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  • Most Parents Don’t Realise Schools Can Already Do This for Autistic and ADHD Children

    One of the biggest problems in the SEND system right now is not always a complete lack of support.

    Sometimes, it’s that families are never told what support schools can already put in place.

    Every week, parents contact AskEllie saying things like:

    • “School says there’s nothing else they can do.”
    • “They just keep giving sanctions.”
    • “They say my child has to fit the same rules as everyone else.”
    • “They say support can only happen with an EHCP.”

    But that is not always true.

    Many adjustments can — and should — happen long before an EHCP is in place.

    And for autistic, ADHD, anxious or PDA-profile children, those adjustments can completely change a child’s experience of school.

    The Problem Schools Often Miss

    Many neurodivergent children are not refusing school because they are “naughty,” “lazy,” or “manipulative.”

    Often, they are overwhelmed.

    The environment itself becomes too much:

    • noise
    • pressure
    • unpredictability
    • sensory overload
    • constant social demand
    • fear of getting things wrong
    • public correction
    • transitions
    • masking all day

    A child may appear “fine” at school but completely fall apart at home.

    That does not mean there is no need.

    In fact, masking is one of the biggest reasons children are missed.

    Adjustments Schools Can Often Make

    Every child is different, but these are examples of accommodations many schools can already provide.

    Emotional Regulation & Safety

    • A trusted adult check-in built into the day
    • A designated safe space or quiet room
    • A “safe person” the child can approach discreetly
    • Calm co-regulation rather than confrontation
    • Movement breaks before overwhelm builds

    Reducing Anxiety Around Change

    • Advance warning of timetable changes
    • Visual schedules or written instructions
    • Previewing upcoming tasks
    • Allowing observation before participation
    • Preparation for assemblies, trips or events

    Communication Adjustments

    • Reduced pressure to answer immediately
    • Quiet correction rather than public discipline
    • Alternative ways to communicate distress
    • Processing time before responding
    • Avoiding spotlighting or shaming

    Sensory & Environmental Support

    • Ear defenders or sensory tools
    • Quiet working spaces
    • Flexible seating
    • Reduced sensory load where possible
    • Staggered start or finish times

    Why This Matters

    For some children, these adjustments are the difference between:

    • attending school or refusing it
    • regulating or exploding
    • coping or burning out
    • learning or surviving

    And yet many parents are never informed these options even exist.

    Instead, families often reach crisis point first.

    Schools Are Under Pressure Too

    This is not about blaming teachers.

    Many teachers genuinely care and want to help.

    But schools are under enormous pressure:

    • overstretched staff
    • limited funding
    • crowded classrooms
    • lack of SEND training
    • increasing numbers of complex needs in mainstream settings

    The reality is that many staff are trying to support children within a system that is already overwhelmed.

    You Do Not Always Need an EHCP First

    This is important.

    A child does not need to “fail enough” before support begins.

    Under the Equality Act 2010, schools have duties to make reasonable adjustments for disabled children, including many autistic and ADHD pupils.

    An EHCP can strengthen support — but early intervention matters.

    The earlier schools recognise needs, the better the long-term outcome usually is.

    Final Thought

    Sometimes the child is not the problem.

    Sometimes the environment is.

    And for many SEND families, the hardest part is not parenting their child.

    It’s trying to convince the system their child is struggling in the first place.

    If more parents understood what schools can already do, fewer children might reach crisis before help arrives.

    For more SEND support, guidance and practical advice, visit AskEllie.co.uk

  • Why Are More Primary School Children Becoming Violent Towards Teachers?

    This is one of the hardest conversations a parent can have.

    Because nobody wants to hear the words:
    “my child hurt a teacher.”

    And as a parent, I understand both sides.

    Teachers deserve to feel safe.
    Children deserve to feel safe.
    Violence in schools should never be normalised.

    But we also need to ask a difficult question:

    Why are more and more primary school children reaching this point in the first place?

