“Just wait a minute.”

It sounds like one of the simplest instructions we can give a child.

But think about what we’re actually asking them to do.

How long is a minute?

What exactly are they waiting for?

What happens when the waiting finishes?

And perhaps most importantly:

What are they supposed to do while they’re waiting?

For some autistic and PDA children, waiting can be incredibly difficult. From the outside, it might look like impatience, demanding behaviour or an inability to accept that they can’t have something immediately.

But sometimes there’s much more happening underneath.

The problem might not simply be that your child doesn’t want to wait.

They may not understand how to wait.

Waiting contains a lot of uncertainty

Imagine telling your child:

“We’ll leave soon.”

What does “soon” mean?

Two minutes?

Ten minutes?

Half an hour?

Adults are generally able to tolerate that uncertainty because we’ve developed ways of estimating time, reading situations and occupying ourselves until something happens.

Some neurodivergent children may find those invisible skills much harder.

For an autistic child who relies heavily on predictability, an open-ended wait can feel particularly uncomfortable.

They know something is going to happen.

They just don’t know when.

And uncertainty itself can become stressful.

“Wait a minute” often doesn’t mean a minute

This is another problem.

Adults use incredibly vague language around time.

“Give me a second.”

“We’ll go in a minute.”

“Nearly ready.”

“Won’t be long.”

“Later.”

“Soon.”

None of those expressions necessarily tell a child anything concrete.

If your child interprets language literally, “I’ll be there in a minute” might reasonably mean 60 seconds.

Then five minutes pass.

From our perspective, nothing unusual has happened.

From theirs, the information they were given was wrong.

So they ask again.

“Are we going now?”

“No. I said wait.”

Thirty seconds later:

“Now?”

And before long everybody is frustrated.

Waiting can be particularly difficult with PDA

For some children with a PDA profile, waiting can introduce several pressures simultaneously.

They don’t control when something happens.

They don’t know exactly when the situation will change.

Someone else is determining what happens next.

And there may be an expectation that they simply remain calm until that unknown point arrives.

That combination of uncertainty, loss of control and expectation can sometimes increase anxiety.

What looks like:

“I want it NOW!”

may therefore have something else underneath it:

“I need to know what is happening.”

Adults don’t actually “just wait” either

This is something I think we often forget.

Imagine sitting in a doctor’s waiting room for 40 minutes.

What do you do?

You probably get your phone out.

Scroll social media.

Read the news.

Reply to messages.

Listen to something.

Look around the room.

Maybe talk to whoever came with you.

At an airport, we find a coffee shop.

At a train station, we put headphones in.

Waiting for somebody who’s getting ready, we find something else to do.

Adults have learned how to fill waiting time.

Yet sometimes we tell a neurodivergent child:

“Just wait.”

And expect them to stand there doing absolutely nothing.

Perhaps waiting is a skill we need to make more explicit.

Instead of saying “just wait”, provide the missing information

One of the simplest changes is explaining what is actually happening.

Instead of:

“Wait.”

Try:

“I’m finishing this email. When I’ve sent it, I’ll come and help you.”

Now the child has an identifiable endpoint.

Instead of:

“We’re leaving soon.”

Try:

“We’re leaving after I’ve put these dishes away. Then we’ll get our shoes on and go to the car.”

You’re turning something vague into something more predictable.

Tell them how long when you can

If you genuinely know how long something will take, make it visible.

You might say:

“We need to wait five minutes.”

Some children may find a visual timer useful because they can actually see the waiting period disappearing.

Others might prefer a countdown:

“Ten minutes.”

Then:

“Five minutes.”

Then:

“Two minutes — shoes next.”

But be careful not to promise an exact time when you don’t actually know.

If you’re waiting for a doctor, for example, saying:

“The doctor will call us in five minutes”

could create more distress if 20 minutes pass.

Instead:

“I don’t know exactly when the doctor will call us. We’re waiting for our name, and I’ll tell you as soon as I know anything.”

