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And the 10 books that support children’s brains, emotions, and connection

Bedtime is often seen as the final hurdle of the day — teeth brushed, pyjamas on, lights out. But psychologists and child development experts are increasingly clear on this:

What happens in the minutes before sleep can shape how a child’s brain develops, regulates emotions, and feels safe in the world.

Reading a bedtime story isn’t just about literacy. It’s about nervous system regulation, emotional development, and connection — especially for children who are neurodivergent.

What psychology tells us about bedtime stories

As children wind down for sleep, their brains move from a high-alert, busy state into a calmer one. This is when the brain is most receptive to:

• emotional learning
• language absorption
• memory consolidation
• feelings of safety and attachment

When a trusted adult reads aloud, the child’s nervous system receives a powerful message: you are safe, you are connected, and the day is complete.

For many children — particularly those with autism, ADHD, PDA, anxiety, or sensory sensitivities — this sense of safety is essential. Their nervous systems often stay activated long after the day ends, and bedtime can be a trigger rather than a comfort.

A familiar story, read in a predictable way, helps the brain downshift.

Why this matters even more for SEND children

Neurodivergent children often experience:

• heightened anxiety at night
• difficulty transitioning from activity to rest
• sensory overload
• racing thoughts or emotional “spillover” from the day

Bedtime stories can help by:

• providing structure and predictability
• reducing cognitive load
• supporting language development without pressure
• building emotional understanding through characters
• strengthening attachment through shared calm

Importantly, it doesn’t matter if the same book is read every night. Repetition is regulating, not boring, for many SEND children.

It’s not about reading “correctly”

You don’t need to ask questions, analyse the story, or make it educational.

What matters most is:

• your voice
• your presence
• the shared moment
• the routine

Even children who don’t appear to be listening are often absorbing far more than we realise.

10 bedtime books that support development and regulation

These books are widely loved by parents and children and support emotional, cognitive, and relational development:

1. The Gruffalo – Julia Donaldson
   Predictable rhythm, humour, and problem-solving build language and confidence.
2. The Gruffalo’s Child – Julia Donaldson
   Explores fear, bravery, and reassurance in a safe, familiar structure.
3. Guess How Much I Love You – Sam McBratney
   Supports attachment, reassurance, and emotional connection.
4. We’re Going on a Bear Hunt – Michael Rosen
   Repetition and rhythm help regulate sensory and emotional processing.
5. The Tiger Who Came to Tea – Judith Kerr
   Encourages imagination, flexibility, and emotional understanding.
6. Room on the Broom – Julia Donaldson
   Explores inclusion, friendship, and cooperation.
7. The Colour Monster – Anna Llenas
   Helps children identify and understand emotions.
8. Owl Babies – Martin Waddell
   A powerful story for separation anxiety and reassurance.
9. Peace at Last – Jill Murphy
   Especially validating for children who struggle with sleep.
10. Where the Wild Things Are – Maurice Sendak
    Supports emotional expression, anger, and safe return to connection.

The long-term impact

Over time, these small nightly moments help children develop:

• emotional literacy
• resilience
• empathy
• trust in relationships
• healthier sleep patterns

They also give parents something invaluable: connection without conflict at the end of the day.

A gentle reminder for parents

If bedtime feels hard right now, that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

You don’t need to fix sleep.
You don’t need to fix behaviour.
You don’t need to fix your child.

Sometimes, the most powerful support is simply being there, reading a story, and ending the day with safety.

One of the most common things parents hear is:
“They’re absolutely fine at school.”

Yet at home, it’s a very different story.
Meltdowns. Anger. Tears. Shutdowns. Explosions over seemingly small things.

This contrast often leaves parents feeling confused, judged, or blamed.
But there is a clear psychological explanation — and it’s not bad parenting.

Children Behave Differently Where They Feel Safest

Psychologists have long recognised a pattern where children appear regulated and compliant in public settings, yet struggle intensely at home.

This isn’t coincidence.

School requires children to:

• Sit still for long periods
• Follow constant instructions
• Manage noise, transitions, and social rules
• Suppress emotions to “cope”

For neurodivergent children — including those with autism, ADHD, PDA, or anxiety — this effort is exhausting.

By the time they get home, their nervous system is overloaded.

Home Is Not Where Children Perform — It’s Where They Unload

At home, something important happens.