    Because my son did these things too.

    He threw chairs.
    He ran from classrooms.
    He lashed out after being restrained.

    And what I know now is this:

    Those moments did not come from nowhere.

    What People See vs What’s Really Happening

    Most people only see the explosion.

    They see:

    • the chair being thrown
    • the shouting
    • the aggression
    • the teacher getting hurt

    What they don’t see is everything building underneath it for months — sometimes years.

    The anxiety.
    The overwhelm.
    The sensory overload.
    The masking.
    The panic.
    The constant pressure to cope in an environment the child’s nervous system cannot manage.

    For many neurodivergent children — especially autistic children, PDA children, ADHD children, or children carrying trauma — behaviour is often communication long before it becomes crisis.

    But too often, the early warning signs are misunderstood.

    Primary School Is Often Where It Starts

    A lot of people assume primary school should be the “easy” years.

    But actually, this is often where difficulties first become impossible to hide.

    Because as children move through primary school:

    • academic pressure increases
    • social expectations rise
    • sensory demands grow
    • transitions become harder
    • masking becomes exhausting
    • demands become more constant

    And for some children, their nervous system simply cannot sustain it anymore.

    That’s when behaviour can become explosive.

    Not because the child is evil.
    Not because they want to hurt people.
    But because they have reached survival mode.

    PDA, Autism and the Threat Response

    This is especially important when we talk about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance).

    Many PDA children experience everyday demands as a genuine threat to their nervous system.

    Things that seem small to others:

    • instructions
    • transitions
    • pressure
    • feeling trapped
    • public correction
    • restraint
    • loss of control

    can trigger panic responses.

    And panic does not always look like fear.

    Sometimes it looks like:

    • aggression
    • running
    • shouting
    • throwing
    • fighting

    That doesn’t make it acceptable.

    But understanding WHY it happens matters.

    Because punishment alone cannot regulate a nervous system in survival mode.

    Teachers Are Carrying More Than Ever

    This is not about blaming teachers.

    In many cases, teachers are doing everything they can in an impossible system.

    Classrooms today are managing:

    • larger SEND needs
    • rising anxiety
    • limited funding
    • staff shortages
    • reduced specialist support
    • increasing behavioural complexity

    And mainstream schools are often being asked to support children with needs they were never properly resourced or trained to manage.

    So when incidents happen, everyone suffers:

    • the teacher
    • the child
    • the class
    • the parents
    • the school itself

    Excluding Younger Children Is Becoming More Common

    More conversations are now happening around whether primary-aged children should be permanently excluded for violence.

    And honestly?
    I understand why people feel strongly about safety.

    But exclusion should also force us to ask:

    What support was in place before it got to this point?

    Because by the time a 7-year-old is throwing chairs across a classroom…

    that child has usually been struggling for a very long time already.

    Early Intervention Matters

    This is why early intervention matters so much.

    Not after crisis.
    Before it.

    Children need:

    • understanding
    • regulation support
    • sensory support
    • emotionally safe environments
    • staff trained in neurodivergence
    • flexibility
    • trust-based relationships

    Because when needs are recognised early enough, many crises can be reduced long before they become dangerous.

    A Final Thought

    Talking honestly about violent behaviour in schools is uncomfortable.

    But avoiding the conversation helps nobody.

    We can believe:

    • teachers deserve safety
      AND
    • children deserve understanding

    at the same time.

    Because children are not born wanting to hurt teachers.

    And if more primary-aged children are reaching breaking point this early…

    then we need to stop asking only:
    “What’s wrong with this child?”

    …and start asking:
    “What happened to this child — and why was the support not there sooner?”

    For more SEND support, autism guidance, EBSA information, and EHCP help, visit AskEllie.co.uk

  • Why May 18th Matters — And Why This Isn’t Over

    May 18th marked the closing date of a major government consultation.

