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  • How to Defend a School Fine — and Win (2025 Guide for Parents)

    Every year, thousands of parents across England receive penalty notices for taking their child out of school — even when the absence was for reasons that genuinely support their child’s wellbeing.

    But here’s what most people don’t realise: a school fine isn’t a criminal offence by itself.
    It’s a civil penalty, and you have the right to challenge or defend it if it was issued unfairly, incorrectly, or without proper consideration of your child’s needs.

    This guide explains how to defend a term-time fine calmly, factually, and lawfully — so your case is taken seriously.

    ⚖️ 1. Understand What the Fine Actually Means

    A term-time penalty notice (usually £60 per parent, per child) is issued by your Local Authority (LA) under the Education (Penalty Notices) (England) Regulations 2007.

    You have 21 days to pay £60, or 28 days before it doubles to £120.
    After that, if it’s still unpaid, the LA can decide to prosecute under Section 444 of the Education Act 1996.

    However — and this is crucial — not all fines are lawful. If the school or LA failed to follow correct procedure, the fine can be challenged and even withdrawn.

    🧾 2. Check if the Fine Was Issued Correctly

    Before you pay or appeal, make sure the LA actually followed the rules.
    A penalty notice can be invalid if:

    • The school didn’t apply discretion or consider your individual circumstances.
    • The letter was sent after the legal timeframe (more than 28 days after the offence).
    • The fine was issued to both parents for the same child without proper notice.
    • You were not informed in writing that the absence was unauthorised before the fine was issued.

    If any of these apply, write to the LA’s Attendance or Education Welfare Team stating that the notice appears to have been issued contrary to Regulation 7 of the Pupil Registration Regulations 2006 and request a review.

    💬 3. Use Clear, Factual Wording in Your Response

    Your goal is to sound informed, not confrontational.
    Avoid emotional or defensive language. Instead, focus on facts, law, and procedure.

    Example wording:

    “I believe this penalty notice has been issued without individual consideration of circumstances, contrary to Regulation 7 of the Pupil Registration Regulations 2006.

    The absence related to exceptional wellbeing and family needs, which were communicated in advance. I request that this notice be reviewed and withdrawn on that basis.”

    If the fine relates to a SEND child or anxiety-based absence, add:

    “My child has an EHCP (or SEND diagnosis), and this absence was directly linked to unmet needs and wellbeing. Under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA retains a duty to provide suitable education and should not penalise parents where provision is failing.”

    📚 4. Gather and Submit Supporting Evidence

    Attach anything that shows you acted responsibly:

    • Your written holiday request (especially if worded around wellbeing or educational value)
    • Any emails showing communication with the school
    • Medical, therapist, or EHCP extracts showing how the break supports emotional regulation
    • Evidence of financial hardship or unavoidable work commitments if relevant

    The DfE guidance states fines should only be issued when “there is sufficient evidence and it is in the public interest to do so.”

    If your situation doesn’t meet that threshold — make that clear.

    🧩 5. What to Do If the LA Refuses Your Challenge

    If your appeal is rejected, you have two options:

    1. Pay the fine — this ends the matter but counts as acceptance of guilt.
    2. Refuse to pay — which may lead to court, where you can present your evidence.

    In court, the LA must prove that:

    • Your child failed to attend regularly, and
    • You had no reasonable justification for the absence.

    If your child’s absence was linked to wellbeing, SEND, mental health, or family circumstances, you can argue it was reasonable and justified.
    Many parents have successfully defended fines this way when they had written evidence to back it up.

    🛡 6. How to Build a Strong Defence

    A successful defence often includes:

    • Evidence of open communication with the school.
    • Proof of exceptional or unavoidable circumstances.
    • References to your child’s additional needs or EHCP.
    • Calm, factual presentation of your reasoning — not anger or emotion.

    If your child has SEND or anxiety, reference the Equality Act 2010, which protects against discrimination in education and attendance enforcement.

    📄 7. Free Template to Defend a School Fine

    We’ve created a free downloadable template you can use to challenge or defend a term-time fine — whether it’s at the appeal stage or in writing to the LA.