Your child’s brain recognises safety.

The moment they see their parent or caregiver, their body shifts from survival mode into release. Stress hormones that were held in all day begin to spill out.

What looks like:

• Rudeness
• Aggression
• Defiance
• Emotional outbursts

Is often nervous system release, not poor behaviour.

In other words:
They fall apart where they know they won’t be abandoned.

Why Punishment Often Makes Things Worse

When children are already dysregulated, traditional discipline can backfire.

Constant correction teaches children to mask emotions rather than process them. Over time, this can lead to:

• Increased anxiety
• Burnout
• Emotional shutdown
• Behaviour escalating rather than improving

Research consistently shows that regulation develops through co-regulation, not punishment.

A calm adult nervous system helps a child’s nervous system settle.

“If Your Child Explodes With You, You Are Home Base”

Many therapists use this phrase for a reason.

Children don’t release big emotions with people they don’t trust. They do it with the people they believe will still love them afterwards.

That doesn’t mean boundaries aren’t important — they are.
But boundaries work best when paired with safety, understanding, and regulation.

What This Means for Parents

If your child behaves worse at home than anywhere else:

• You are not failing
• Your child is not manipulative
• You have not “caused” the behaviour

You are the place where their nervous system feels safe enough to stop holding it all in.

For SEND families especially, recognising this pattern can help shift conversations with schools, professionals, and even ourselves — away from blame and towards support.

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If you’re navigating school anxiety, masking, or emotional burnout in your child, you’re not alone.
At AskEllie, we help families understand what’s really happening — and what support you’re entitled to when systems don’t see the full picture.

👉 Visit AskEllie.co.uk for clear guidance, rights-based support, and reassurance that you’re not imagining this.

Millions of people claiming benefits or the state pension will see their payments increase from April. The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) has now confirmed the new rates — but headlines don’t always explain what this actually means for families trying to make ends meet.

This post breaks it down clearly, with a focus on Universal Credit, child-related payments, and disability benefits, and what these changes could mean in real terms.

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Why Are Benefits Increasing?

Each year, many benefits are adjusted in line with inflation to reflect the rising cost of living.

From April:

• Some benefits will increase by 3.8%
• Others by 2.3%
• The state pension will rise by 4.8%

These increases are automatic — you do not need to reapply.

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Universal Credit: New Monthly Rates From April

Universal Credit is a means-tested benefit. What you receive depends on your income, savings, household makeup, and additional elements such as disability or housing costs.

From April, the standard monthly allowance will increase to:

• Single person under 25:
  £338.58 (up from £316.98)
• Single person aged 25 or over:
  £424.90 (up from £400.14)
• Joint claimants both under 25:
  £528.34 (up from £497.50)
• Joint claimants both aged 25 or over:
  £666.97 (up from £628.10)

These figures are the base rate — before child elements, disability elements, or housing support are added.

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A Major Change for Parents: The End of the Two-Child Benefit Cap

One of the most significant changes for families is the end of the two-child benefit cap.

Until now, families on Universal Credit could only receive child elements for two children, even if they had more. From April, this restriction will be removed.

New Child Element Rates

• £351.88 per month for a first child born before 6 April 2017
• £303.94 per month for any other child

This change will particularly affect larger families and SEND households who were previously excluded from support for additional children.

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Attendance Allowance: New Weekly Rates

Attendance Allowance is for people over state pension age who need help with personal care due to illness or disability.

It is not means-tested, which means savings and income do not affect eligibility.

From April:

• Higher rate: £114.60 per week (up from £110.40)
• Lower rate: £76.70 per week (up from £73.90)

Attendance Allowance can also increase entitlement to other support, including help with council tax or carers’ benefits.

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Will These Increases Make Families Better Off?

While these rises are welcome, many families — especially SEND families — may still feel under pressure due to:

• Rising food and energy costs
• Increased care and disability-related expenses
• Reduced access to local support services

For some households, the increase may only offset part of these rising costs.

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What You Should Do Now

• Check your entitlement: Many people are eligible for support but aren’t claiming.
• Review your award notice in April: Make sure the new rates have been applied correctly.
• Seek advice if your circumstances have changed: This includes caring responsibilities, disability, or changes to household income.

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Need Help Understanding What You’re Entitled To?

The benefits system is complex — and often unclear by design.