    For many people, that might sound like just another deadline.
    Another policy process.
    Another date in the calendar.

    But for SEND families across the UK, it meant something much bigger.

    This Was a Chance to Be Heard

    Consultations are one of the few times where parents, carers, and young people are formally invited to speak into decisions that affect their lives.

    For families navigating SEND, that matters.

    Because too often, decisions are made:

    • Without lived experience
    • Without understanding the reality on the ground
    • Without hearing directly from the people affected

    May 18th was a moment where thousands of voices came together to say:

    👉 This is what’s really happening
    👉 This is what needs to change
    👉 This is where the system is failing our children

    Why So Many People Spoke Up

    Because the reality for many families is not working.

    Children are:

    • Out of education
    • Struggling with anxiety and EBSA
    • Waiting months — sometimes years — for support
    • Falling through gaps that should not exist

    Parents are:

    • Fighting to be heard
    • Navigating complex systems with little guidance
    • Being blamed instead of supported

    And behind all of this are children who are not being understood in the way they need to be.

    This Isn’t Just Policy — It’s Real Life

    When we talk about consultations, it’s easy to think in terms of documents and responses.

    But this is about real children.

    Children who:

    • Don’t feel safe in school
    • Mask all day and break down at home
    • Are described as “fine” while struggling internally
    • Are capable, but not coping

    This is about families making daily decisions between:

    👉 attendance and mental health
    👉 compliance and wellbeing
    👉 fitting in and being understood

    What Happens Now Matters More Than the Deadline

    The consultation may have closed on May 18th.

    But the responsibility doesn’t end there.

    Because listening isn’t just about asking for feedback —
    it’s about what happens next.

    Families don’t need:

    • More promises
    • More delays
    • More systems that look good on paper but don’t work in reality

    They need:

    👉 Action
    👉 Understanding
    👉 Support that actually reaches their child

    This Is Not the End

    If anything, May 18th should be seen as a beginning.

    A moment where voices were heard —
    and now must be acted on.

    Because behind every response submitted
    was a family taking time to explain their reality.

    And behind every reality
    is a child who deserves better.

    A Final Thought

    This has never been about policy alone.

    It’s about children.

    Children who are still waiting to be seen.
    To be understood.
    To be supported.

    And that doesn’t stop because a consultation has closed.

    👉 If you need support understanding your rights, EHCPs, or navigating SEND challenges, visit AskEllie.co.uk

  • When Attendance Matters More Than Keeping a Child Safe

    There is a sentence many parents hear when their child is struggling with school:

    👉 “They need to be in.”

    It’s often said with urgency.
    Sometimes with concern.
    And increasingly… with pressure.

    Because attendance matters.

    But what happens when a child is not coping?

    When “Getting Them In” Becomes the Priority

    For many SEND families, the conversation shifts quickly.

    Instead of asking:

    👉 “Is this child okay?”

    The focus becomes:

    👉 “How do we get them into school?”

    Parents are told:

    • Their child’s attendance is too low
    • They need to push through
    • This is something they need to manage

    But behind closed doors, the reality often looks very different.

    What Parents Are Actually Seeing

    Children who:

    • Wake up anxious or distressed
    • Struggle to get through the school day
    • Mask their emotions until they can’t anymore
    • Come home and shut down or explode

    This isn’t defiance.

    👉 This is a child who is overwhelmed.

    The Impact of Getting It Wrong

    When a child is pushed beyond their ability to cope, the outcome is not resilience.

    It’s the opposite.

    Over time, you may see:

    • Increased anxiety
    • Emotional shutdown
    • Loss of trust in adults
    • A growing fear of school

    What starts as “low attendance” can become something much deeper:

    👉 A child who no longer feels safe in education

    The Pressure Children Are Under

    It’s important to recognise the environment many children are navigating.

    Increased academic expectations.
    Earlier exams.
    Constant performance measures.

    For some children, particularly those with additional needs, this isn’t motivating.

