Category: Uncategorized

No one really prepares you for the meltdowns.
The screaming.
The hitting.
The shutting down.
The guilt that follows.
The shame no one talks about.

And the truth is—it’s not just your child that’s impacted.
It’s everyone in the house.

We hear this every day at AskEllie:

“I love my child so much, but their meltdowns are tearing our family apart.”
“My other kids are walking on eggshells.”
“We’re constantly split between managing explosions and trying to give everyone else attention.”

If that’s you—you’re not failing. You’re surviving.

Let’s talk about what helps.

---

💥 First: What Is a Meltdown?

Meltdowns are not tantrums. They’re not “naughty” behaviour.
They’re nervous system overloads—your child’s way of saying “I’ve hit my limit.”
Too much noise. Too many demands. Too many transitions. Not enough support.
The meltdown is the explosion after the warning signs were missed.

---

🧩 Managing Meltdowns (Before, During, and After)

1. Spot the early signs:
Every child has a “rumble stage.” That might look like pacing, covering ears, silly behaviour, or zoning out. Learn your child’s cues—and intervene early if you can.

2. Lower the demands:
When they’re escalating, this is not the time for “one more thing.” Drop your expectations. Strip things back.

3. Create a safe exit:
A quiet space, a favourite item, or permission to leave the room can help your child feel some control again.

4. Stay calm (even if you’re not):
You don’t have to fix the meltdown. Just be there. Be a calm presence. Your child needs you to be the anchor when they feel lost at sea.

5. Repair after rupture:
When it’s over, talk gently. “You were really overwhelmed. That’s okay. I’m here.” Let them know they’re still loved—even when they lose it.

---

💔 And What About Everyone Else?

This is where it gets hard.
Because while you’re managing meltdowns, your other children are trying to do homework, or eat dinner, or just be heard. And your partner? Probably just as tired as you.

Things that can help:

• Divide and conquer: One parent with the child in meltdown, one with siblings.
• Give siblings a role (when safe): “Can you help me find the calming toy?” Sometimes helping eases their own anxiety.
• Family resets: After a hard moment, do something simple together—watch a film, have a cuddle, go for a walk. Remind everyone you’re still a team.
• Get outside help: If it’s affecting everyone, ask for respite, therapy, or support from school. You do not have to carry this alone.

---

🧠 You Can’t Fix This by Burning Yourself Out

You’re allowed to feel angry.
You’re allowed to cry in the bathroom.
You’re allowed to say, “This is too much.”

But please also know: You are doing something incredible.
You are loving a child through the hardest moments of their life—and trying to hold your family together in the process.

And that’s nothing short of heroic.

---

At AskEllie, we hear the pain behind the meltdowns.
And we know how isolating it is when no one else sees the chaos at home.

We see you. We’ve been you.
And we’re here to help.

Get guidance, emotional support, and legal help around EHCPs, home education, exclusions and more at AskEllie.co.uk — come by and see us.

You’re doing better than you think. And you’re not alone.

Posted by AskEllie.co.uk

If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling through a Facebook SEND group at 1am, coffee in one hand and your sanity in the other, you’re not alone. In fact, some of the most honest, relatable, and heartbreaking moments in the SEND world are shared in those late-night comments. This week, we’ve pulled together the real questions parents are asking right now – because we believe that even just knowing someone else gets it can make the world feel a little less heavy.

---

1. “Does anyone else’s autistic child never want to leave the house… ever?”

This is such a common post it should probably come with its own auto-reply. Whether it’s the safety of their bedroom, the joy of Roblox, or just avoiding the sensory horror of the outside world, many children with SEND find peace in staying in. But it doesn’t make it easy for parents — especially those with other kids who need to get out and run wild. The juggle is real, and there’s no magic solution. But it’s okay to admit that it’s hard. Because it is.

---

2. “What do you do when your kid is perfectly ‘fine’ at school, but completely melts down at home?”

This one hits deep. The ‘masking’ conversation is gaining ground — but many parents are still gaslit with lines like “They’re doing great in class!” or “We’ve never seen that behaviour here.” Meanwhile, you’re scraping your child off the kitchen floor in pieces. If you’ve felt that disconnect, we see you. And so do thousands of other parents.

---

3. “Is it normal to feel like I’m grieving the parent I thought I’d be?”

Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. You are not weak. You are not failing. You are human. The truth is, SEND parenting often means throwing the rule book out the window and rewriting life with a pen that keeps running out of ink. Mourning the version of parenting you imagined is part of the process — and it doesn’t mean you love your child any less. It just means the road is different. And sometimes, it’s okay to pull over and cry about it.

---

4. “How do I get my child reassessed when I know the last report wasn’t right?”

Parents are pushing back more and more — and rightly so. Whether it’s being handed an inconclusive ADHD report or watching your child get misjudged because they had a ‘good day’ during assessment, these stories are everywhere. Keep records. Keep pushing. You are the expert in your child. Even when the system tells you otherwise.

---

5. “How do you cope with two completely different needs at once?”

Shoutout to the parents navigating both neurodivergent and neurotypical children. The emotional tightrope walk is exhausting. One child needs calm, the other needs chaos. One wants silence, the other is beatboxing through breakfast. You can’t split yourself in two — so stop expecting yourself to. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.

---

You’re Not Alone – You’re Amongst Legends

We believe in humour as a pressure valve. That’s why we’ve created our nostalgic Ladybird-style parody books, poking fun at the madness we all know too well. Because sometimes, if you don’t laugh… you cry into the EHCP paperwork.

👇 Take a look at our latest SEND-inspired Ladybird-style book covers here:
🔗 Browse our collection – guaranteed to make you smile

---

💬 What’s the one question you’ve been too scared to ask out loud?

Drop it in the comments. Odds are, someone else has asked it too — they just haven’t found the courage (or Wi-Fi) yet.

We see you. We hear you. And we’re right here beside you.

If you grew up in the 80s, there’s a good chance you had a shelf—or a shoebox—filled with Ladybird books. From “The Magic Porridge Pot” to “Tootles the Taxi,” they were colourful little hardbacks packed with adventure, learning, and a certain comforting charm that’s hard to forget. The smell of the pages, the gentle tone of the stories, and the illustrations that stayed with us for decades—these books were a big part of our childhoods.

Fast-forward a few decades and life looks a little different now. For many of us, we’re not just parents—we’re SEND parents. We’re navigating EHCPs, tribunals, meltdowns in Morrisons, sleepless nights, rejection letters, and school systems that don’t quite know what to do with our kids (unless they’re quiet and compliant, which, let’s be honest, ours often aren’t).

It’s a lot.

And in the middle of all that, sometimes the only thing that helps us keep going is… laughter.

Laughter is the best medicine (after caffeine)

Here at AskEllie, we believe in empowering parents with knowledge, resources, and practical help—but also in giving them space to smile, even in the madness. Our Ladybird-style parody book covers were created as a little tribute to the chaos, the courage, and the comedy of raising neurodivergent kids.

Because if we can’t laugh at things like:

• “My Child is ‘Fine’ at School” – Based on the bestselling series Masking 101
• “Meltdowns in Morrisons” – A survival guide to the sensory battlefield that is aisle 9
• “The EHCP and Other Works of Fiction” – A Ladybird book for grown-ups
• “True: Unfortunately I’m Out of Office for a Very, Very Long Time” – The local authority caseworker saga
• “We Regret to Inform You: The School Cannot Meet Need” – Your daily dose of disappointment in hardcover

…then honestly, we’d lose our minds.

A Little History, Because We’re Sentimental Like That

The original Ladybird books date back to 1914, but their golden era came in the post-war decades and right through to the 80s. Priced at just 2/6 (that’s two shillings and sixpence), they were designed to be educational, durable, and affordable. They covered everything from reading and counting to nature, history, and even science. They made learning accessible and visually delightful, all in a pocket-sized format.

Ladybird books weren’t just educational—they were a window into a simpler time. A time when bedtime stories didn’t come with a side of Google Classroom, and you didn’t need a degree in law just to get your child into school.

So now, as parents who grew up in that world, we take those memories and remix them into something that reflects our real daily lives.

Because humour is how we survive.
It’s how we connect.
And it’s how we say to each other: you’re not alone in this.

---

Come and see the full collection of SEND-inspired Ladybird-style book covers at AskEllie.co.uk—made with love, laughter, and a little too much coffee.

ChatGPT said:

Here’s a clear, empowering blog post titled:

---

When Is It Time to Bring In the Ombudsman?

You’ve chased emails.
You’ve made polite calls.
You’ve filed complaints.
And still—nothing changes.

At some point, every parent fighting the SEND system asks:
“Is it time to go to the Ombudsman?”

Here’s what you need to know—and when to take that step.