At AskEllie, we help families and disabled people:

• Understand benefit changes
• Check what they may be entitled to
• Make sense of confusing DWP letters
• Access support without jargon or judgement

👉 Visit AskEllie.co.uk for clear, practical guidance.

Recent headlines have reported that toddlers’ ability to speak may be damaged by screen time. For many parents — especially those already supporting children with additional needs — this kind of news can feel alarming, guilt-inducing, or confusing.

So what does the research actually say? And what does it really mean for SEND families?

Let’s break it down clearly and compassionately.

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What the Research Is Saying (In Plain English)

Studies looking at toddlers and screen use are not claiming that screens are “bad” or that screen time causes developmental conditions such as autism or ADHD.

What researchers have found is this:

• Higher levels of passive screen time in toddlers are associated with:
  • Smaller vocabularies
  • Fewer spoken words
  • Fewer back-and-forth conversations
• Toddlers learn language best through real human interaction, not passive watching.

In simple terms:
👉 When screens replace conversation, play, and interaction, language development can be affected.

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Why This Matters Even More for SEND Families

For many neurodivergent children — including autistic children, children with ADHD, sensory processing differences, or speech delays — communication development can already be more complex.

This means:

• They may need more repetition, not less
• They benefit from slower, responsive interaction
• Their brains often learn language differently

When screen time becomes the main source of stimulation — especially when used alone — it can reduce opportunities for the kind of interaction these children need most.

Importantly:
📌 Screen time does not cause autism or ADHD
📌 Screens are not “to blame”
📌 The issue is what screens replace, not their existence

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Why Screens Can Be So Appealing (And That’s Not a Failure)

For many SEND families, screens are:

• Regulating
• Predictable
• Calming
• A way to manage overwhelm

And in some cases — such as AAC use, visual supports, or co-viewed learning — screens can actually support communication.

The problem isn’t using screens.
The problem is relying on passive, unsupervised screen time in place of interaction during critical developmental years.

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What Actually Helps Speech and Communication Development

Research consistently shows that toddlers develop language through interactive experiences, such as:

• Talking during daily routines
• Naming objects, actions, and feelings
• Reading books together (even briefly)
• Singing songs and nursery rhymes
• Playing and taking turns
• Responding when your child communicates — verbally or non-verbally

Even small moments of connection matter more than long structured activities.

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Practical, Realistic Tips for Parents

This doesn’t need to be all-or-nothing. For SEND families especially, balance matters.

Helpful approaches include:

1. Co-view screens when possible
Talk about what’s happening on the screen. Pause and comment. Ask simple questions.

2. Narrate daily life
You don’t need special activities — just describe what you’re doing as you go.

3. Use screens intentionally
Choose content that invites interaction rather than passive watching.

4. Reduce background screen noise
TV playing constantly in the background reduces language exposure even if your child isn’t “watching.”

5. Trust your instincts
If screens are helping your child regulate, that matters — but try to balance this with interaction when possible.

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A Final Word for Parents

This research is not about blaming parents or creating fear.

It’s about understanding that:

• Toddlers’ brains grow through interaction
• Screens can quietly replace those moments if we’re not careful
• SEND children may need even more support, not less

If you’re doing your best in a system that doesn’t always support families — you’re not failing.

Small changes, gentle awareness, and connection go a long way.

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You are not doing it wrong.
You’re learning, adapting, and responding to your child — and that matters.

Recent research and government data in the UK have highlighted increasing concerns over the impact of screen time on young children’s language development — including toddlers’ ability to speak and build vocabulary. While screens are now a huge part of family life, evidence suggests that too much passive screen use can interfere with the early years when language skills are rapidly developing.

More Screen Time, Fewer Words

UK government research shows that nearly all two-year-olds are using screens every day, with an average of over two hours of screen time — more than double what the World Health Organization recommends for under-fives. Children with the highest screen exposure were found to have smaller vocabularies compared with those with lower screen use.

Experts warn that this doesn’t just mean less speech while watching screens; it’s also that screen time often replaces other critical developmental interactions — like talking, playing, and reading — that are essential for growing communication skills.

