For many families, the idea of requesting time off school during term time can feel stressful — especially when schools are focused on attendance and fines.
But for parents of children experiencing anxiety, EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance), or other mental health challenges, time away from school is sometimes not about a “holiday” at all.
It’s about protecting a child’s wellbeing.
How you communicate this to the school can make a significant difference.
Why Wording Matters
Schools are under pressure to manage attendance and may view term-time absence requests as unauthorised holidays unless there is a clear reason.
If a request is framed simply as a “holiday”, it is far more likely to be refused.
However, if it is explained in the context of mental health, SEND needs, or wellbeing, it creates a very different picture.
The key is to ensure the request reflects the reality of your child’s situation.
1. Avoid the Word “Holiday”
This is one of the most important points.
Instead of saying:
“We would like to take a holiday during term time…”
Consider wording it like:
“We are requesting a short period of absence due to our child’s current mental health needs.”
This immediately shifts the focus from leisure to wellbeing.
2. Clearly Explain What Your Child Is Experiencing
Schools need to understand that this is not simply a preference — it is something affecting your child’s ability to cope.
You might include:
- increased anxiety around school
- distress before or during attendance
- physical symptoms (such as headaches, nausea, or fatigue)
- difficulty engaging with learning
For example:
“Our child is currently experiencing significant anxiety related to school, which is impacting both their emotional wellbeing and ability to attend or engage consistently.”
3. Link the Request to Support and Recovery
It can help to explain why the time away is needed and what you hope it will achieve.
For example:
“We believe that a short period of reduced pressure will help support their emotional regulation and allow them to return to learning in a more stable and manageable way.”
This shows that the request is purposeful, not avoidant.
4. Reference SEND Needs Where Relevant
If your child has Special Educational Needs or Disabilities, this should always be included.
This might include:
- Autism (ASD)
- ADHD
- PDA profile
- an EHCP
For example:
“Our child has recognised SEND needs, including [insert], which significantly impact their ability to manage school demands when anxiety levels are high.”
This helps schools understand that the situation is not isolated — it is part of a broader profile of needs.
5. Keep the Tone Calm and Factual
It is completely understandable to feel frustrated, especially if your child has been struggling for some time.
However, when writing to the school, it is best to keep the tone:
- calm
- clear
- focused on your child
Avoid becoming defensive or confrontational.
The goal is to create a written record that shows:
- your child is struggling
- you are acting in their best interests
- the request is reasonable and considered
6. Understand the Limits of Approval
It is important to be aware that schools are not always able to authorise term-time absences, even where there are genuine concerns.
However, that does not mean your concerns are not valid.
If your child is unable to attend school due to mental health or SEND needs, this may point to a need for:
- additional support
- SEN assessment
- adjustments to provision
- or involvement from the local authority
7. When the Issue Is More Than Short-Term
If your child is persistently unable to attend school due to anxiety or mental health, it may go beyond a simple absence request.
In these situations, parents may need to explore:
- EBSA support strategies
- EHCP assessments or reviews
- Local authority duties under Section 19 of the Education Act (for alternative education where a child cannot attend school)
This is where the focus shifts from attendance to access to suitable education.
Example Wording You Can Use
Here is a simple example you can adapt:
“We are writing to request a short period of absence for our child due to ongoing mental health difficulties.
They are currently experiencing significant anxiety related to school, which is affecting both their wellbeing and ability to engage with learning.
We believe that a short period of reduced pressure will help support their emotional regulation and enable a more successful return to education.
We will continue to work with the school to support their needs moving forward.”
Final Thought
For many SEND families, decisions like this are never taken lightly.
They are made in response to a child who is struggling.
While attendance is important, so is mental health, safety, and long-term wellbeing.
Framing your request clearly and thoughtfully helps ensure that your child’s needs are understood — even if the system does not always respond as you hope.
If you need help wording letters, understanding your rights, or navigating school challenges, AskEllie is here to support families every step of the way.
You’re always welcome to come by and see us.
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