    It includes model wording for:

    • Procedural errors
    • Exceptional circumstances
    • SEND or wellbeing-based absences
    • Requests for review under Regulation 7

    Download it free at:
    👉 AskEllie.co.uk/resources/defend-school-fine

    💡 Final Thought

    Defending a fine isn’t about avoiding responsibility — it’s about demanding fairness.
    Schools and councils have a duty to treat each family individually, especially where SEND or wellbeing are involved.

    If you’ve acted responsibly, communicated openly, and can evidence your reasons, you have every right to challenge a fine that doesn’t reflect the law — and win.

    Education should be about partnership, not punishment.

  • Filling in a DLA Form: How to Describe Meltdowns So the DWP Takes Your Claim Seriously

    If you’re filling in a Disability Living Allowance (DLA) form, you’ll know how overwhelming it can feel.
    Many parents worry about “getting it wrong” — or worse, that being too honest might make them look like they can’t cope.
    But the truth is: you’re not trying to convince anyone or exaggerate anything. You’re trying to accurately describe what daily life is like for your child, in a way the DWP (Department for Work and Pensions) can understand.

    This free guide isn’t about gaming the system — it’s about helping you write clearly, truthfully, and confidently about your child’s real needs so that decision-makers can make a fair judgment.

    🧠 What the DWP Is Actually Looking For

    When the DWP reviews a DLA claim, they’re not looking for a diagnosis or medical label.
    They’re comparing your child to another child of the same age without disabilities and asking:

    “Does this child need significantly more care, supervision, or attention than other children their age?”

    That means your form should focus on:

    • How often your child needs help
    • What kind of help they need
    • How much extra time or supervision is required compared to a neurotypical child

    ⚡️ Why Meltdowns Matter

    For many children with autism, PDA, ADHD, or sensory processing differences, meltdowns are a major part of daily life.
    But if you just write “has meltdowns” or “gets upset,” the reviewer has no real sense of the intensity, frequency, or risk involved.

    To the DWP, vague phrases sound like “typical childhood behaviour.”
    So your goal is to paint a clear, factual picture that helps them understand what happens, how often, and what you have to do as a parent to manage it.

    📝 How to Describe Meltdowns Effectively

    Below are four practical steps to help you describe meltdowns clearly and truthfully on your DLA form.

    1. Be Specific and Detailed

    Describe exactly what happens during a meltdown — the behaviour, the duration, and what you have to do.
    Avoid emotional language like “it’s awful” or “it’s exhausting,” and focus instead on facts.

    Example:

    “When overwhelmed, my child screams, hits, throws objects, and may attempt to leave the house. I need to stay close and physically block exits to keep them safe. Meltdowns can last between 20 and 45 minutes.”

    This helps the reviewer picture the level of supervision and intensity involved.

    2. State How Often It Happens

    Frequency matters. The DWP needs to know how regular these events are to assess ongoing need.

    Example:

    “This happens most days, often triggered by noise, change of routine, or unexpected demands. There are usually 4–5 major meltdowns a week, with smaller incidents daily.”

    Even if it varies, give a clear estimate and note when it’s worse (e.g. mornings, after school, transitions).

    3. Explain What Recovery Looks Like

    Many parents forget this part, but recovery can be just as demanding as the meltdown itself.

    Example:

    “After a meltdown, my child needs complete quiet and dark for up to an hour. They are emotionally drained and cannot rejoin normal activity without support.”

    This shows ongoing care needs — not just crisis management.

    4. Describe the Supervision Required

    Supervision is one of the biggest indicators of additional need.
    Explain what you have to do before, during, and after meltdowns to keep your child safe.

    Example:

    “My child cannot be left unsupervised during or after a meltdown. I must stay within arm’s reach at all times to prevent harm to themselves or others.”

    This helps the DWP understand that your child’s needs go beyond typical reassurance or discipline.

    ⚖️ What to Avoid

    • Don’t soften the truth. Parents often understate behaviours out of fear of judgment. This can lead to the DWP misunderstanding the severity of need.
    • Avoid general terms like “struggles,” “gets upset,” or “needs help sometimes.” Instead, describe what help actually looks like.
    • Don’t worry about sounding negative. You’re not writing a character statement — you’re describing need.
    • Don’t assume professionals already know. The person reading your form has probably never met your child.

    💬 How to Stay Objective and Honest

    Try writing as if you’re explaining to a stranger who has never seen a meltdown before.
    Keep sentences factual, short, and focused on:

    • What happens
    • How long it lasts
    • How often it happens
    • What you do to help

    This isn’t about making your child sound “difficult” — it’s about showing the level of care and supervision you provide every day.