Sometimes honesty about uncertainty is more helpful than false certainty.

Give them something to do while they wait

This can make an enormous difference.

If waiting is going to happen, immediately pair it with an activity.

“While I’m making dinner, you can play your game.”

“While we’re waiting for the appointment, you can use your tablet.”

“We’re going to be here for a while, so bring your headphones.”

Depending on your child, useful waiting activities might include:

• a tablet or phone
• headphones
• a favourite video
• a book
• drawing
• a fidget
• a small toy
• music
• a game
• a preferred snack where appropriate.

The goal isn’t necessarily to “distract” the child from everything.

It’s helping them understand:

This is what we do during the gap.

Make the sequence predictable

Some children cope much better when they understand not only what they’re waiting for but what happens afterwards.

For example:

“First we wait for the dentist. Then the dentist checks your teeth. Then we’re going home.”

Or:

“Dad is finishing work. You can play your game while you wait. When I’m finished, we’ll get in the car and go to Grandma’s.”

Now the child isn’t floating in an undefined period called waiting.

There’s a sequence.

Now → waiting activity → next thing.

That can make the situation easier to understand.

Preparation can help before the waiting even begins

If you know you’re going somewhere that involves waiting, tell your child beforehand.

You might say:

“We’re going to the doctor. Sometimes doctors run late, so we might have to wait. Let’s take your headphones and tablet.”

That gives your child information before they’re already dealing with the environment.

It also allows them to choose something that might help.

For some children, visual schedules or a simple written sequence may be useful:

Car → Doctor → Wait → Appointment → Home

Different children will need different levels of detail.

Don’t assume repeated questions mean they weren’t listening

This is another common frustration.

You’ve already explained what’s happening.

Then they ask again.

And again.

And again.

“When are we going?”

“Is it nearly time?”

“How long now?”

It can feel as though they’re ignoring everything you’ve said.

But repeated questioning can sometimes be connected with anxiety or a need for reassurance and predictability.

Simply saying:

“I’ve already told you!”

may not address what is driving the question.

Sometimes pointing back to something concrete can help:

“Remember, when the timer finishes.”

or:

“We’re waiting for Mum to come downstairs. Then we’re leaving.”

Waiting isn’t only about time

There is another important point.

A child may cope brilliantly waiting for something they don’t particularly care about but find it almost impossible to wait for something exciting.

Birthday presents.

A favourite activity.

A delivery.

Going on holiday.

Seeing somebody they love.

High excitement can make regulation harder too.

So difficulty waiting doesn’t necessarily mean the child is distressed in the traditional sense.

Sometimes anticipation itself is overwhelming.

What looks like impatience may be missing information

This is probably the biggest takeaway.

When a child struggles to wait, our instinct can be:

“They need to learn patience.”

And perhaps patience is part of it.

But before assuming that, ask:

Does my child know how long they’re waiting?

Do they understand what they’re waiting for?

Do they know what happens afterwards?

Do they have something appropriate to do while waiting?

Is uncertainty making them anxious?

Is the environment already overwhelming them?

Those questions may tell you much more than simply deciding the child is impatient.

Teach waiting rather than repeatedly demanding it

Waiting is something most adults have practised thousands of times.

We’ve developed strategies without even noticing.

Some autistic and PDA children may benefit from those strategies being made explicit.

So instead of:

“You need to learn to wait.”

Try:

“I’m going to help you understand what happens while we wait.”

Give information.

Create predictability.

Offer something to do.

Explain what happens next.

And where possible, remove unnecessary uncertainty.

Because sometimes the child isn’t refusing to wait.

They simply haven’t been given the information or tools they need to know HOW to wait.

---

At AskEllie, we share practical information and lived experience around autism, ADHD, PDA and SEND family life to help parents understand what may be happening underneath behaviour.

Every child is different. Difficulty waiting can have many causes, and the strategies that help one child may not work for another.