    👉 It’s overwhelming.

    And when a child is already struggling…

    👉 that pressure can push them past their limit

    Mental Health Is Not Separate From Education

    This is where the conversation needs to change.

    Mental health is not something that sits alongside education.

    👉 It is what makes education possible.

    A child who is anxious, dysregulated, or overwhelmed:

    • Cannot engage properly
    • Cannot retain information
    • Cannot feel safe enough to learn

    And yet, in many cases, attendance continues to be treated as the priority.

    A More Important Question

    Instead of asking:

    👉 “How do we get this child into school?”

    We should be asking:

    👉 “What is stopping this child from accessing education safely?”

    Because those are two very different conversations.

    This Isn’t About Avoiding School

    Parents are not choosing this.

    They are responding to what they are seeing:

    👉 a child who is struggling

    And in many cases, they are left trying to balance:

    • The pressure to attend
    • The reality of their child’s mental health

    Often without the support they need.

    A Final Thought

    Attendance does matter.

    But it should never come at the cost of:

    👉 a child’s safety
    👉 their mental health
    👉 their ability to cope

    Because a child who doesn’t feel safe…

    👉 cannot learn

    If this is something you’re navigating, you’re not alone.

    👉 Visit AskEllie.co.uk for support, guidance, and help understanding your options.

  • I Picked This Up in Parliament This Week — Here’s What It Really Means for Families

    This week, I was in Parliament speaking about SEND — not just our experience as a family, but the experiences of thousands of parents I hear from every day through AskEllie.

    During the event, I was given a SEND factsheet.

    On the surface, it’s useful.
    It outlines the system, the numbers, and the increasing pressure.

    But like a lot of things in this space, it tells part of the story — not the whole story.

    📊 What the Factsheet Shows

    It talks about:

    • Rising numbers of children with SEND
    • Increasing costs to local authorities
    • Pressure on mainstream schools
    • The need for reform

    All of that is true.

    But it’s also only one side of the picture (see below)

    ⚠️ What It Doesn’t Show

    What it doesn’t show is what those numbers actually represent.

    Because behind every statistic is:

    • A child who isn’t in school
    • A parent chasing support that never comes
    • A family trying to hold everything together

    It doesn’t show the years of waiting, the constant pushing, or the feeling of not being heard.

    And that’s the reality many families are living every single day.

    🧠 The Gap Between Policy and Reality

    From a policy perspective, the system looks like it needs restructuring.

    From a parent’s perspective, the system often feels:

    • Slow
    • Complicated
    • Reactive
    • Hard to access

    That gap — between what’s written down and what’s actually happening — is where so many problems sit.

    💬 What I Hear Every Day

    Through AskEllie, I hear from parents across the country.

    Different children.
    Different circumstances.

    But the same patterns:

    • Delays in diagnosis
    • Lack of early support
    • Decisions made without properly understanding the child
    • Families being forced to fight just to get basic provision

    Most parents aren’t unwilling to engage.

    They’re exhausted.

    🚨 Why This Matters Right Now

    SEND reform is being discussed.

    Changes are coming.

    And while reform is needed, there’s a real concern from families that decisions could be made without fully understanding what is actually happening on the ground.

    If that happens, the risk isn’t just that things don’t improve.

    👉 It’s that they get worse.

    🌱 What Needs to Be Protected

    There are children with complex needs who cannot thrive in the wrong environment.

    For those children:

    • The right setting matters
    • The right support matters
    • Being understood matters

    This isn’t about preference.

    It’s about what works.

    🧭 Where AskEllie Comes In

    AskEllie has grown because parents want to feel:

    • Understood
    • Informed
    • Supported

    This isn’t about telling people what to do.

    It’s about helping people:

    👉 understand what’s happening
    👉 feel confident in their situation
    👉 and know their voice matters

    📣 Your Voice Matters

    Right now, decisions are being made that will shape the future of SEND support.

