I want to talk about something that I believe deserves far more attention.
The physical health of SEND mums.
Not just their mental health. Not just the stress, anxiety and emotional exhaustion that so many experience.
I’m talking about their actual physical health.
The mums living with persistent pain.
The mums who wake up exhausted before the day has even started.
The mums struggling with migraines, muscle stiffness, joint pain, brain fog and fatigue that doesn’t disappear after a night’s sleep.
And the mums who’ve been diagnosed with conditions such as fibromyalgia, ME/CFS or other chronic illnesses while continuing to care for children with significant additional needs.
Because what happens when the person holding everything together starts becoming unwell herself?
As a SEND dad raising two neurodivergent boys alongside my wife, Rebecca, I’ve seen how demanding family life can become when your children need additional support.
And I know our family isn’t alone.
For many SEND parents, the demands don’t end when the school day finishes.
Sometimes the school day barely begins.
Sometimes the night is more exhausting than the day.
And sometimes parents find themselves living in a constant cycle of caring, worrying, advocating and trying to recover just enough energy to do it all again tomorrow.
But there’s an important question we need to ask.
Could years of caring without adequate support be affecting parents’ physical health more seriously than we realise?
The research suggests that the physical health of unpaid carers deserves considerably more attention.
What the Research Actually Shows
In October 2025, Carers UK published its State of Caring report, drawing on the experiences of more than 10,500 unpaid carers.
The findings painted a concerning picture.
Among survey respondents:
- 42% reported that their physical health had suffered because of caring.
- 30% described their physical health as bad or very bad.
- 74% said they had felt stressed or anxious.
- 65% struggled to get a good night’s sleep because of caring.
- 43% felt lonely.
- 59% had lost touch with family or friends because of their caring responsibilities.
- 20% reported experiencing an injury because of caring.
These figures concern unpaid carers generally, including people caring for older or ill relatives, not exclusively SEND parents.
But they demonstrate something important.
Caring is not simply an emotional responsibility. It can place significant demands on people’s physical health, relationships and everyday lives.
And the evidence doesn’t stop there.
A 2026 Study Found That Parents of Disabled Children Face Greater Physical Health Challenges
A systematic review and meta-analysis published in the April 2026 issue of Disability and Health Journal examined physical health differences between caregivers of children with and without disabilities.
Researchers reviewed 28 studies.
Of the 36 independent groups included, 30 reported significantly poorer physical health among caregivers of children with disabilities.
The pooled analyses also found a statistically significant difference in physical health, with musculoskeletal health problems showing a particularly strong association.
In plain English?
The evidence suggests that parents caring for disabled children are more likely to experience poorer physical health than parents of children without disabilities.
That doesn’t mean every SEND parent will become unwell.
And it doesn’t mean the child’s disability is directly responsible for a parent’s illness.
Caregiving circumstances, access to support, existing health conditions and many other factors can all play a role.
But the findings reinforce something many parents have been saying for years.
Their health is suffering, and they need more support.
Fibromyalgia: Why Are SEND Mums Talking About It?
Fibromyalgia is a long-term condition associated with widespread pain, fatigue, sleep difficulties and problems with concentration and memory.
Some people also experience headaches, digestive symptoms, heightened sensitivity to pain and difficulties with everyday activities.
The NHS explains that fibromyalgia is thought to involve changes in how the nervous system processes pain signals.
Its exact cause remains unknown.
Physical or emotional stress can sometimes be associated with the onset of symptoms, and stress can make existing symptoms worse.
But it’s important to be clear about something.
There is currently insufficient evidence to establish that SEND mums are experiencing a specific rise in fibromyalgia diagnoses, or that caring for a disabled child directly causes the condition.
That distinction matters.
However, when we look at the wider research into unpaid caring, poor sleep, stress and chronic physical health difficulties, there are legitimate reasons to investigate the experiences of SEND mothers further.
And importantly, fibromyalgia is a genuine medical condition.
It should never be dismissed as somebody simply being stressed or failing to cope.
What Years of Broken Sleep Can Do
I can speak personally about this one.
For more than ten years, my autistic son has experienced significant anxiety around sleeping independently.
I’ve often needed to sit beside him until he falls asleep, and broken nights have become a familiar part of our lives.
Over time, that lack of consistent sleep affects you.
Your concentration.
Your patience.
Your memory.
Your energy.
Your ability to recover from an already exhausting day.
And for some SEND families, sleep difficulties are only one part of the picture.