What Research Shows

Beyond this UK data, multiple studies around the world support the idea that excessive screen exposure in early childhood is linked to poorer language skills:

• A review of research on screen time and child language development found that higher screen use and earlier exposure are associated with negative effects on language development, especially in toddlers.
• Studies have found that when screen time displaces parent-child interaction and conversation, toddlers hear fewer adult words and take fewer opportunities to practise speaking. One cohort study found that for each additional minute of screen time, children engaged in fewer conversational turns — which are crucial for early language growth.
• Other research suggests that children who spend two hours or more a day on devices show poorer scores on language development tests and a higher likelihood of language comprehension and expressive language difficulties compared with peers with less screen exposure.

Why Screen Time Affects Speech

There are a few reasons experts think screen use can hold back toddlers’ speech:

1. Reduced real-world interactions — Talking and responding in real human conversation is one of the strongest drivers of language development. Screen time often reduces these opportunities.
2. Passive learning isn’t enough — Toddlers learn language by hearing and using words in back-and-forth engagement. Screens don’t respond the way a caregiver does, so learning can be limited.
3. Displacing active play and reading time — Language doesn’t develop in isolation; it grows through shared attention, play, and rich verbal interaction — all of which can be crowded out by screen use.

What Parents Can Do

Complete avoidance of screens isn’t realistic for most families — and in some cases, co-viewing or interactive apps can be part of healthy use. However, these tips are supported by research and expert guidance:

• Limit passive screen time — especially under age 2 or when it replaces talking and playing with caregivers.
• Prioritise face-to-face interaction — read books, narrate routines, and talk back and forth with your toddler.
• Use screens together — when screen time does happen, be present and talk about what you’re watching rather than letting the child watch alone.

Final Thoughts

Screen time isn’t inherently “bad,” but the amount and context matter — especially in toddlers when language skills are developing quickly. Evidence suggests that more screen time is associated with smaller vocabularies and delayed speech milestones, likely because it replaces the very interactions that fuel early language growth.

Understanding this can help parents make informed choices about how and when screens are used, and support their child’s speech development at this critical age.

Many autistic adults don’t realise they’re autistic until later in life. Some reach their 30s, 40s or beyond before anyone ever uses the word — often after years of anxiety, burnout, or feeling like life is harder than it should be.

For many, the realisation comes after their child is diagnosed.

If you’ve ever thought, “This explains far too much”, you’re not alone.

Here are five common signs of undiagnosed autism in adults, particularly women and parents.

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1. You’ve Always Felt Different — But Couldn’t Explain Why

You may have coped well on the outside: school, work, relationships, parenting.
But internally, you’ve often felt out of step with the world.

You might describe it as:

• feeling like you’re “pretending” to be normal
• watching others socially and copying them
• feeling like you missed a rule everyone else got

This sense of difference often goes unnoticed because you appear capable — but capability doesn’t equal ease.

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2. Everyday Life Leaves You Exhausted

This isn’t normal tiredness.

It’s the kind of exhaustion that comes from:

• social interaction
• noise and sensory input
• constant decision-making
• emotional labour

You may need long periods alone to recover, feel overwhelmed by busy environments, or feel completely depleted after situations others seem to manage without effort.

Many undiagnosed autistic adults push through — until burnout hits.

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3. You Mask Automatically (Even Without Realising)

Masking means adapting your behaviour to fit in — often at a huge personal cost.

This can look like:

• rehearsing conversations in your head
• saying the “right” thing while feeling something else inside
• suppressing stimming, discomfort, or overwhelm
• smiling and coping in public, then crashing at home

Masking is a survival strategy, not a personality flaw — and it’s one of the main reasons autism is missed in adults.

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4. You’ve Been Treated for Anxiety or Depression for Years — But Something Never Fully Fits

Many autistic adults are diagnosed with:

• anxiety
• depression
• burnout
• chronic stress

Some also experience:

• autoimmune conditions
• chronic pain
• fibromyalgia
• migraines

These aren’t caused by autism — but years of masking, overwhelm, and unmet needs can take a serious toll on the body and mind.

When autism is missed, treatment often focuses on symptoms without addressing the root cause.

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5. Your Child’s Diagnosis Made Everything Click

This is one of the most common triggers for adult realisation.

You advocate for your child, learn about autism — and suddenly:

• their sensory needs feel familiar
• their social struggles mirror your own
• their coping strategies look like yours

Many parents only recognise their own autism after supporting their children.