    And the most important thing in that process isn’t the numbers.

    It’s the voices behind them.

    Parents.
    Children.
    Families.

    Because without those voices, the picture is incomplete.

    💬 Final Thought

    The factsheet is useful.

    But it doesn’t tell the full story.

    👉 Families do.

    If you’re living this, you already understand what’s at stake.

    And your voice matters more than you think.

  • When Attendance Matters More Than Mental Health

    There’s a sentence many SEND parents hear far too often:

    👉 “They need to be in school.”

    On the surface, it sounds reasonable.
    Of course education matters.
    Of course attendance matters.

    But what happens when a child is not coping?

    When “Getting Them In” Becomes the Goal

    For many families, the conversation shifts quickly.

    Instead of asking:

    👉 “Why is this child struggling?”

    The focus becomes:

    👉 “How do we get them into school?”

    Parents are told:

    • Be firmer
    • Keep bringing them in
    • This is an attendance issue

    But behind closed doors, the reality looks very different.

    What Parents Are Actually Dealing With

    Children who:

    • Wake up anxious or distressed
    • Experience meltdowns before school
    • Shut down completely
    • Are unable to regulate in the school environment

    This isn’t reluctance.

    👉 This is distress

    The Impact of Getting It Wrong

    When attendance is prioritised above everything else, something important is missed:

    👉 A child’s ability to cope

    And when that’s ignored:

    • Mental health deteriorates
    • Trust breaks down
    • School becomes a source of fear, not safety

    In some cases, children are pushed beyond what they can handle.

    And the consequences of that can be long-lasting.

    This Isn’t About Avoiding School

    This is not about children “not wanting to go.”

    It’s about children who:

    👉 cannot access education in their current state or environment

    That’s a completely different conversation.

    What the Law Actually Says

    Under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996:

    👉 Local authorities must provide suitable education
    if a child cannot attend school due to illness or other reasons

    That includes:

    • Anxiety
    • Mental health needs
    • Unmet SEND needs

    👉 Waiting for a child to “just return” is not a solution

    Why Parents Feel Blamed

    One of the hardest parts for families is this:

    👉 The pressure often shifts onto them

    Instead of support, they’re met with:

    • Threats of fines
    • Attendance warnings
    • Assumptions about parenting

    And over time, that leads to:

    👉 guilt
    👉 self-doubt
    👉 exhaustion

    A Different Question We Should Be Asking

    Instead of:

    👉 “Why isn’t this child attending?”

    We should be asking:

    👉 “Why can’t this child access education — and what needs to change?”

    A Final Thought

    Attendance matters.

    But it should never come at the cost of:

    👉 a child’s mental health
    👉 their sense of safety
    👉 their ability to cope

    Because education only works…

    👉 when a child is able to access it

    If you’re navigating this right now, you’re not alone.

    👉 Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk

    We help parents understand their rights and push for the support their child needs.

  • This Isn’t About Social Media Anymore… It’s About What It’s Doing to Our Kids

    There’s been a lot of talk recently about new rules around social media use for under 16s.

    On the surface, it sounds like progress.

    Limits. Safeguards. Protection.

    But for many parents, this conversation isn’t new.

    Because what’s happening to children right now… is already being seen at home.

    This Was Never Just About Screen Time

    For years, the focus has been on how long children spend on their phones.

    But that’s not the real issue.

    👉 It’s what they’re seeing
    👉 What they’re absorbing
    👉 And how it’s affecting them

    Children are being exposed to:

    • Unrealistic body standards
    • Filtered faces that don’t exist in real life
    • Constant comparison
    • Content they’re not emotionally ready for

    And over time, that has an impact.

    Not always instantly.

    But quietly, gradually… and sometimes deeply.

    The Reality Parents Are Living

    Parents are seeing changes in their children:

    • Lower confidence
    • Increased anxiety
    • Obsession with appearance
    • Withdrawal or low mood

    And in some cases, things go further.