Parents may also be waking throughout the night to help children with medical needs, distress, toileting, sensory difficulties or anxiety.
Imagine experiencing that not for a few weeks, but for years.
Research into sleep deprivation consistently shows that inadequate sleep can negatively affect physical and mental functioning.
And Carers UK’s findings suggest that disrupted sleep is a widespread issue among unpaid carers.
Yet we rarely hear serious conversations about what long-term sleep disruption is doing to the health of the parents providing that care.
Instead, we often hear:
“You need to get more sleep.”
But how?
How do you get more sleep when the person you’re caring for needs you throughout the night and there’s nobody available to take over?
That’s the conversation we should be having.
When Chronic Stress Becomes Part of Everyday Life
I think people sometimes misunderstand what stress looks like for SEND families.
It’s not necessarily one particularly difficult day.
It’s the accumulation of hundreds of difficult days.
Waiting months for assessments.
Challenging decisions about an EHCP.
Trying to secure appropriate educational provision.
Managing school attendance difficulties.
Worrying about your child’s future.
Attending appointments.
Navigating benefit applications.
Managing financial pressures.
And trying to maintain a relationship, family life and possibly employment alongside everything else.
For some families, these demands continue for years.
Chronic stress can affect sleep, contribute to headaches and muscle tension, and worsen symptoms of certain existing health conditions.
But this doesn’t mean every long-term illness can be explained by stress.
And it would be wrong to suggest that fibromyalgia, ME/CFS or other complex conditions are simply the result of parents becoming overwhelmed.
Those conditions have distinct clinical considerations and deserve proper medical assessment.
The issue isn’t that SEND mums are somehow less capable of handling stress. It’s that many are living with an extraordinary level of responsibility without the support needed to make that responsibility sustainable.
The Health Problems Parents Are Too Busy to Investigate
Here’s another part of the research that genuinely concerns me.
During Carers Week in June 2025, Carers UK reported findings showing that 43% of current or former carers surveyed had experienced a physical or mental health condition developing or becoming worse since taking on caring responsibilities.
And among people currently caring, 40% said they had cancelled a medical appointment, treatment, test, scan or therapy because of their caring responsibilities.
Think about that.
People responsible for looking after somebody else’s wellbeing are missing opportunities to look after their own.
And I wonder how many SEND mums reading this will recognise that experience.
The GP appointment you’ve put off.
The symptoms you’ve been meaning to investigate.
The exhaustion you’ve started to accept as normal.
The pain you’ve learnt to work around.
The medical appointment you’ve cancelled because your child couldn’t attend school that day.
At what point does caring for everybody else mean we stop looking after ourselves?
And what happens when those neglected health problems become more serious?
Could Some SEND Mums Be Living With Undiagnosed Conditions?
It’s possible that some parents are attributing symptoms to exhaustion or stress when there is an underlying health condition requiring assessment.
Persistent fatigue, widespread pain, disturbed sleep and cognitive difficulties can occur for many reasons.
These may include fibromyalgia, thyroid disorders, iron deficiency, inflammatory conditions, sleep disorders, ME/CFS or other medical problems.
The symptoms overlap, which is one reason self-diagnosis can be misleading.
The NHS advises people who suspect fibromyalgia to speak to their GP.
There is no single diagnostic test for fibromyalgia, and clinicians may need to investigate other conditions that could explain the symptoms.
This is particularly important for parents who’ve spent years prioritising their children’s medical needs.
Being a carer doesn’t mean you should automatically accept pain, exhaustion or deteriorating health as an unavoidable part of life.
Your symptoms matter.
And you deserve to have them taken seriously.
Why Respite Is About More Than Giving Parents a Break
When people hear the word respite, they sometimes imagine a parent wanting a weekend away or a few hours to themselves.
And there is nothing wrong with either of those things.
But for some families, suitable short breaks and practical caring support can play a much more fundamental role.
They may create opportunities for parents to sleep, attend medical appointments, maintain employment, spend time with other children or simply recover physically.
Yet accessing suitable support can be difficult, particularly when a child has complex needs or struggles with unfamiliar people and environments.
A parent cannot necessarily leave their child with a friend, relative or ordinary babysitter.
And support needs to be appropriate for the child, not simply available in theory.
In England, parents caring for disabled children can ask their local authority about a parent carer’s needs assessment under the Children and Families Act 2014.
The assessment should consider matters including the parent’s wellbeing and whether they are able and willing to continue providing care.
Families can also ask children’s services about short-break provision and the support available in their local area.