    🪶 Final Tip: Use Real-Life Examples

    If possible, describe a real situation that sums it up best.

    “Last week, after a change to his taxi driver, my child became overwhelmed, screamed for 30 minutes, and hit out when I tried to comfort him. He needed 45 minutes in a dark room before he could eat or speak.”

    One or two examples like this are powerful — they humanise the form without emotional exaggeration.

    📄 Free Support from AskEllie

    You shouldn’t have to pay for basic guidance on how to describe your child’s needs.
    We’ve put together a free downloadable example sheet that shows exactly how to word DLA answers for sections on:

    • Meltdowns and behaviour
    • Supervision and safety
    • Communication
    • Sleep and daily care

    You can get it here:
    👉 AskEllie.co.uk/resources/dla-meltdown-guide

    💜 Final Thought

    You don’t need to exaggerate or “get creative” to be heard — you just need to write clearly and truthfully about what life really looks like.
    The more precisely you describe your child’s meltdowns and support needs, the easier it is for the DWP to make a fair, informed decision.

    Your voice matters — and written clearly, it’s powerful.

  • How to Word a Term-Time Holiday Request So It Gets Approved (2025 Update)

    Every year, thousands of parents get hit with attendance fines — and most of them could have been avoided with one simple change: the way the request was worded.

    Schools don’t like to admit it, but the Education (Pupil Registration) Regulations 2006 give headteachers discretion to authorise absences in “exceptional circumstances.” The problem is, most requests are written in a way that leaves no room for discretion.

    The Mistake Most Parents Make

    Most parents simply write:

    “We’d like to request a family holiday during term time.”

    That’s the fastest way to get an automatic “unauthorised” response.
    To a headteacher, that reads as optional travel — not an exceptional reason.

    But if you understand how the system works, you can word it in a way that aligns with what the law actually allows.

    How to Frame It the Right Way

    Instead of focusing on where you’re going, explain why this time away supports your child’s development, wellbeing, or learning.

    For example:

    “This trip supports my child’s emotional wellbeing and family connection, which are essential to their personal development and learning. It also provides cultural and educational experiences that complement the curriculum.”

    If your child has SEND or an EHCP, you can go one step further:

    “This short break will support sensory regulation, emotional recovery, and family bonding — all linked to outcomes within my child’s EHCP.”

    This wording gives the headteacher a lawful, defensible reason to authorise the absence — especially where mental health, family stability, or regulated rest is a key factor.

    What Counts as “Exceptional Circumstances” in 2025?

    While there’s no fixed list, schools are advised to consider:

    • Family wellbeing or mental health recovery
    • Unavoidable work commitments or deployments
    • Educational value or cultural benefit
    • SEND-related regulation or therapeutic benefit

    In fact, recent DfE guidance acknowledges that “attendance policies should take account of pupils with complex needs, including those with anxiety, medical conditions or EHCPs.”

    How to Strengthen Your Request

    1. Keep it short, factual, and polite.
    2. Avoid words like holiday or trip — use family time or educational experience.
    3. Link it to wellbeing, family connection, or curriculum value.
    4. If relevant, attach EHCP extracts that mention emotional or sensory regulation.
    5. Submit the request in writing (keep a copy).

    When Fines Are Unfair

    If the headteacher refuses and you later receive a penalty notice, remember: fines are discretionary, not automatic.
    If your child has medical, SEND, or emotional needs, or if the LA has failed to provide suitable education, you can challenge the fine.

    We’ve created a free downloadable template you can use to word your request properly — or to appeal a fine that’s been unfairly issued.

    📄 Get it here: AskEllie.co.uk/resources/term-time-request-template

    Final Thought

    Parents shouldn’t have to choose between family time and fines.
    A few well-chosen words can make all the difference — not because you’re gaming the system, but because you’re helping schools see the bigger picture: that education is about more than attendance; it’s about growth, balance, and belonging.

  • The Best-Kept Secret When Safeguarding Fails: How the NSPCC Can Step In When No One Else Will

    If your SEND child has been mistreated, neglected, or put in an unsafe situation — and every agency you’ve turned to has closed ranks — you’re not alone.
    Parents tell us the same story every week: the school deflects, the local authority delays, and safeguarding meetings lead nowhere. Even when professionals raise the alarm, they’re often ignored or referred back to the same setting that caused the problem.

