As a SEND parent, how many times have you wanted to run away?
Maybe you didn’t go far.
Maybe you just got in the car and made it as far as the end of the street.
Engine on. Silence. Breathing again.
If that’s ever been you, let’s be really clear about something first:
That feeling doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.
It means you’re a human one.
Why this feeling is so common for SEND parents
Parenting a child with SEND isn’t just parenting — it’s everything else on top.
You’re not only meeting your child’s emotional and sensory needs. You’re also:
- Advocating constantly
- Explaining your child to professionals
- Translating confusing systems and letters
- Managing school anxiety, behaviour, and burnout
- Carrying the emotional weight of being “on alert” all the time
There’s no off switch.
For many parents, that moment of wanting to escape isn’t about wanting to leave their child — it’s about wanting to stop holding everything for just a few minutes.
Your nervous system reaches overload before your brain has time to make sense of it.
“I just need to get away” isn’t failure — it’s overwhelm
When parents tell us they feel like running away, they often follow it with guilt.
“I shouldn’t feel like this.”
“Other parents cope.”
“What kind of parent thinks that?”
But this reaction is a sign of prolonged stress, not a lack of love.
When you’ve been in survival mode for too long, your body looks for an exit.
That’s not weakness — it’s biology.
What helps in the moment
When you’re at that point — shaking, exhausted, close to snapping — the goal isn’t to fix anything.
It’s to regulate you.
Some small things that genuinely help:
- Step outside, even briefly
- Sit in the car without going anywhere
- Run cold water over your wrists
- Slow your breathing (longer exhales than inhales)
- Say it out loud: “I’m overwhelmed, not failing”
You don’t need solutions in that moment.
You need your nervous system to calm down.
The bigger picture: support matters more than strength
SEND parents are often praised for being “strong” or “resilient”.
But strength isn’t the answer — support is.
What helps long-term isn’t pushing yourself harder, but:
- Understanding your child’s needs and behaviour more deeply
- Knowing that behaviour is communication, not defiance
- Having backup when schools or services push back
- Learning your rights so you’re not constantly second-guessing yourself
- Hearing “this is hard — and you’re not imagining it”
Just as importantly: parents need support too.
Not after crisis.
Not once things fall apart.
But while they’re holding everything together.
You’re not alone — even when it feels like it
If you’ve ever sat in the car questioning everything…
If you’ve ever thought “I can’t do this anymore” and scared yourself with the thought…
If you’ve ever felt ashamed for needing space…
You’re not broken.
You’re not selfish.
And you’re definitely not alone.
This is the reality of SEND parenting — messy, exhausting, deeply loving, and rarely acknowledged properly.
At AskEllie, we support parents navigating SEND systems every day — not just with legal rights and EHCPs, but with reassurance, clarity, and the reminder that you are not the problem.
If this post felt uncomfortably familiar, come by and see us.
You don’t have to carry it all on your own.
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