And why it stops so many families getting the support they’re entitled to

When it comes to applying for PIP (Personal Independence Payment) or DLA (Disability Living Allowance), most people think the hardest part is the size of the form. Or the wording. Or trying to guess what the DWP wants to hear.

But that’s not actually the biggest problem.

The number one mistake — the thing that leads to refusals, under-awards, endless appeals and months of stress — is this:

People write about good days and not real days.

Not because they’re lying.
Not because they’re trying to make things look better.
But because parents, carers and disabled adults get used to coping. They get used to masking. They get used to downplaying how difficult things truly are.

And forms don’t award based on how much you love your child or how well you manage despite everything.
They award based on need.
Need that must be described exactly as it is — not softened, not minimised, not polished.

---

Why the “good day story” ruins claims

Most people answering the form describe their child — or themselves — on their best days:

• the day they managed a full meal
• the day they walked without falling
• the day they masked well enough to get through school
• the day they didn’t melt down
• the day the routine went smoothly

But the DWP doesn’t assess the good day.

Legally, they must assess whether the difficulty or condition affects the person more than 50% of the time.

So when people focus on the moments of success instead of the everyday reality, the DWP will assume:

• no supervision is needed
• no prompting is required
• mobility is unaffected
• sensory or behavioural needs are minor
• emotional regulation is manageable
• risk or vulnerability is low

And once it’s written on the form, it becomes the official record.

---

Your REAL day is your evidence

A real day includes:

• the meltdowns
• the shutdowns
• the refusals
• the sensory overwhelm
• the panic attacks
• the night wakings
• the self-care struggles
• the danger awareness issues
• the running off
• the constant prompting
• the supervision needed for safety
• the unpredictability
• the exhaustion
• the noise sensitivity
• the refusal to eat
• the inability to manage transitions
• the anxiety triggers
• the emotional dysregulation
• the executive function breakdowns
• the masking and the crash afterwards

These are not failures.
These are factual experiences — the exact information the DWP needs to see.

---

The other huge mistake: Not explaining the why

It’s not enough to say:

• “He can’t dress himself.”
• “She refuses to eat.”
• “They won’t walk far.”
• “They can’t be left alone.”

You have to explain:

• why they can’t do it
• what happens when they try
• what you must do instead
• how long it takes
• what the emotional or physical consequences are
• whether it varies day to day
• how often it truly happens

The DWP awards based on frequency, severity, risk, and human effort required.

The more detail, the clearer the picture.

---

If you want the right award, you must write the hard truth

Not the version you tell friends.
Not the version you use to get through the day.
Not the “we’re fine, really” version.

The truth of what it’s like to keep your child safe, fed, clean, calm, regulated, and emotionally stable.
Or your own reality if you are applying for yourself.

Because PIP and DLA aren’t kindness.
They’re legal entitlements for people whose lives are affected by disability in ways others never see.

---

Important: this is exactly why so many deserving families get turned down

Not because they don’t qualify.
But because they minimise.
They cope.
They survive.
They “make do”.

And they forget that “making do” takes extraordinary effort — effort that the DWP needs to be told about in order to award correctly.

---

Need help writing your form?

We now offer a private, one-to-one written support service for parents who want help understanding their rights, wording documents, or knowing how to express needs properly.

All income from this service goes directly toward building the AskEllie app, so we can support thousands more families in a faster, more accessible way.

If you want more information, just use the Contact Us form on AskEllie.co.uk — we’ll send details straight to your inbox.

And remember:
You’re not asking for charity.
You’re asking for the support the law says you’re entitled to.