    So what do you do when no one listens?
    There is an answer — and it’s one that many families and professionals don’t realise they have access to.

    The NSPCC Whistleblowing Helpline

    The NSPCC isn’t just there for children — they also run a dedicated whistleblowing helpline for professionals and parents who believe safeguarding concerns are being mishandled or ignored by schools, local authorities, or other organisations.

    Unlike internal safeguarding teams, the NSPCC is independent.
    They can:

    • Escalate serious concerns to the Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO)
    • Investigate safeguarding failures within schools, academies, and specialist settings
    • Provide confidential advice to teachers, SENCOs, support workers, and parents
    • Ensure concerns don’t get buried under bureaucracy or politics

    When the NSPCC gets involved, things start to move.
    Schools and local authorities know they can’t simply brush it aside — because the NSPCC has real authority and the power to make sure proper action is taken.

    When Should You Call Them?

    You can contact the NSPCC whistleblowing helpline if:

    • You believe a child is at risk but your concerns aren’t being taken seriously.
    • You’ve reported a safeguarding issue and it’s gone nowhere.
    • You’re a teacher or staff member who’s witnessed unsafe practices or neglect.
    • You’ve been referred in circles between school, the LA, and safeguarding teams.

    You don’t need proof — just genuine concern and the courage to speak up.

    The Number That Can Open Doors

    📞 NSPCC Whistleblowing Helpline: 0800 028 0285
    (Available Monday–Friday, 8am–8pm)

    If you believe a child is in immediate danger, always call 999 first.
    But if you’ve been stonewalled by every other route, this line is your next step.

    Final Thought

    Safeguarding should never depend on who you know, how loud you shout, or how many meetings you’ve sat through. Every child has the right to be safe, and every parent or professional who speaks up deserves to be heard.

    The NSPCC remains one of the few agencies in the UK that still cuts through the noise and takes action.
    If you’re at breaking point and getting nowhere, make the call.
    It could be the turning point your child — or someone else’s — desperately needs.

    For more guidance on safeguarding, SEND rights, and how to challenge your local authority, visit AskEllie.co.uk.

  • Is Your Child Eating Non-Food Items? Understanding PICA and What to Do Next

    It’s not uncommon for toddlers to explore the world by putting things in their mouths. But what happens when your child continues to eat items that aren’t food — and it doesn’t stop? You might be dealing with something more than a phase. It could be PICA, a little-known condition that many parents aren’t told about.

    At AskEllie, we hear from parents every week who are worried about this very behaviour. If you’re one of them, you’re not alone — and you deserve answers.

    What Is PICA?
    PICA is a recognised eating disorder where a person regularly eats things that aren’t considered food. This might include:

    • Paper, cardboard, or tissues
    • Soil or sand
    • Chalk or paint flakes
    • Hair or string
    • Fabric or foam
    • Plastic or metal objects
    • Crayons, candles, or soap

    To be classed as PICA, this behaviour must persist for at least a month and not be developmentally appropriate (for example, not part of normal toddler teething behaviour).

    Who Is Affected by PICA?
    PICA can affect people of all ages, but it’s especially common in:

    • Children with SEND — including autism, ADHD, and learning disabilities
    • Children with sensory processing differences
    • Children with nutritional deficiencies, especially iron or zinc
    • Those experiencing chronic stress or trauma

    Why It Happens
    There’s no single cause for PICA. It might stem from:

    • A sensory need (seeking texture or pressure in the mouth)
    • Nutritional deficiencies (the body craving minerals it lacks)
    • Anxiety or trauma responses
    • Difficulty communicating needs, especially in non-verbal children
    • A habit that’s become reinforced by comfort or routine

    In many cases, children use these behaviours to self-regulate, especially if they are overwhelmed or anxious.

    When to Worry
    If your child is repeatedly eating non-food items, it’s time to take action — especially if:

    • It’s happening daily or weekly
    • They’re over the age of 2
    • There are safety concerns, such as choking, poisoning, or gut blockage
    • It’s interfering with their ability to eat regular meals
    • They seem unwell, have frequent stomach aches, or signs of malnutrition

    What Can You Do?

