherwise Than In School (EOTIS).

What is EOTIS?

EOTIS is a legal route where a child is educated outside of a school setting—usually at home, with support in place from the local authority. It’s not the same as elective home education. It’s provision named in the EHCP, backed by professionals, because it’s the only way the child can access learning without further harm.

When School Is No Longer Safe

Parents often arrive at this point after years of failed placements, escalating anxiety, and trauma responses that make any kind of attendance impossible. Some children have told schools outright: “I can’t go.” Others become ill every morning. Some lash out. Some go silent. Some shut down entirely.

And too often, the response from schools or local authorities is: “He can come in. We just need you to make him.”

We’ve seen it countless times—parents being told their child’s provision won’t be delivered unless they physically get them into school. One parent shared that the school said the EHCP only “activates” if the child walks through the school gates. When they asked how to get their traumatised 8-year-old in, the answer was: “Just make him.”

That’s not education. That’s coercion.

Why It Matters to Get It Right

When a child is struggling to attend school due to anxiety, trauma, sensory issues or fear, forcing them in can backfire badly. It can destroy trust not only in the setting—but in learning itself.

Instead, what these children need is a setting that meets them where they are, builds trust, and slowly re-engages them in education. That’s what EOTIS can offer—if the local authority is willing to listen.

What the Law Says

If an EHCP names a setting your child cannot attend, and you have professional evidence supporting EOTIS (like an Educational Psychologist or psychotherapist), the local authority has a legal duty to ensure the provision in Section F is delivered—whether in school or not.

They cannot legally withhold provision just because your child isn’t physically present at school. Section 42 of the Children and Families Act 2014 is clear: the LA must secure the provision in the EHCP.

What Parents Can Do

• Gather evidence: If professionals recommend EOTIS, get it in writing.
• Put everything in writing: Ask the school and LA how they plan to deliver provision if your child cannot attend.
• Consider appealing: If the EHCP names a setting that’s unsuitable in practice, you can appeal to Tribunal for a change of placement or an EOTIS package.
• Document the harm: If your child’s mental health is suffering due to school pressure, keep a clear record. This matters.

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At AskEllie, we’ve been deeply moved by the stories families have shared. Stories of children who want to learn but simply cannot cope in the settings they’ve been placed in. Stories of exhausted parents being made to feel like failures for protecting their kids.

It’s time to stop asking “Why won’t they go to school?”
And start asking: “What has school done to them?”

If this is your story, or close to it, we hear you.
You can get help, templates, and guidance at AskEllie.co.uk — come by and see us.