This is one of the hardest conversations a parent can have.
Because nobody wants to hear the words:
“my child hurt a teacher.”
And as a parent, I understand both sides.
Teachers deserve to feel safe.
Children deserve to feel safe.
Violence in schools should never be normalised.
But we also need to ask a difficult question:
Why are more and more primary school children reaching this point in the first place?
Because my son did these things too.
He threw chairs.
He ran from classrooms.
He lashed out after being restrained.
And what I know now is this:
Those moments did not come from nowhere.
What People See vs What’s Really Happening
Most people only see the explosion.
They see:
- the chair being thrown
- the shouting
- the aggression
- the teacher getting hurt
What they don’t see is everything building underneath it for months — sometimes years.
The anxiety.
The overwhelm.
The sensory overload.
The masking.
The panic.
The constant pressure to cope in an environment the child’s nervous system cannot manage.
For many neurodivergent children — especially autistic children, PDA children, ADHD children, or children carrying trauma — behaviour is often communication long before it becomes crisis.
But too often, the early warning signs are misunderstood.
Primary School Is Often Where It Starts
A lot of people assume primary school should be the “easy” years.
But actually, this is often where difficulties first become impossible to hide.
Because as children move through primary school:
- academic pressure increases
- social expectations rise
- sensory demands grow
- transitions become harder
- masking becomes exhausting
- demands become more constant
And for some children, their nervous system simply cannot sustain it anymore.
That’s when behaviour can become explosive.
Not because the child is evil.
Not because they want to hurt people.
But because they have reached survival mode.
PDA, Autism and the Threat Response
This is especially important when we talk about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance).
Many PDA children experience everyday demands as a genuine threat to their nervous system.
Things that seem small to others:
- instructions
- transitions
- pressure
- feeling trapped
- public correction
- restraint
- loss of control
can trigger panic responses.
And panic does not always look like fear.
Sometimes it looks like:
- aggression
- running
- shouting
- throwing
- fighting
That doesn’t make it acceptable.
But understanding WHY it happens matters.
Because punishment alone cannot regulate a nervous system in survival mode.
Teachers Are Carrying More Than Ever
This is not about blaming teachers.
In many cases, teachers are doing everything they can in an impossible system.
Classrooms today are managing:
- larger SEND needs
- rising anxiety
- limited funding
- staff shortages
- reduced specialist support
- increasing behavioural complexity
And mainstream schools are often being asked to support children with needs they were never properly resourced or trained to manage.
So when incidents happen, everyone suffers:
- the teacher
- the child
- the class
- the parents
- the school itself
Excluding Younger Children Is Becoming More Common
More conversations are now happening around whether primary-aged children should be permanently excluded for violence.
And honestly?
I understand why people feel strongly about safety.
But exclusion should also force us to ask:
What support was in place before it got to this point?
Because by the time a 7-year-old is throwing chairs across a classroom…
that child has usually been struggling for a very long time already.
Early Intervention Matters
This is why early intervention matters so much.
Not after crisis.
Before it.
Children need:
- understanding
- regulation support
- sensory support
- emotionally safe environments
- staff trained in neurodivergence
- flexibility
- trust-based relationships
Because when needs are recognised early enough, many crises can be reduced long before they become dangerous.
A Final Thought
Talking honestly about violent behaviour in schools is uncomfortable.
But avoiding the conversation helps nobody.
We can believe:
- teachers deserve safety
AND - children deserve understanding
at the same time.
Because children are not born wanting to hurt teachers.
And if more primary-aged children are reaching breaking point this early…
then we need to stop asking only:
“What’s wrong with this child?”
…and start asking:
“What happened to this child — and why was the support not there sooner?”
For more SEND support, autism guidance, EBSA information, and EHCP help, visit AskEllie.co.uk
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