    ✅ Speak to your GP or paediatrician
    Ask for a referral to community paediatrics or a developmental team. If your child has other SEND needs, this may help fast-track support.

    ✅ Request a blood test
    Iron, zinc, and vitamin deficiencies can be both a cause and a result of PICA. A simple blood test can check for these.

    ✅ Mention PICA in your EHCP or SEND assessments
    If your child already has an EHCP or is undergoing assessment, make sure this behaviour is clearly documented. It may help access support at school or from health services.

    ✅ Avoid shaming
    PICA is not your child’s fault. Try to avoid negative reactions, and instead focus on safety and redirection.

    ✅ Track patterns
    Keep a record of what they’re eating, when it happens, and what might trigger it. This can help identify sensory, emotional, or environmental links.

    ✅ Child-proof the environment
    This isn’t always easy, but making high-risk objects harder to access can help reduce harm.

    ✅ Ask for specialist support
    This might include an occupational therapist (OT), feeding team, or clinical psychologist. Be persistent if services are slow to respond — your concerns are valid.

    Real-Life Example
    One mum told us:
    “My son was constantly chewing foam and plastic. Everyone thought he’d grow out of it, but I knew something wasn’t right. It took two years and five professionals to finally get the diagnosis. I wish someone had told me about PICA sooner.”

    Need Help Navigating the System?
    If you’re not being listened to by your GP, school, or local authority, AskEllie can help you understand your rights, write to professionals, and push for action.

    We’ve supported hundreds of families like yours — and we’re here to help you advocate for your child.

    👉 Visit AskEllie.co.uk

  • 4 Foods That Could Seriously Damage Your Child’s Health or Growth

    As parents, especially those navigating the world of special educational needs (SEND), we do everything we can to support our children’s development — emotionally, mentally, and physically. But what if some everyday foods are silently working against us?

    Whether your child is neurodivergent, struggles with sensory regulation, or you’re just trying to make better choices at home, here are 4 common foods or ingredients that could be doing more harm than good — especially when it comes to long-term health and development.

    1. Bright White Sweets & Imported Candies with Titanium Dioxide (E171)

    Titanium Dioxide is a whitening agent used in sweets, chewing gum, and even toothpaste to make products appear ultra-bright and appealing.
    It was banned in the EU in 2022 after studies raised concerns about genotoxicity — meaning it may damage DNA cells. However, the UK did not adopt this ban, and some imported products (especially from American-style sweet shops) may still contain it.

    🧠 Why it matters: Children — especially those with neurodivergent profiles — may be more vulnerable to chemical exposures. Additives like this are rarely tested for long-term impact on developing brains.

    🔍 Look out for:

    • American candy (e.g. sweets that look “too white”)
    • E171 on ingredients labels
    • Products not made or regulated in the UK or EU

    → EFSA summary on Titanium Dioxide safety concerns

    2. Bright Citrus Drinks with Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO)

    BVO is used in some drinks (especially older recipes from the US) to stop flavouring oils from separating. But the UK and EU have banned it over concerns about toxicity to the nervous system and thyroid. Despite this, some imported drinks still slip through due to loose regulation on novelty imports.

    🚨 Risk factors:

    • BVO can accumulate in the body
    • High doses linked to neurological issues
    • Kids’ smaller bodies = higher impact from smaller amounts

    💬 Check before buying: If you’re picking up brightly coloured or foreign-labelled drinks, scan the label for Brominated Vegetable Oil or its chemical equivalents.

    3. Processed “Vegetable Oil” in Kids’ Snacks & Meals

    “Vegetable oil” might sound harmless — but it’s often a blanket term for ultra-processed oils like rapeseed (canola), sunflower or corn oil, which are heated to high temperatures and used in everything from baked goods to crisps.

    🥴 Why it matters:

    • These oils oxidise when cooked at high temperatures, producing compounds that may contribute to inflammation
    • Inflammation can negatively impact mood, attention, energy and gut health — all of which are vital for a thriving child, especially one with ADHD or ASD

    💡 Tip: Choose products made with cold-pressed oils like olive oil, or simply reduce reliance on highly processed packaged snacks.

    4. Bread, Biscuits, and Cereals with Additives Banned Elsewhere

    Many mass-produced UK products still contain flour treatment agents, emulsifiers, and artificial colourings that are banned or restricted in other countries. Why? Because the UK hasn’t kept pace with EU or global regulations on some food safety policies post-Brexit.