Support arrangements differ across the UK’s nations, so families should check the framework that applies where they live.
Respite isn’t about wanting time away from your child. It’s about making sure the whole family has the support needed to remain healthy and safe.
Five Things SEND Mums Shouldn’t Have to Feel Guilty About
1. Asking for help
You are not failing because caring has become too much to manage alone.
Support exists precisely because some responsibilities cannot reasonably be carried by one person indefinitely.
2. Putting your own health first occasionally
Your GP appointment matters.
Your treatment matters.
Your sleep matters.
And your physical wellbeing should never be considered less important simply because somebody else depends on you.
3. Admitting you’re exhausted
Being exhausted doesn’t mean you don’t love your child.
It means you’re exhausted.
Those are two entirely different things.
4. Needing proper breaks
Rest isn’t something you have to earn by reaching breaking point.
If you need support to recover, that need deserves to be recognised.
5. Wanting a life outside caring
You are a parent.
You may also be a partner, friend, professional, daughter, sister or somebody with ambitions and interests entirely separate from your caring responsibilities.
Those parts of your identity still matter.
What Needs to Change?
We need to stop treating the deteriorating health of unpaid carers as an inevitable consequence of caring.
That means taking their experiences seriously and addressing the barriers that prevent them from accessing support.
There are several areas that deserve particular attention.
Better identification of unpaid carers in healthcare. GPs and other professionals should be aware when a patient has substantial caring responsibilities, especially when those responsibilities affect their ability to access appointments or follow treatment.
Accessible, appropriate short-break services. Families need practical options that genuinely meet their children’s needs rather than services they cannot safely or realistically use.
Earlier support for SEND families. Delays in assessments, educational provision and appropriate help can add avoidable pressure to family life.
More attention to physical health. Discussions about carer wellbeing should include chronic pain, sleep problems, fatigue and other physical symptoms, rather than focusing solely on mental health.
Research specifically examining SEND parents. We need better evidence about the prevalence of individual health conditions, including fibromyalgia, among parents of disabled children, and how factors such as sleep, caring hours and access to support may influence outcomes.
Because what the existing evidence tells us is concerning enough.
And what it doesn’t yet tell us deserves investigation.
My Message to Every SEND Mum Reading This
I know many of you will read this and recognise parts of your own life.
Perhaps you’ve spent years struggling to sleep.
Perhaps you’ve developed unexplained pain.
Perhaps you’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia or another chronic condition.
Or perhaps you’re simply exhausted and can’t remember the last time somebody asked how you were feeling.
I want to make one thing clear.
Your health isn’t an afterthought.
You are not just the person attending the appointments, answering the school emails and keeping everybody else’s life running.
You are somebody whose wellbeing matters in its own right.
And if you’re experiencing persistent pain, unusual fatigue or symptoms that are getting worse, please seek medical advice.
Don’t assume it’s simply something you have to live with because you’re a SEND mum.
You deserve answers.
You deserve care.
And you deserve support.
The Question We Should All Be Asking
We spend so much time discussing what our children need.
Their education.
Their healthcare.
Their independence.
Their future.
And rightly so.
But what happens when the parents responsible for supporting those children are becoming increasingly unwell themselves?
What happens when the mum who keeps everything going can no longer manage because her own physical health has deteriorated?
We shouldn’t have to wait until SEND mums become patients themselves before we start taking their wellbeing seriously.
And perhaps instead of constantly asking parents to become more resilient, we should be asking why so many are being left to carry so much without adequate support.
Because the goal isn’t simply to help families survive another difficult day.
It’s to make sure the people caring for our children are healthy, supported and able to have a future of their own.
I’d Like to Hear Your Experiences
To every SEND mum reading this:
Have you been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic pain, ME/CFS or another long-term health condition?
Did your symptoms begin or worsen during the years you’ve spent caring?
Have you struggled to access medical appointments because of your child’s needs?
And perhaps most importantly:
Do you feel that anybody is genuinely looking after your health while you’re looking after everybody else?
Please share your experiences in the comments.
Your story may help another parent recognise that their symptoms deserve attention.
And it may help us start a much bigger conversation about the physical health of SEND families.
Oliver Lee is the founder of AskEllie.co.uk, a platform supporting parents of children with special educational needs and disabilities, unpaid carers and disabled people.
This article provides general information and discussion of research. It does not establish that caring causes fibromyalgia or any other individual medical condition and is not a substitute for medical assessment.
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