    Much further than most people realise.

    This isn’t about blaming social media entirely.

    But it is about acknowledging this:

    👉 The environment children are growing up in has changed

    And many of the systems around them haven’t caught up.

    Why This Matters Even More for SEND Families

    For children with autism, ADHD, or PDA, the risks can be greater.

    Not because they are “weaker” — but because they process the world differently.

    They may:

    • Take content more literally
    • Struggle to separate reality from what they see online
    • Become hyper-focused on certain themes or ideas
    • Internalise messages more deeply

    So what looks like “just a video” to one child…

    👉 Can feel very real to another

    A Step in the Right Direction — But Not Enough

    Government action is important.

    Boundaries matter.

    But policies alone won’t solve this.

    Because parents are already dealing with the impact.

    Right now.

    In real time.

    And what families need isn’t just:

    👉 announcements
    👉 headlines
    👉 future plans

    They need:

    👉 clear protections
    👉 accountability from platforms
    👉 and support that reflects the reality on the ground

    What Parents Can Do Right Now

    While bigger changes are being discussed, there are things that matter at home:

    • Talk about what your child is actually watching
    • Keep conversations open, not confrontational
    • Help them understand what is real and what isn’t
    • Notice changes in behaviour or mood
    • Stay involved — even when it feels difficult

    Because the question isn’t just:

    👉 “How long have they been on their phone?”

    It’s:

    👉 “What are they seeing… and how is it affecting them?”

    A Final Thought

    This isn’t about creating fear.

    It’s about recognising reality.

    Social media is part of childhood now.

    But so is everything that comes with it.

    And if we’re going to talk about change…

    👉 it has to reflect what children are actually experiencing today

    Because this isn’t just about social media anymore.

    👉 It’s about what it’s doing to our kids.

    If you’re navigating this as a parent — especially within SEND — you’re not alone.

    Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk for support, guidance, and real-world advice.

  • What Parents Really Think About the SEND White Paper

    On paper, the SEND White Paper sounds like progress.

    It talks about consistency.
    It promises a more joined-up system.
    It suggests a future where families don’t have to fight so hard to get support.

    And for many reading it for the first time, it feels hopeful.

    But when you step away from the documents…
    and actually speak to parents living this every day…

    The feeling is very different.

    The Gap Between Policy and Reality

    Across our community, we hear the same themes again and again:

    👉 “We’ve heard this before.”
    👉 “Nothing changes on the ground.”
    👉 “We’re still fighting for basic support.”

    Because while reform is being discussed at a national level…

    Families are still dealing with:

    • Long delays for assessments
    • Struggles securing an EHCP
    • Schools saying they “can’t meet need”
    • Children out of education
    • Constant pressure to prove what is already obvious

    For many, the issue isn’t whether change is coming.

    It’s whether it will come in time to help their child.

    “We’re Tired”

    One of the most honest things parents say is this:

    👉 “We’re just exhausted.”

    Not because they don’t care.
    Not because they’re not trying.

    But because the system often requires them to:

    • Chase professionals
    • Gather evidence repeatedly
    • Push back on decisions
    • Learn legal frameworks just to be heard

    The White Paper talks about reform.

    But parents are still living in a system where they have to fight to access what already exists in law.

    Trust Has Been Damaged

    Another quiet but important truth:

    👉 Many parents no longer trust the system.

    That doesn’t come from one bad experience.

    It comes from patterns:

    • Being told to “wait and see”
    • Being blamed for attendance issues
    • Having concerns minimised
    • Support only appearing after escalation

    So when new reforms are introduced, the reaction isn’t always relief.

    Sometimes it’s hesitation.

    Because parents have learned that what is promised…
    and what is delivered…
    can be very different.

    This Isn’t About Negativity

    It’s important to say this clearly:

    There are professionals who care deeply.
    There are schools trying their best under pressure.
    There are individuals within the system pushing for change.