    ⚠️ Common examples:

    • Bread with added whitening agents or “E” numbers
    • Imported cereals or biscuits
    • Treats made for visual appeal over nutrition

    🧠 Why it matters: The gut-brain connection is now widely accepted. What your child eats affects their mood, energy, behaviour and sensory tolerance. Minimising these additives can make a real difference, especially for autistic or highly sensitive children.

    What About Rapeseed Oil?

    Rapeseed oil itself isn’t inherently bad — in fact, cold-pressed rapeseed oil can be part of a healthy diet. But the problem lies in how it’s processed in many products. When heated repeatedly or used in fast food and shelf-stable snacks, it can degrade into oxidised fats that may harm gut and brain health over time.

    So the key is not panic — but awareness and moderation.

    Final Thoughts: Your Kitchen Can Be a Place of Healing

    This isn’t about fear. It’s about knowledge, choice, and doing the best we can — especially when we’ve got children who already face enough challenges.

    Small swaps like switching from white-label sweets to fruit snacks, checking labels on imported sodas, or using cold-pressed oils instead of processed ones can go a long way.

    ✨ Want a free checklist of the top 10 hidden additives, safer swaps, and a downloadable food label guide?
    👉 Visit AskEllie.co.uk and get your copy today.

    Because our kids deserve food that fuels their future — not one that holds them back.

  • 4 Hidden Dangers You Should Ban from Your Home Immediately

    When we think about creating a safe and healthy home for our families, we often focus on the obvious: cleaning products locked away, sharp corners padded, and stair gates securely fastened. But some of the most dangerous elements in our homes are the ones we rarely question. If you care about your family’s long-term health, sleep, and wellbeing, here are four things you should consider removing from your home right now:

    1. Microwave Popcorn Bags – The “Forever Chemical” Concern

    They may be convenient, but most microwave popcorn bags are lined with PFAS (Per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances), also known as “forever chemicals.” These compounds are used to make the bag grease-resistant, but they leach into your food when heated.

    Why it matters: PFAS have been linked to hormone disruption, thyroid issues, weakened immune response, and even certain cancers. They accumulate in the body over time, meaning even occasional exposure can have long-term consequences.

    Safer swap: Make your own popcorn using a stovetop pan or an air-popper with organic kernels.

    2. Scented Candles, Air Fresheners & Plug-Ins – A Hidden Chemical Cocktail

    While they might make your home smell lovely, most commercially available scented candles, plug-ins, and aerosol sprays release toxic chemicals like benzene, formaldehyde, and phthalates into the air.

    Why it matters: These chemicals are linked to respiratory issues, hormone disruption, and even developmental concerns in children. For families with asthma or sensory-sensitive children, they can trigger symptoms without you even realizing.

    Safer swap: Use essential oils in a diffuser, simmer natural herbs like rosemary and lemon peels on the stove, or open windows for natural ventilation.

    3. Bright, Cool-Toned LED Lights at Night – A Sleep Saboteur

    Blue light, commonly emitted by cool-toned LED bulbs, interferes with the body’s production of melatonin — the hormone responsible for sleep.

    Why it matters: Exposure to blue light at night tricks your brain into thinking it’s still daytime, delaying sleep and disrupting the natural circadian rhythm. Poor sleep is linked to everything from anxiety and irritability to obesity and immune system suppression.

    Safer swap: Switch to warm-toned, low-wattage bulbs in bedrooms and use lamps instead of overhead lights in the evening. Consider blue-light filters for screens too.

    4. Antibacterial Soaps & Sprays – Too Clean Can Be Harmful

    We all want clean hands, but antibacterial soaps and surface sprays often contain harsh chemicals like triclosan, a substance now banned in several countries due to its risks.

    Why it matters: Triclosan and similar chemicals can harm your skin’s microbiome, disrupt hormones, and contribute to antibiotic resistance. Plus, they’re unnecessary for everyday hygiene.

    Safer swap: Use regular soap and warm water. For surfaces, choose natural cleaners with vinegar, lemon, or plant-based ingredients.

    Final Thoughts:

    You don’t need to overhaul your entire home in a day, but small changes like these can significantly reduce your family’s exposure to harmful substances. Awareness is the first step, and safer alternatives are often simpler than we think.