This doesn’t mean you “caused” it.
It means neurodivergence often runs in families — and understanding it brings clarity, not blame.

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What If This Sounds Like You?

Being autistic doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means your brain processes the world differently.

A diagnosis — or even self-understanding — can:

• reduce self-blame
• explain lifelong patterns
• improve mental health
• help you set boundaries
• support your parenting and relationships

You don’t have to rush into labels.
You’re allowed to explore, reflect, and learn at your own pace.

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You’re Not Late — You’re Just Finally Being Heard

Many autistic adults weren’t missed because they didn’t struggle.
They were missed because they survived quietly.

If this post resonated with you, you’re not alone — and you’re not imagining it.

Understanding yourself is not indulgent.
It’s healing.

For more guidance on autism, PDA, SEND parenting, adult diagnosis, benefits, and rights, visit AskEllie.co.uk — created to help families and individuals navigate systems that were never built with neurodivergence in mind.

If you’re beginning this journey, you’re welcome here.

Many families are struggling in homes that simply don’t meet their needs — cramped spaces, unsafe layouts, no sensory-safe areas, or bathrooms and bedrooms that make daily life harder rather than easier.

What most people aren’t told is that there is funding available to change this.

If you or your child is disabled, you may be entitled to a Disabled Facilities Grant (DFG) — often up to £30,000 in England, and up to £36,000 in some areas, depending on your local authority.

This is not a loan.
And for many families, it’s life-changing.

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What Is a Disabled Facilities Grant?

A Disabled Facilities Grant is government-funded support provided through your local council to help make a home safe, accessible, and suitable for disability-related needs.

It exists to prevent:

• unsafe living conditions
• breakdown of care
• worsening mental health
• families being forced into unsuitable housing

The grant can apply to children or adults, and it is based on need, not just diagnosis.

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What Can the Funding Be Used For?

Depending on your situation, a DFG can be used for:

• Building a home extension (for example, an extra bedroom or living space)
• Creating a downstairs bathroom or wet room
• Adapting an existing bathroom or kitchen
• Installing ramps, widened doorways, or level access
• Creating safe sensory spaces or care areas
• Improving access to and from the home

The goal is simple: to make the home fit the person, not force the person to cope with an unsuitable home.

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Who Can Apply?

You may be eligible if:

• You are disabled, or
• You have a disabled child, and
• Your home is no longer suitable because of disability-related needs

You do not have to be a homeowner.

You can apply if you are:

• A homeowner
• A private tenant (with landlord permission)
• A council or housing association tenant

For children, the grant is not means-tested.
For adults, a means test may apply, but many people still qualify for full or partial funding.

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How Do You Apply?

The process usually looks like this:

1️⃣ Contact Your Local Council

Ask for the Disabled Facilities Grant or the Housing Adaptations Team.

2️⃣ Occupational Therapist (OT) Assessment

An OT will assess:

• your needs (or your child’s)
• how the home affects daily life
• what adaptations are required

This assessment is key — it forms the basis of the grant.

3️⃣ Evidence & Approval

The council will review:

• the OT recommendations
• medical or educational evidence
• whether the work is “reasonable and practicable”

Once approved, the council manages or approves the work.

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Common Myths (That Stop Families Applying)

“It’s only for wheelchair users.”
False. Many grants are awarded for sensory needs, supervision needs, anxiety, autism, and safety.

“We’ll be told to move instead.”
Councils should prioritise adapting a home where possible, especially for children.

“It’s too expensive — we won’t qualify.”
Funding limits exist precisely because adaptations are costly.

“It’s only for physical disabilities.”
Autism, learning disabilities, and complex SEND needs are valid grounds.

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Why This Matters for SEND Families

An unsuitable home can:

• increase meltdowns and distress
• worsen sleep and anxiety
• make education or care impossible
• place huge pressure on parents and carers

Housing is not separate from SEND — it’s part of it.

If your home environment is contributing to daily struggle, asking for support is not unreasonable. It’s exactly what this funding exists for.

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Key Takeaway

You are not asking for special treatment.
You are accessing support that already exists.

If your home no longer works for your family because of disability, you have the right to ask for it to be adapted.

(What parents often notice — and what to do next)

Many parents of autistic children notice patterns that don’t quite fit into the usual explanations of “behaviour” or “phases”.

