Right now, many parents are at breaking point.
Children are waking up with stomach aches, headaches, nausea, tears.
Mornings feel like panic. Nights are filled with dread.
And parents are being told to “just get them in” — even when their child is clearly unwell.
If this is your family, you are not imagining it.
When a child’s nervous system is stuck in fight, flight or freeze, the body often speaks before the child can. Stomach pain, headaches and exhaustion are not excuses — they are signs of distress.
And it’s true:
You do not legally have to force your child into a situation that is harming them.
But before anyone rushes into decisions out of desperation, there are some important things every parent needs to understand.
Why so many children are physically unwell around school
For children experiencing EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance), school is not just “hard” — it feels unsafe.
Their bodies respond with:
- stomach aches and nausea
- headaches
- panic or freezing
- meltdowns or shutdowns
- refusal to leave the house
This is not laziness.
It’s not defiance.
And it’s not caused by parenting.
It’s a nervous system in survival mode.
Home education: legal, valid — but not a quick fix
Home education is legal in England.
And for some families, it can be the right choice.
But it’s important to understand this clearly:
Deregistering your child from school is a permanent legal step.
Once you deregister:
- the school place is gone
- you cannot simply “try it” and return
- the Local Authority’s duties change
- access to support, provision and EHCP routes can become more complicated
This does not mean home education is wrong.
It means parents deserve full information, not pressure-driven decisions made during crisis.
The choice is not: force school or deregister
This is the part many families are never told.
You do not have to choose between:
- forcing a distressed child into school
or - deregistering immediately
There are other legal options that should be explored first, including:
- EBSA-informed support pathways
- Reduced or flexible timetables
- Alternative provision
- Medical evidence routes
- Section 19 duties (education otherwise than at school)
- Holding a school place while a child stabilises
These options exist in law — even when schools fail to mention them.
Panic decisions often come from exhaustion, not clarity
Many parents say:
“I can’t watch my child suffer anymore.”
That feeling is completely valid.
But permanent decisions made in survival mode can close doors parents didn’t even know existed.
You don’t need to decide everything today.
You don’t need to choose one path immediately.
You need support, information, and time.
What matters most right now
If school has become a nightmare — that matters.
If your child is physically unwell — that matters.
If you are exhausted and overwhelmed — that matters.
But parents deserve:
- clear information
- legal clarity
- options explained without judgement
That is why AskEllie exists.
To help families pause, understand their rights, and make informed decisions — not rushed ones.
Final thought
Listening to your child does not mean rushing into irreversible choices.
Protecting your child does not mean you’ve failed the system.
You are allowed to stop, breathe, and ask:
“What support should be in place before we make a permanent move?”
If you need help understanding your options, your rights, or what to ask for next — you don’t have to do this alone.
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