---

🛑 First: What is the Ombudsman?

The Local Government & Social Care Ombudsman (LGSCO) investigates complaints about local authorities in England, including how they handle EHCPs, school placements, transport, and delays.
They can’t change an EHCP or overrule Tribunal decisions—but they can hold councils accountable for unlawful behaviour, delays, poor communication, or failure to act.

---

⚖️ When Can You Complain?

You can go to the Ombudsman after you’ve completed the local authority’s complaints process—or if it’s been more than 12 weeks and they haven’t responded properly.

Common reasons to escalate include:

• The LA refuses to assess your child unlawfully
• They miss deadlines for EHCP stages (e.g., 6 weeks to respond, 20 weeks to issue a plan)
• They fail to implement provision named in Section F of the EHCP
• There’s been poor communication or no response to your requests
• They ignored professional evidence
• They lost or delayed a Tribunal decision being actioned

You don’t need a lawyer. Just a clear record of what went wrong and when.

---

🚩 Signs It’s Time

• You’ve followed the correct steps—and nothing is changing
• The council are ignoring legal timeframes or ghosting your messages
• Your child is being left without education or support, and you’ve tried everything
• You’re being passed from person to person with no resolution

If you’re there—you’re not overreacting. You’re just exhausted from trying to be reasonable in a system that isn’t.

---

💬 What Can the Ombudsman Actually Do?

• Order the LA to apologise
• Recommend they take action to fix the problem
• Award financial compensation for distress, missed education, or delays
• Issue a public report if it’s serious or repeated failings

And yes—they can make a difference. Many families have seen results this way.

---

At AskEllie, we always say:
Try the polite way first. Document everything. Stay calm.
But when enough is enough—go higher.

If you need help writing a complaint or deciding whether your case is strong enough, come by AskEllie.co.uk—we can help you take that next step.

You don’t have to be nice to a system that’s hurting your child.
You just have to be clear—and we’ll back you up.

Let’s be honest—if the SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) world had its own toy line, it wouldn’t be full of capes and superpowers. It would be full of coffee, cracked tablets, and a determination that can’t be boxed.

We created these mock “action figure” designs as a little moment of humour in the middle of what is often a heavy, stressful, emotional journey. Because if you don’t laugh, sometimes you just cry—and we’ve done enough of that too.

---

Why We Made These

Because behind every SEND journey is a family that is doing the absolute most with the absolute least. The humour here isn’t to make light of the pain, the bureaucracy, or the daily battles.

It’s to say: we see you. We ARE you. And sometimes a knowing smile is just the permission you need to keep going.

---

💬 Which figure would you add to the collection?

And for real advice, support, or just a place to feel understood, come see us AskEllie.co.uk.

One of the most common questions we hear from parents is:

“Does my child need a formal diagnosis to get an EHCP?”
Or:
“Will going private help us get the right support faster?”

It’s easy to feel like without a label, your child won’t be taken seriously. And sadly, in many cases, that’s what parents are told—by schools, by professionals, even by local authorities.

But here’s the truth:

An EHCP is about needs, not labels.

Legally, your child does not need a diagnosis to be assessed for or receive an Education, Health and Care Plan.
The EHCP should be built around:

• What your child is struggling with,
• What is (and isn’t) working in their education,
• And what provision is necessary for them to make progress.

A diagnosis can help clarify those needs—but it is not a legal requirement.
What matters most is evidence: observations, school reports, assessments, and your own input as a parent.

So… Is a Private Diagnosis Worth It?

This depends on your situation.
Going private can:

• Speed up a process that’s taking years on the NHS,
• Give you clearer language to advocate for support,
• Or unlock understanding and peace of mind for your family.

But it won’t guarantee an EHCP, and it can be expensive—often £800 to £2,000+ per assessment.

If you go private, choose professionals who understand the EHCP process and will write clear, needs-focused reports with specific recommendations. That way, they can actually help inform the plan—not just give a label.

What Should an EHCP Focus On?

Too many EHCPs get stuck listing diagnoses without really tackling what your child needs in daily life.

What matters most is:

• What does your child struggle with right now?
• What’s working well? What’s falling apart?
• What specific support would help them thrive?

Those are the questions that shape a strong EHCP. Not just what your child “has”, but what they need.

---

At AskEllie, we’ve supported hundreds of families—some with multiple diagnoses, some still fighting to be heard—and what we’ve learned is this:

A diagnosis might open doors, but it’s your child’s lived experience that should shape their support.