Periods where regulation suddenly dips.
Sleep becomes difficult.
Digestive issues flare up.
Stimming increases or changes.

For some families, these shifts appear to happen alongside changes in gut health.

This doesn’t mean there is one cause, one diagnosis, or one solution — but it does highlight how closely connected the gut and brain can be, especially for neurodivergent children.

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The Gut–Brain Connection (In Simple Terms)

The gut and brain communicate constantly through what’s known as the gut–brain axis. This means digestion, bacteria balance, inflammation, and food tolerance can all influence:

• mood
• sleep
• sensory regulation
• emotional resilience

Autistic children are more likely to experience gastrointestinal issues than neurotypical peers, which is why many parents start noticing behavioural changes alongside digestive symptoms.

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Signs Parents Often Report Together

Parents sometimes notice a cluster of changes, rather than one isolated issue.

Behavioural & Regulation Changes

These may include:

• Increased stimming (especially vocal stims or high-pitched sounds)
• More jumping, spinning, crashing, or sensory seeking
• Irritability or meltdowns that feel sudden or unexplained
• Difficulty settling, especially at night
• Changes in sleep patterns or frequent waking

These behaviours are not “caused by yeast” — but they may reflect a body that is struggling to regulate.

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Digestive Signs Parents Mention

Alongside behaviour changes, parents often report:

• Constipation for several days followed by diarrhoea
• Bloating or excessive gas
• Stomach pain without clear explanation
• Very strong cravings for sugar or refined carbohydrates
• Feeling “off” after certain foods

Some parents also describe periods of unusual giddiness or hyper-excitability after eating certain foods, followed by fatigue or emotional crashes.

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Why This Can Be Confusing for Families

Many autistic children already rely on:

• safe foods
• routine eating patterns
• carbs or sugar for comfort and regulation

So when digestive issues appear, it can be hard to tell:

• what’s sensory
• what’s emotional
• what’s physical

This is why gut health should be seen as one piece of a bigger picture, not a single explanation.

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What Parents Can Do (Without Panic or Restriction)

It’s important not to self-diagnose or make drastic dietary changes without support. But there are gentle, sensible steps parents can consider.

Observe Patterns

• Keep a simple log of food, sleep, digestion, and behaviour
• Look for patterns over time, not one-off reactions

Reduce Pressure Around Food

• Avoid sudden restrictions
• Focus on adding supportive foods rather than removing everything
• Remember that eating is often about safety and regulation, not nutrition alone

Seek Professional Support

• Speak to your GP about digestive symptoms
• Ask for referral to a dietitian or paediatric specialist if needed
• Share both physical and behavioural observations — they matter together

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A Note on Yeast Overgrowth

Yeast overgrowth (such as Candida) is sometimes discussed in autism spaces. While it can occur, it cannot be diagnosed by behaviour alone.

Any concerns about yeast or gut imbalance should always be explored with a qualified professional. Behavioural changes alone are not proof of any specific condition.

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The Most Important Thing to Remember

Your child isn’t “acting out”.
Their body may be asking for support.

Behaviour, digestion, sleep, and regulation are deeply connected — especially for neurodivergent children. Trusting your observations, asking questions, and seeking appropriate support is not overreacting. It’s good parenting.

You don’t need all the answers — just permission to look at the whole child, not just the behaviour.

Many parents are told the same thing when they raise concerns about their child’s needs:

“School doesn’t think they need an EHCP.”
“Let’s wait and see.”
“They’re coping in class.”

What most families are not told is this:

👉 Schools do not have the final say.

Under Section 36 of the Children and Families Act 2014, parents (and young people over 16) have a legal right to request an Education, Health and Care (EHC) needs assessment directly from the Local Authority.

You do not need school permission.

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What Is Section 36?

Section 36 is the part of SEND law that gives parents the right to formally ask the Local Authority (LA) to assess their child’s special educational needs.

It exists so that children are not denied support simply because:

• a school disagrees
• a child is masking
• behaviour is misunderstood
• attendance is poor
• budgets are tight

If a child has or may have SEND, and those needs are impacting education, the LA must consider your request.

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You Do NOT Need School Approval

This is where many families get stuck.

You do not need:

• The school’s agreement
• A SENCo to apply for you
• A diagnosis
• Evidence that school has “tried everything”

Schools can provide evidence, but they do not decide whether an assessment happens.

