A recent BBC video about rising exclusions sparked a huge reaction online.
But it wasn’t the statistics that caught my attention.
It was the top comment.
At the time of writing, it had received thousands of likes and simply said:
“The sad part is most schools don’t really care to stop bullying.”
Now, before teachers and school leaders understandably feel attacked by that statement, it’s worth taking a step back and asking a different question:
Why did so many people agree with it?
Because when thousands of parents relate to a comment like that, they’re usually not talking about one specific school.
They’re talking about trust.
Bullying Is Not Just About The Bullying
Most people think the damage comes from the bullying itself.
But for many children, especially those with SEND, the deeper damage happens afterwards.
The moment they tell someone.
The moment they ask for help.
The moment they finally find the courage to explain what is happening.
And then feel like nothing changes.
Many parents describe a pattern that looks something like this:
- Child reports bullying
- School investigates
- Parents are told it has been “dealt with”
- The behaviour continues
- Child becomes increasingly anxious
- Attendance begins to drop
- Behaviour changes
- School starts focusing on the child’s reactions instead
Whether this happens intentionally or not, it leaves many families feeling unheard.
Why SEND Children Are Particularly Vulnerable
Autistic children are significantly more likely to experience bullying than their peers.
Children with ADHD are also at increased risk.
Children who:
- struggle socially
- process information differently
- have sensory differences
- communicate differently
- or simply stand out from the crowd
often become targets.
Many SEND children desperately want to fit in.
Some spend years masking their difficulties.
Others become isolated.
Some begin avoiding school altogether.
And when bullying is added into that mix, the consequences can be devastating.
The Link Between Bullying, Anxiety and School Avoidance
One thing many people fail to recognise is that bullying doesn’t always create obvious outcomes.
Children don’t always come home and say:
“I’m being bullied.”
Instead, parents may notice:
- stomach aches
- headaches
- difficulty sleeping
- emotional outbursts
- school refusal
- anxiety
- panic attacks
- withdrawal
- loss of confidence
Over time, school can stop feeling safe.
And when a child no longer feels safe, learning becomes almost impossible.
This is one reason why increasing numbers of families are dealing with EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance).
The issue is often much deeper than attendance.
Why Parents Feel Frustrated
Most teachers genuinely care about children.
Most school leaders want children to succeed.
But parents often experience things very differently.
Many feel they have to repeatedly prove their child is struggling.
Some report concerns for months or years before meaningful action is taken.
Others feel their child’s distress is dismissed as:
- oversensitivity
- attention seeking
- behavioural issues
- poor resilience
Eventually, frustration builds.
Not because parents hate schools.
But because they feel nobody is listening.
Rising Exclusions Are Not Happening In Isolation
The BBC story focused on rising exclusions.
But exclusions don’t happen in a vacuum.
Many children who are excluded have experienced:
- unmet SEND needs
- anxiety
- trauma
- bullying
- school avoidance
- emotional dysregulation
long before exclusion becomes a possibility.
By the time some children are removed from school, the warning signs have often been present for months or even years.
The real question is not simply:
“Why are exclusions increasing?”
The real question is:
“What happened before the exclusion?”
Rebuilding Trust
The answer is not to blame schools.
And it is not to blame parents.
Both are operating under enormous pressure.
Teachers are dealing with:
- large classes
- funding pressures
- safeguarding responsibilities
- rising mental health needs
Parents are dealing with:
- long CAMHS waiting lists
- SEND battles
- local authority delays
- exhausted children
- financial stress
- emotional burnout
Neither side benefits when trust breaks down.
But trust is rebuilt when families feel:
- listened to
- believed
- included
- informed
- and supported
especially when concerns are raised early.
The Question We Should Be Asking
Perhaps the most important question is not whether schools care.
Most do.
The question is whether systems are giving schools the time, staffing, resources and specialist support they need to properly protect vulnerable children.
Because when thousands of people relate to a comment saying schools don’t care about bullying, that should concern all of us.
Not because the statement is necessarily true.
But because so many families clearly feel that it is.
And once trust is lost, the consequences can follow children for years.
Particularly those who were already vulnerable in the first place.
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