You can get guidance, templates, and support with EHCPs (with or without a diagnosis) at AskEllie.co.uk — come by and see us.

You don’t need a label to be valid.
And your child doesn’t need one to deserve support.

---

Being threatened with court action because your child can’t attend school is one of the most distressing things a parent can face—especially when that child has special educational needs, anxiety, or is awaiting support. At AskEllie, we hear from families all over the UK who are being dragged through the legal system instead of being offered the understanding and support they need.

This guide will walk you through what’s happening, what your rights are, and how to prepare if your local authority (LA) decides to take legal action.

---

Why Am I Being Taken to Court?

Under Section 444 of the Education Act 1996, parents can be prosecuted if their child “fails to attend regularly” at school. There are two levels:

• Section 444(1) – failing to ensure regular attendance (fine up to £1,000)
• Section 444(1A) – if the LA believes the absence was intentional or aggravated, penalties may include a fine up to £2,500 or even imprisonment (rare, but scary).

BUT: If your child’s non-attendance is due to illness, special educational needs, anxiety, or an unsuitable school placement, you may have a valid defence.

---

What Are My Rights?

You have the right to:

• Explain your child’s needs
• Present evidence that supports why school attendance has been difficult
• Challenge the suitability of the education provided
• Raise safeguarding or mental health concerns
• Request or highlight the failure to provide alternative provision or EHCP support

Many parents don’t realise that absence related to emotional distress, school-based anxiety, or unmet SEND can be considered a valid reason, especially if you have medical or psychological evidence.

---

Steps To Take Immediately:

1. Collect Evidence
   • Diagnosis or assessment reports
   • EHCP (if you have one) or evidence of a pending application
   • GP letters, CAMHS letters, therapist notes
   • Emails with school or the LA about attendance issues
   • Screenshots of communication if necessary
2. Make a Written Statement
   • Clearly explain your child’s needs, the impact of school, and what support you’ve requested or been refused
   • Highlight any trauma, refusal behaviours, or safeguarding concerns
3. Request Legal Support
   • Contact SENDIASS in your area
   • Use legal aid solicitors who understand SEND law
   • Charities like IPSEA and SOS!SEN may be able to guide you further
4. Ask the LA to Reconsider
   • Remind them of their duties under the Children and Families Act 2014
   • Ask why they are pursuing prosecution over offering support or EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than At School)

---

What Happens In Court?

If it goes to court:

• You can represent yourself, but legal representation is strongly advised.
• The magistrates will look at evidence of non-attendance but also your explanation and circumstances.
• If you have shown that you are doing everything you can to get help and support your child, it will be taken into account.

---

Remember:

You are not alone. Many parents are being wrongly criminalised for trying to protect their children from unsuitable, unsafe, or unsupported education environments.

Ellie was built for this exact reason—to help families navigate systems that often feel impossible.

If you’re facing court over your child’s attendance, visit AskEllie.co.uk for support, guidance, and free resources to help you stand your ground.

You are not a bad parent. You are a parent doing your best in a broken system.

This is the question no one wants to ask out loud.
The one that keeps you up at night.
The one that makes you feel like you’re failing as a parent—even when you’re doing everything you can.

“I have two children with different needs. One can just about manage school. The other can’t cope at all. And trying to fight for one is slowly breaking the other.”
“What am I supposed to do?”

We’ve heard this story more times than we can count.
One child at home, refusing or unable to attend school.
The other barely holding on—exhausted by the stress, scared of being dragged into it, or even begging not to be linked to their sibling for fear of being bullied or burdened.

And you? You’re stuck in the middle. Torn. Burnt out.
Feeling like there’s no “right” answer.

When the System Makes You Choose

No parent should have to decide which child to put first.
But that’s what a broken system does. It creates impossible choices.
Do you keep one child out of a damaging school, knowing it means your other child might lose their safe space, their focus, or their social group?
Do you push for provision that meets the needs of one, when the other is begging not to be in the same building?

These aren’t just logistical challenges. They’re emotional landmines.
And they shouldn’t be falling on families to fix.

You Are Not Alone in This

What we want you to hear—loud and clear—is this:
You are not a bad parent for struggling to balance this.
You are not wrong for protecting your child who is at home.
And you are not failing the one who’s just barely coping.

You are being placed in an unworkable situation—and still doing your best.