That decision belongs to the Local Authority.

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What If School Says “They’re Fine Here”?

This is one of the most common barriers.

A child being “fine” in school does not mean they do not have SEND.

Many children:

• mask all day
• comply at the cost of mental health
• melt down at home
• become anxious, exhausted, or dysregulated

SEND law looks at need, not appearances.

Home behaviour, emotional distress, physical symptoms, and parental evidence all count.

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What Happens After You Request an Assessment?

Once the Local Authority receives your request, they have:

🗓 6 weeks to decide whether to assess.

If they agree:

• A full EHC needs assessment begins
• Professionals may be asked for reports
• Your child’s needs across education, health and care are considered

If they refuse:

• They must give reasons in writing
• You have the right to appeal to the SEND Tribunal

Refusal is not the end of the road.

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What If Your Child Isn’t in School?

This is crucial.

A child does not need to be attending school to request an EHCP assessment.

In fact, children who are out of school due to:

• anxiety
• EBSA
• unmet SEND
• trauma
• mental health needs

often need EHCP protection most.

Attendance does not cancel your legal rights.

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Why Parents Starting the Process Matters

Many families wait years because they’re told:

• “school doesn’t support it”
• “they’re too young”
• “they’ll grow out of it”
• “we’ll review next term”

Section 36 exists to stop children falling through the cracks.

If you know something isn’t right — trust that instinct.

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Key Takeaway

Schools do not have the final say.
Parents have the legal right to ask.

If your child is struggling and support isn’t in place, Section 36 gives you the power to act.

Right now, many parents are at breaking point.

Children are waking up with stomach aches, headaches, nausea, tears.
Mornings feel like panic. Nights are filled with dread.
And parents are being told to “just get them in” — even when their child is clearly unwell.

If this is your family, you are not imagining it.

When a child’s nervous system is stuck in fight, flight or freeze, the body often speaks before the child can. Stomach pain, headaches and exhaustion are not excuses — they are signs of distress.

And it’s true:
You do not legally have to force your child into a situation that is harming them.

But before anyone rushes into decisions out of desperation, there are some important things every parent needs to understand.

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Why so many children are physically unwell around school

For children experiencing EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance), school is not just “hard” — it feels unsafe.

Their bodies respond with:

• stomach aches and nausea
• headaches
• panic or freezing
• meltdowns or shutdowns
• refusal to leave the house

This is not laziness.
It’s not defiance.
And it’s not caused by parenting.

It’s a nervous system in survival mode.

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Home education: legal, valid — but not a quick fix

Home education is legal in England.
And for some families, it can be the right choice.

But it’s important to understand this clearly:

Deregistering your child from school is a permanent legal step.

Once you deregister:

• the school place is gone
• you cannot simply “try it” and return
• the Local Authority’s duties change
• access to support, provision and EHCP routes can become more complicated

This does not mean home education is wrong.

It means parents deserve full information, not pressure-driven decisions made during crisis.

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The choice is not: force school or deregister

This is the part many families are never told.

You do not have to choose between:

• forcing a distressed child into school
  or
• deregistering immediately

There are other legal options that should be explored first, including:

• EBSA-informed support pathways
• Reduced or flexible timetables
• Alternative provision
• Medical evidence routes
• Section 19 duties (education otherwise than at school)
• Holding a school place while a child stabilises

These options exist in law — even when schools fail to mention them.

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Panic decisions often come from exhaustion, not clarity

Many parents say:
“I can’t watch my child suffer anymore.”

That feeling is completely valid.

But permanent decisions made in survival mode can close doors parents didn’t even know existed.

You don’t need to decide everything today.
You don’t need to choose one path immediately.
You need support, information, and time.

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What matters most right now

If school has become a nightmare — that matters.
If your child is physically unwell — that matters.
If you are exhausted and overwhelmed — that matters.

But parents deserve:

• clear information
• legal clarity
• options explained without judgement

That is why AskEllie exists.

To help families pause, understand their rights, and make informed decisions — not rushed ones.

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Final thought

Listening to your child does not mean rushing into irreversible choices.
Protecting your child does not mean you’ve failed the system.

You are allowed to stop, breathe, and ask:
“What support should be in place before we make a permanent move?”

If you need help understanding your options, your rights, or what to ask for next — you don’t have to do this alone.