    This isn’t about dismissing that.

    It’s about recognising this:

    👉 A good policy does not automatically create a good experience for families.

    What Parents Actually Want

    When you strip everything back, most parents aren’t asking for anything unreasonable.

    They want:

    • Their child to feel safe in education
    • Support that matches their child’s needs
    • Clear communication
    • Decisions made without unnecessary delay
    • To not feel like they are constantly fighting

    They don’t want to become experts in law.
    They don’t want conflict.

    They just want things to work.

    Where We Are Now

    Right now, the SEND system sits in a difficult place.

    There is recognition that change is needed.
    There are plans for reform.

    But on the ground…

    👉 many families are still struggling

    And until that gap closes…

    Parents will continue to speak up.

    Not because they want to challenge the system…

    But because they have no choice.

    A Final Thought

    The SEND White Paper may shape the future.

    But for parents today…

    👉 what matters is what actually happens next week, next month, and next year for their child

    Because for families living this reality…

    This isn’t policy.

    👉 It’s everyday life.

    If you’re navigating SEND challenges and need support, guidance, or help understanding your rights, you’re not alone.

    Come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk — we’re here to help.

  • If Your Child Gets DLA, You May Be Missing Out on These Additional Benefits

    Most parents feel a sense of relief when their child is finally awarded Disability Living Allowance (DLA).

    It can feel like recognition.
    Like someone has finally understood the level of care your child needs.

    But what many families don’t realise is this:

    👉 DLA doesn’t just support your child — it can unlock support for you too.

    And this is where thousands of parents unknowingly miss out.

    Why This Matters More Than You Think

    When a child is awarded DLA, it means the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) has recognised that they need more care, supervision, or support than a child of the same age.

    That recognition doesn’t stop there.

    👉 It can open the door to a range of additional financial and practical support for parents and carers.

    But the system doesn’t always make this clear.

    In fact, many parents only find out years later — often after struggling unnecessarily.

    1. Carer’s Allowance

    This is one of the most important entitlements linked to DLA.

    If your child receives the middle or higher rate care component, you may be able to claim Carer’s Allowance.

    To qualify, you must:

    • Provide at least 35 hours of care per week
    • Meet earnings and eligibility criteria

    And it’s important to understand this:

    👉 Care is not just physical tasks.

    It includes:

    • Supervision to keep your child safe
    • Prompting and encouragement
    • Emotional regulation and support
    • Being constantly available

    Many parents underestimate how much they actually do.

    2. National Insurance Credits (Protecting Your Future)

    If caring for your child means you can’t work, or can only work limited hours, this can affect your State Pension.

    But there’s good news.

    👉 Carer’s Allowance can provide National Insurance credits

    This helps protect your future entitlement, even if your income is reduced now.

    And yet, many parents don’t realise this is happening — or that it matters.

    3. Universal Credit – Carer Element

    If you are on Universal Credit, caring for a child on DLA may entitle you to the carer element.

    This is additional financial support on top of your standard Universal Credit payment.

    👉 And crucially:

    You can still qualify for this even if you don’t receive Carer’s Allowance due to earnings.

    This is another area where families often miss out simply because no one has explained it clearly.

    4. Council Tax Reductions and Local Support

    Some local councils offer:

    • Council tax reductions
    • Discretionary support payments
    • Additional help for families with disabled children

    This varies depending on where you live, but it is always worth checking.

    👉 Because in many cases, you won’t be told — you have to ask.

    5. Recognition of the Care You Provide

    This part is often overlooked, but it matters.

    A DLA award is more than financial support.

    👉 It is formal recognition that:

    • Your child has additional needs
    • The level of care you provide is above what is expected

    That recognition can support:

    • Other benefit claims
    • EHCP applications
    • Tribunal evidence
    • Wider assessments

    The Biggest Misconception

    Many parents hesitate to explore these additional supports because they feel:

    👉 “I don’t want to claim twice”
    👉 “I’m already getting help for my child”
    👉 “Someone else probably needs it more”

    But here’s the truth:

    👉 You are not claiming twice.