What You Can Do

• Document everything: Including the impact on both children. If one is struggling emotionally, socially, or academically due to the situation—write it down.
• Request a review of provision: If an EHCP exists, ask for a new placement that works for everyone’s safety and stability.
• Ask for separate transitions or support plans: Children should not be expected to manage each other’s needs in school. It’s okay to request that your children not be placed together if it’s not emotionally safe.

And most of all: Get support for yourself. You shouldn’t have to carry this alone.

---

At AskEllie, we’ve spoken to parents who’ve lost jobs, homes, and relationships trying to hold the pieces together for more than one child. These aren’t isolated stories. This is a pattern.

If you’re in this position—or close to it—come by AskEllie.co.uk. We’ll help you get clear on your rights, what to ask for, and how to move forward without sacrificing one child’s needs for another’s.

Because no family should ever be forced to make this choice.

---

Most of us are so deep in the fight—EHCPs, diagnoses, school placements, Tribunal appeals—that we barely have time to breathe, let alone think about the future. But here’s the truth no one tells you early enough:

👉 Our children with autism grow up.
And when they do, the whole system changes.

Support doesn’t automatically continue after 16 or 18. New assessments, new criteria, adult social care, college or employment options, benefits changes—it’s like starting all over again… just when you thought you were getting somewhere.

Here’s what you can start thinking about early, even if your child is still in primary school:

✅ Make sure the EHCP includes Preparing for Adulthood outcomes by Year 9 – It’s the law, but many LAs skip it.
✅ Start gathering evidence for things like independence, travel training, managing money, or support needs at home
✅ Get familiar with adult services – Education, health, social care… they all work differently after 18.
✅ Think about benefits – PIP (not DLA) and adult ESA/Universal Credit are a whole new world.
✅ And most importantly: talk to your child about their hopes, goals, and fears. Their voice matters.

Let’s not wait until they turn 17 to realise we needed to start this years ago. You’re not failing if you didn’t know this—it’s just one more thing the system doesn’t make clear.

We’re here for all of it—from first diagnosis to adulthood.
💛 Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk for help navigating what’s next.

There comes a moment in many SEND families’ journeys when everything breaks.
When the early mornings become panic attacks.
When the school gates feel like a battlefield.
When your child, who used to try so hard, just… stops.

They can’t go in.
And you can’t make them.

And suddenly, you’re not just navigating a broken system—you’re fighting to protect your child from it.

“It Was Never Meant to Be This Way…”

So many parents tell us: “We tried everything. Rewards, routines, therapists, early mornings, lifting them into the car… but it just kept getting worse.”

And the heartbreak? It’s not just watching your child unravel. It’s being told it’s your fault. That you’re “colluding” with their anxiety. That they “just need boundaries.” That it’s a parenting issue, not a provision one.

Let’s be clear: it is not your fault.

When a child cannot cope with school, the answer isn’t to double down on forcing them in. The answer is to listen to what their distress is telling us—and act on it.

What Does “Not Coping” Really Look Like?

For some kids, it’s screaming and lashing out before school.
For others, it’s silence, shutdown, or illness every single morning.
Some kids become aggressive. Others just disappear into themselves.

And when they do make it into school, the cost can be huge—meltdowns at home, exhaustion, refusal to eat, sleep, speak. We hear stories every day of children who are technically attending school—but are crumbling underneath.

That is not education.
That is survival. And it cannot last.

What Can You Do When You Reach This Point?

1. Put it in writing.
   Let the school and local authority know that your child is no longer able to attend due to emotional or mental health needs. Use words like “not fit to attend,” “trauma,” and “emotional-based school avoidance.”
2. Request a change to provision.
   If your child has an EHCP, you can request an early review and ask for Education Otherwise Than In School (EOTIS). If they don’t, you can request an EHCP and ask for interim provision under Section 19 of the Education Act.
3. Collect evidence.
   Letters from your GP, Educational Psychologist, CAMHS, or therapist all help. Even your own records of behaviour and distress matter. Your voice counts.
4. Say no to pressure.
   You are not legally required to force your child into school if it’s harming them. Keep everything in writing and seek support.

---

At AskEllie, we’ve read hundreds of stories from families who hit this exact point. And while every situation is different, the pain is shared: the feeling that you’re screaming into a void, trying to protect your child from a system that doesn’t seem to care.

But there are steps you can take. There are legal protections. And there is a growing movement of parents saying enough is enough.

If your child can’t cope with school anymore, you’re not alone.
Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk—we’re here to help you push back, be heard, and find a way forward.