When parents sit down to complete a Disability Living Allowance (DLA) form, most are trying to do the right thing.
They don’t want to exaggerate.
They don’t want to sound negative.
They don’t want to feel like they’re “failing.”
So they write something that feels honest… and even a bit positive:
👉 “We manage.”
Why “We Manage” Can Be a Problem
It sounds harmless.
But to a DLA decision maker, it sends a very different message:
👉 No additional support needed.
And that’s where things quietly go wrong.
What DLA Is Actually Assessing
DLA isn’t based on how well you cope.
It’s based on:
- The level of care your child needs
- The supervision required
- The support needed throughout the day (and sometimes night)
So when you say:
👉 “We manage meals”
👉 “We manage routines”
👉 “We manage behaviour”
What isn’t being seen is:
- The constant prompting
- The supervision
- The emotional support
- The time and energy it takes
The Hidden Reality
For many families, “managing” looks like:
- Preparing separate meals
- Repeating instructions multiple times
- Staying close to prevent risk or distress
- Constantly adjusting the environment
- Anticipating and preventing meltdowns
But none of that is obvious from the word “manage.”
What You Should Be Showing Instead
Instead of focusing on how well you cope…
👉 Focus on what it takes for you to cope.
Example:
❌ “We manage meals.”
✅ “My child requires ongoing prompting, supervision, and support at mealtimes due to restricted eating and anxiety around food. Without this, they would struggle to eat adequately.”
Why This Matters
Small wording differences can have a big impact.
If the level of care isn’t clearly explained:
👉 The decision maker can’t properly understand your child’s needs
And that can affect:
- The outcome of your claim
- The level of support awarded
Why Parents Struggle With This
This is one of the hardest parts of the DLA form.
Because writing it down means:
👉 Acknowledging how much you’re doing
👉 Being honest about how hard things can be
👉 Letting go of the “we just get on with it” mindset
And that doesn’t come naturally to most parents.
A Different Way to Think About It
You’re not exaggerating.
You’re not complaining.
You’re not failing.
👉 You’re making sure your child’s needs are properly understood.
How AskEllie Can Help
This is something we help parents with every day.
We support you to:
- Turn your real-life experience into clear, structured wording
- Explain your child’s needs in a way decision makers understand
- Avoid the common mistakes that lead to under-awarding
👉 You can find support through our Stan Store
👉 Or come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk
Final Thought
If you take one thing from this, let it be this:
👉 DLA isn’t about showing you’re coping
👉 It’s about showing what it takes for you to cope
And that’s a completely different story.
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