    Your home should be your family’s safest place. Let’s keep it that way.

    Need help navigating healthy choices for your neurodiverse family? We write about this (and more) at AskEllie.co.uk — come by and see us.

  • Why Your Child Argues More With You Than Anyone Else: It Might Not Be What You Think

    Why Your Child Argues More With You Than Anyone Else: It Might Not Be What You Think

    If your child saves all their anger, frustration, and backchat for you — you’re not alone. Many parents describe their child as being polite, calm, and cooperative with teachers and friends… but the second they walk through the front door, it’s as if a switch flips. Arguments begin, rules are resisted, and meltdowns erupt over the smallest of things.

    This can be heartbreaking. But here’s the truth:

    Children often release around the person they feel safest with.

    They’ve held it together all day. They’ve masked their discomfort, anxiety, sensory overwhelm, or social fatigue — and when they finally get to you, the one person who accepts them unconditionally, they let it out. Because they can.

    So no, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It often means you’re doing something right. You’ve created a safe space where your child doesn’t have to pretend.

    When It’s More Than Just Letting Off Steam

    While this kind of release is natural, it’s important to be aware of when it might point to something more complex. If your child consistently:

    • Explodes at home but is calm in other settings
    • Becomes highly distressed by everyday requests (like getting dressed or brushing teeth)
    • Appears controlling, avoidant, or has big emotional swings
    • Is socially able but struggles to follow demands from trusted adults

    … then it might be worth looking into whether a deeper need is going unmet.

    Conditions like Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) — a profile within the autism spectrum — often go unnoticed because children appear fine to others. But at home, the mask comes off. Children with PDA can seem oppositional, but they are usually overwhelmed by anxiety and a need to control their environment.

    What Can You Do as a Parent?

    • Don’t take it personally. Their behaviour is communication. They’re showing you where they feel safest — and most overwhelmed.
    • Track patterns. Look for triggers and identify when these episodes happen (e.g., after school, during transitions, around bedtime).
    • Consider seeking professional advice. If your child’s behaviour is significantly impacting daily life, speak to a GP, SENDCo, or explore a neurodevelopmental referral.
    • Build co-regulation strategies. These are things you can do together to calm down — such as going for a walk, having quiet time, or even using humour to break tension.
    • Get support. You are not alone, and you don’t have to figure this out by yourself. There’s a whole community out here who get it.

    Final Thought

    Your child doesn’t behave like this because they don’t love you.
    They behave like this because they trust you.

    And that’s powerful — even if it doesn’t feel like it at 7:30 on a school night when someone’s shouting about the wrong colour plate.

    We’ve written this blog to help you feel less alone and more informed.

    For more like this, visit AskEllie.co.uk

    🧡 You’ve got this.

  • Why SEND Children Are Drawn to Roblox (And How to Support Healthy Play)

    Introduction Roblox has become a go-to platform for many children, especially those with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND). While it may look like just another game to some, Roblox can serve a much deeper purpose in the lives of SEND children. It offers creativity, control, social connection, and even a sense of safety. But it can also come with challenges. In this blog post, we explore both the light and dark sides of Roblox and how parents can support healthy, meaningful engagement.

    Why SEND Children Are Drawn to Roblox SEND children often experience the world in heightened ways. School, social situations, and even home life can be unpredictable and overwhelming. Roblox offers a safe space they can control. Here’s why it appeals:

    1. Creative Freedom: Many SEND children, especially those with autism or PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), feel safe when they have autonomy. Roblox allows them to build their own worlds, make their own rules, and express their interests without adult-imposed structure.
    2. Predictability and Routine: Unlike real-life situations, Roblox worlds follow predictable rules. This makes them less anxiety-inducing for children who struggle with change or surprise.
    3. Social Interaction on Their Terms: For children who find face-to-face interaction difficult, Roblox can be a lifeline. They can make friends, chat, or simply watch others play, all on their own terms and in a less threatening format.
    4. Instant Feedback and Rewards: The game provides instant responses and achievements, which can be extremely motivating for children who struggle with low self-esteem or find traditional learning environments discouraging.

    When Things Go Wrong: Dysregulation, Obsession & Meltdowns While Roblox can provide a lot of benefits, there is a darker side that can emerge, particularly for SEND children who are already struggling to regulate.