    You are accessing linked entitlements that exist because of the level of care your child needs.

    And the law recognises that.

    A Final Thought

    Caring is work.

    Even if it doesn’t look like a traditional job.

    Even if you’ve become so used to it that it feels “normal.”

    If your child has been awarded DLA, that is the system acknowledging:

    👉 The care you provide matters

    And you deserve to be supported in that role.

    Need Help Understanding What You Can Claim?

    If you’re unsure what applies to your situation, or want help understanding your options clearly:

    👉 Visit AskEllie.co.uk

    We break things down simply, clearly, and in a way that actually reflects real life as a SEND parent.

    You’re not asking for too much.
    You’re making sure your family gets the support it’s entitled to.

  • “I Feel Like I’m Failing My Child” — Why So Many SEND Parents Feel This Way

    It’s something many parents think…

    But rarely say out loud:

    👉 “I feel like I’m failing my child.”

    And if you’ve ever felt that, you’re not alone.

    Where That Feeling Comes From

    This feeling doesn’t come from nowhere.

    It builds over time.

    It comes from:

    • Watching your child struggle in school
    • Not getting the support they need
    • Feeling like you’re constantly chasing help
    • Being told things are “fine” when they clearly aren’t

    It comes from:

    👉 Being exhausted
    👉 Feeling unheard
    👉 Carrying more than most people realise

    When the System Isn’t Working

    When a child isn’t coping in education, the pressure often shifts.

    Instead of asking:

    👉 “What does this child need?”

    It can become:

    👉 “What aren’t the parents doing?”

    And that’s where something starts to change.

    Parents begin to internalise it.

    👉 “Maybe I’m not doing enough”
    👉 “Maybe I’m getting it wrong”
    👉 “Maybe I am failing them”

    The Truth Most Parents Don’t See

    The parents who say:

    👉 “I feel like I’m failing my child”

    Are often the ones:

    • Fighting the hardest
    • Advocating the most
    • Showing up every single day
    • Holding everything together behind the scenes

    They are:

    👉 Not failing
    👉 But carrying more than they should have to

    Why It Feels So Personal

    Because this isn’t just paperwork or appointments.

    This is:

    👉 Your child’s future
    👉 Their wellbeing
    👉 Their sense of safety and belonging

    So when things don’t improve…

    👉 it feels like it’s on you

    But Here’s the Reality

    If you are:

    • Trying to get support
    • Speaking up when something isn’t right
    • Showing up even when you’re exhausted

    👉 You are not failing your child

    You are:

    👉 Doing everything you can in a system that doesn’t always respond the way it should

    The Part No One Talks About

    You can do everything right…

    👉 And still feel like it’s not enough

    That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

    It means:

    👉 The situation needs more support than you’ve been given

    A Different Way to Look at It

    Failing your child would be:

    👉 Not trying
    👉 Not caring
    👉 Not showing up

    But if you’re here… reading this…

    👉 That’s not you

    You’re Still Showing Up

    Even on the hard days.

    Even when you’re overwhelmed.

    Even when you feel like you’ve got nothing left.

    👉 You’re still there

    And that matters more than you realise.

    How AskEllie Can Help

    We hear this from parents every single day.

    And we understand how heavy it feels.

    We can help you:

    • Turn your concerns into clear, structured communication
    • Push for the support your child actually needs
    • Navigate what to do next when things feel stuck

    👉 You can find support through our Stan Store
    👉 Or come by and see us at AskEllie.co.uk

    Final Thought

    If you feel like you’re failing your child…

    👉 take a step back

    Because more often than not…

    👉 You’re the one holding everything together

    And that’s not failure.

    👉 That’s strength.