Many adults don’t discover they’re neurodivergent because of their own struggles —
they discover it through their children.
A child is diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or AuDHD…
and suddenly, pieces of your own life start to make sense.
This is especially common for adults who grew up in a time when neurodiversity wasn’t well understood, and support was limited to those who were visibly struggling.
Instead of being supported, many learned to mask.
What Is Masking?
Masking is the unconscious act of suppressing natural traits in order to fit in, stay safe, or avoid negative attention.
It’s not lying.
It’s not manipulation.
It’s a survival response.
Many children who mask are praised — not because they’re coping well, but because they’re quiet, compliant, or easy.
Over time, masking can become so ingrained that people don’t realise they’re doing it.
Signs You May Have Grown Up Masking
1. You Were the “Good” or “Easy” Child
You didn’t cause trouble.
You didn’t ask for help.
You were praised for being mature, polite, or well-behaved.
But inside, you may have felt anxious, overwhelmed, or constantly on edge.
You learned early that staying small kept you safe.
2. You Copied Others to Fit In
You mirrored how people spoke, laughed, dressed, or reacted.
Social interaction felt like following a script rather than being natural.
This isn’t being fake — it’s learning how to survive socially without guidance.
3. You Held It Together in Public, Then Fell Apart at Home
School, work, or social settings took everything you had.
At home, the mask dropped.
This may have shown up as:
- Meltdowns
- Shutdowns
- Exhaustion
- Irritability
- Emotional overwhelm
Home was the only place your nervous system felt safe enough to release.
4. You Were Labelled With Anxiety or Depression — But It Never Fully Fit
Many masked neurodivergent adults are diagnosed with anxiety or depression, sometimes repeatedly.
While these conditions can exist alongside neurodivergence, they often don’t explain:
- sensory overwhelm
- social exhaustion
- chronic burnout
- feeling “different” without knowing why
The issue wasn’t weakness — it was an overloaded nervous system.
5. You Struggle to Know What You Want or Need
If you spent childhood prioritising others’ comfort, you may now find it hard to:
- recognise your own needs
- make decisions confidently
- say no without guilt
You became excellent at reading others — but disconnected from yourself.
Why Many Adults Are Diagnosed Late
Late diagnosis doesn’t mean the signs weren’t there.
It often means you adapted too well.
Girls, women, and quiet children are especially likely to be missed — particularly those who masked through compliance, people-pleasing, or perfectionism.
Many adults only begin to question this when:
- their child is diagnosed
- they reach burnout
- parenting becomes overwhelming
- life demands exceed their coping capacity
You Weren’t Broken — You Adapted
If this resonates, it’s important to know:
You weren’t difficult.
You weren’t dramatic.
You weren’t failing.
You adapted in a world that didn’t understand neurodiversity.
Understanding masking can be the first step toward self-compassion, appropriate support, and healing long-term burnout.
You don’t need to prove your experience.
And you don’t need to keep masking to be worthy of support.
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