    • Meltdowns When It Crashes or Lags: Because so much of their regulation and emotional safety is tied to the game, even a tech glitch can feel catastrophic.
    • Struggles with Losing: Children with demand avoidance or low emotional regulation may find it extremely difficult to cope with in-game failure, rejection, or competition.
    • Breaking the iPad or Device: When dysregulated, some children may throw or damage their devices. This isn’t because they don’t care — it’s often an expression of emotional overload.

    How to Support Healthy Screen Time with Roblox Here are some tips for managing Roblox use in a way that supports your child:

    1. Co-Play Occasionally: Sit with them while they play. Ask them to show you what they’re building or which games they love. This builds connection and helps you understand what Roblox means to them.
    2. Use a Timer or Gentle Transition Tools: Give warnings before it’s time to log off and offer a calming activity afterward. Abruptly stopping play can cause dysregulation.
    3. Validate Their Feelings: If they lose a game or get frustrated, don’t dismiss it. Try saying, “I get that was really upsetting. Want to talk about it or take a break together?”
    4. Create Boundaries Together: Instead of enforcing strict screen time rules, involve them in making a plan. This gives them some control and makes boundaries feel less like punishments.

    Final Thoughts Roblox isn’t just a game for many SEND children — it’s a sanctuary, a social space, and a creative outlet. With the right support and understanding, it can be part of a healthy routine. Just like any tool, it depends on how it’s used. Listen to your child, join them in their world sometimes, and use Roblox as a bridge to connection, not a barrier.

    New Post Now Live: Read our tips on handling screen time at www.askellie.co.uk.

  • ❌ Refused a Specialist School Placement? Here’s What To Do Next.

    When your child has additional needs that simply cannot be met in a mainstream school, hearing that your request for a specialist placement has been refused can feel like the rug has been pulled from beneath you.

    You’re not alone. This happens to hundreds of families—and in many cases, that refusal is unlawful.

    Let’s break it down step by step.

    🧠 Why Specialist Placements Get Refused

    Local Authorities (LAs) often claim:

    • “The mainstream school can meet needs.”
    • “The specialist school is full.”
    • “It’s too expensive.”

    But here’s the truth: the law does not allow a refusal just because of cost or convenience.

    📜 The Legal Bit: Education Act 1996 & Section F

    Under Section 39 of the Children and Families Act 2014, your Local Authority must name your preferred school unless:

    1. It would be unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude, or SEN of your child, or
    2. It would be incompatible with the efficient education of others or the efficient use of resources.

    That bar is high. The LA must show evidence—not just make vague claims.

    And don’t forget:
    🧾 Section F of your child’s EHCP (Education, Health, and Care Plan) is legally binding. It sets out what provision your child must receive.

    If a mainstream school can’t meet what’s in Section F, then it’s not a lawful placement.

    🚨 What You Can Do If a Specialist Placement is Refused

    1. Appeal to SENDIST (Tribunal)
    You have the right to appeal the named school or setting. You can do this yourself—you don’t need a solicitor.

    2. Request Mediation (Optional)
    You’ll need a mediation certificate to proceed with an appeal. You don’t have to attend mediation, but you can if you think it may help.

    3. Gather Evidence
    Show that:

    • The current school cannot meet Section F.
    • Your child has not progressed or is emotionally distressed.
    • The specialist school has confirmed they can meet need.

    4. Use the Right Wording
    It’s not about what you want—it’s about what your child needs to receive a suitable education.

    💬 A Real Example

    We recently spoke to a parent whose son was out of school for over 6 months. The LA refused a specialist place citing cost, but the child’s EHCP required “high-level therapeutic input in a low-stimulation environment”—something the mainstream school simply didn’t offer. They appealed and won.

    ✊ You’re Not Being Difficult. You’re Advocating.

    It’s exhausting. Confusing. And unfair.

    But your child has a legal right to a suitable education.

    At AskEllie, we’ve walked this road ourselves—and we’ve created free tools to help.

    🧠 Try Ellie now – your AI-powered legal assistant for SEND law
    📄 Find step-by-step guides, example letters, and help navigating appeals

    📌 Key Takeaway

    ❗ A refusal of a specialist placement doesn’t mean the end of the road—it’s just the beginning of your legal challenge.

    Don’t be afraid to stand firm. Know the law. And don’t give up.